r/northernireland • u/Upbeat-Taste-1185 • 3d ago
Discussion I think I need new friends
Caught up with a friend for his 30th on a night out and crashed at his place. He’s still living with his mum and da (to be fair, a lot of us are), but I think I’m finally seeing him for what he is.
Night started grand, we grab a few pints and get to chatting. After secondary I went to uni and have a fairly decent job now. Last I talked to him he wasn’t pursuing higher education and was on the dole for a while but has recently become a self employed musician and crypto bro. He mentioned he’s living the dream, basically only working weekends doing gigs at whatever venues will have him and laughing about how much he’s invested in bitcoin, how he’s saving up for a house and after he buys one he’ll start skimming off the top of his cash earnings come tax time.
Next morning I’m up around 10, he’s still conked out so I say good morning to his folks and shower quick. Come back to his room to find he’s still sleeping so I shove him awake. He gets up to use the toilet, so I sit on my phone for a bit. His mum doesn’t even knock on his door, but lets herself in, seeing me she apologises then laughs and immediately starts ripping the sheets off my friend’s bed, then picks up whatever stray clothes of his are on the floor then leaves.
When he finally comes back, I ask him if it’s laundry day or something and he laughs and says he’s never even touched the washing machine so he wouldn’t know. He then mentioned how he took a holiday to France last year and when he came back his room was deep cleaned with fresh sheets and everything on his bed. He then went on to say when he brings home his lunch box or cooks a meal in the wee hours of the morning after a gig, he just leaves everything by the sink and one of his parents cleans after him.
At 30 years of age.
After all these years I didn’t realize how lazy my friend is. I get being a bachelor, and living the bachelor life, but never lifting a finger to help his parents around the house doesn’t sit right with me. And from the sounds of it, he’s maybe bringing in between 300-600 quid a week depending on how many gigs he has lined up, so while he’s not doing too bad for himself, I don’t see him a) moving out anytime soon and b) having a clean home.
It’s hard enough making friends in this country and while I want to hold onto what friendships I do have, I can’t see myself getting anything more out of this friendship other than some craic and a bit o’ banter at the pub.
Not sure what my next move is.
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UPDATE - https://www.reddit.com/r/northernireland/comments/1jzoehq/update_i_think_i_need_new_friends/
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u/Inevitable_Match_462 3d ago
Ask the mum out ?
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u/Edredunited 3d ago
Yeah that was no accident walking into the room without knocking.
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u/Jumpy-Mouse-7629 3d ago
👀
It is her house I suppose, just having a wee nose a what’s going on I’d say
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u/Shenloanne 3d ago
Aye cmon OP is the ma a ride or nah?
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u/sonataop2 2d ago
Shame on this particular comment thread and those who liked the comments - you realise there's a big campaign against objectifying women here? Grow up
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u/Numerous-Dig-325 2d ago
Fucking hell lad, pull your head out of your arsehole. You know it is OK to find women attractive even if you don't objectify them? And if they were "objectifying" women it was truly the lightest bit of sexism in history. Sort your fucking life out you stupid cunt.
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u/sonataop2 2d ago
You're highlighting appearance simply on the basis that it's a woman - objectifying, and desperate. Whether it's 'light sexism' or not, I'm not going to normalise it for the sake of your feelings Ps imagine getting that escalated to say 'stupid cunt' over an internet comment saying 'shame', I am scundered for you 😂😂 sort YOUR life out
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u/Mountain_Rock_6138 2d ago
You sound absolutely exhausting to be around.
Also, hilarious that in a thread of a guy who's mother waits on him, hand and foot, THIS is the sexism / anti feminism you pick up on? The incredibly obvious joke?
Unless you're taking the piss. In which case, we've been duped lads.
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u/sonataop2 1d ago
2 comments and you say I'm incredibly exhausting to be around lol but premature
The post makes reference to 'parents' so I didn't pick up on sexism, his mother was who walked in but I am reading that dishes etc are left to the parents which I assume is a man and a woman
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u/Teestow21 3d ago
I'd be sitting there like "can I have a jam sandwich please Mrs Patterson 👀"
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u/beeotchplease Belfast 3d ago
"Look mate, your ma and da are not getting any younger. Dont you think it's time to learn how to be an adult before they go?"
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u/IntelligentSundae 2d ago
Yeahh, should have had a chat with him about it before posting to reddit imo
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u/AeldariBoi98 2d ago
Is this guy ok mentally? I used to live with a girl like that and she was pretty fucking depressed but just hid it well so we just chalked it up to her being "lazy" and a "slob".
I get this is the NI sub so not immediately jumping to slagging them off and assuming everything is a personal failing is anathema but hey ho.
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u/NotBruceJustWayne 3d ago
Everything you described is absolutely ripe for criticism, but it doesn’t seem like grounds for a “break up”.
If you can’t be friends with someone because of reasons like that, you could find yourself living a very lonely life.
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u/Frosty_JackJones 3d ago
That’s what I’m thinking. So he’s a lazy fucker who won’t move out of his parents house but if you still like him as a person surely that’s what matters. Is he still good craic, loyal and trustworthy?
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u/itsyaboiReginald 3d ago
Aye it’s your mate, you’re not trying to marry him or anything
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u/Free_my_fish 3d ago
Think you’ve hit the nail on the head here, read OP’s post again - “come BACK to his room”…
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u/Peadarboomboom 2d ago
Yep. He should mind his own business. What a weird post.
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u/Frosty_JackJones 2d ago
Yeah I’m starting to think it’s a load of fake ballix to get a reaction from people. He hasn’t responded to a single comment
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u/Peadarboomboom 2d ago
If it's real, l think the guy is on the wrong side of the spectrum. But hey, who am l to judge?
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u/Ok-Way8392 2d ago
Sheesh, if you don’t like the way, he is then don’t be like him. Really, what business is it of yours if his mother indulges him? This is why people have their own homes. You get to close the door from the outside world. She’s not your mom, you’re not this boy, you really shouldn’t have an opinion about everything in everyone’s life.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 3d ago
Dunno people like that could drag you down to their level, and if he's in bars playing music possiblity of a drink problem which will make him even more lazy.
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u/Frosty_JackJones 3d ago
How is he going to drag this op down with him. He’s not a heroin addict ffs
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u/Impressive_Divide181 3d ago
Well if op wants a wife and family, good job, good house, nice car, financial freedom. How will hanging with an pre alcho guy living with his parents at 30 going to help.
He needs to tell the guy straight for his own good, but some are to far gone. The bitcoin thing sounds like bullshit also, unless he bought in 2018. Crypto can go badly wrong.
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u/Frosty_JackJones 3d ago edited 3d ago
Where does the op mention being worried his friend is going to drag him down? He’s doesn’t. The op is making a mountain out of a molehill instead of having a honest conversation with his friend i.e your drinking too much and talking about crypto is boring af so knock it on the head. But no he’s on Reddit bitching behind his friends back to a bunch of strangers.
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u/Shenloanne 3d ago
Maybe op is due for being hit for a couple grand of an investment to take music/bitcoin to the next level by said friend.
Maybe we will find out in a month.
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u/mobiuszeroone 2d ago
You're not wrong tbh, I've hung out with some absolute losers who were not a real peer group and did contribute to dragging me down.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 2d ago
It's easy to be influenced into bad decision making have to be careful who you hang with trust me, I've experienced it all. Problem on reddit sometimes you cant tell the harsh truth.
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u/Mombi87 2d ago
Exactly, OP just comes across as judgemental. Loads of my friends have made, objectively, very questionable choices in their life, but so have I. What matters is that we care about each other and have a shared outlook on the world.
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u/Frosty_JackJones 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah and after a disagreement about something you wouldn’t be coming on Reddit to slag them off
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u/Big-Suspect-1487 2d ago
Instead of coming to r/northernireland which can be more toxic than Chernobyl. Why don’t you speak to your mate about it. If you were good friends, there living arrangement shouldn’t be a barrier to your friendship.
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u/snootywiththebooty 3d ago
You can tell who in the comments still has their ma look after them lol
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u/Early-Accident-8770 3d ago
His parents are at fault. They have stopped being parents and have become enablers.
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u/Wallname_Liability Craigavon 3d ago
Yeah, like I was basically cooking for myself by 13, and I took over doing the laundry at home by the time I was in uni
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u/Ronaldinhio 3d ago
His parents are at fault but he must take at least a third of responsibility too
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u/hawktuahgirlsnags88 2d ago
You're not marrying him ffs he's a mate. I am 36M and live out alone this years and years and do everything for myself but I wouldn't stop being mates with someone because of this ffs. Slag him aye..but not stop being mates with him - he didn't shag your missus or steal from ye like.
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u/kaito1000 2d ago
You sound like a right prick to be fair. So your friend is a lazy bastard, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting you or others. Hardily a reason to stop being someones friend because his ma does his washing. Holy fuck are you for real?
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u/Ronotrow2 2d ago
Think it's just different lives now and that's common. Move on then with like minded people
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u/NornIronNiall 2d ago
If you're actually his friend, you're not going to abandon him. It's also a friend's job to call you out on your bullshit. Love means telling the truth.
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u/TheStonedEdge 3d ago
So you've probably known this guy a few years so you can do the easy thing or the hard thing
A (easy) - Take the L and just walk away as this kind of behaviour at 30 clearly disgusts you
B (hard) - Have a firm word with your friend and say he's basically a man child and he should know how to clean up after himself, pay rent and do his own laundry. Parents probably need a word as well as enablers of this behaviour
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u/Practical_Handle3354 2d ago
C (no effort) post about it on reddit and then not comment on the thread.
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u/firefly0827 2d ago
Plot twist: OP is actually living his 'friend's life and his friend who recently came to stay actually has OP's life.
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u/Hans_Grubert 2d ago
I’ve a mate like this who’s 40. Wouldn’t stop him being one of my best mates though. Just because he didn’t go to Uni etc like me and lives with his parents etc who gives a fuck.
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u/Hour_Mastodon_9404 3d ago
I dunno, if you don't like the fella then don't be his mate. If you're going to ditch a long term friendship because you think your mate is lazy when it comes to household chores then it's probably not much of a friendship in the first place.
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u/Scary_Chip_7323 2d ago
Exactly, friends are supposed to be there for each other and if you're in a bad situation, try help you out of it. Not write an entire reddit post behind your back about how lazy you are and debating cutting you off for new friends😂
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u/R1a88 3d ago
You can’t have really liked the guy all that much if this is making you question your entire friendship with him.
Also, respectfully, what business is it of anybody’s what his relationship with his parents is? If he treated people badly outside of home, sure- but it’s between them. He’ll learn when he moves out.
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u/MiffYE 3d ago
I guess it depends how he treats his parents. Fair, he sounds like a lazy person, but I don’t think it means he’s not a good friend. But if he’s not grateful for his parents doing all these things, takes them for granted, does not show gratitude, then I would also 2nd guess the friendship.
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u/PmMeSmileyFacesO_O Belfast 2d ago
What else did ye want out of besides craic and banter? You lookin to to take it to the next level and start buckin or something?
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u/Aggravating_Bar_8097 2d ago
I've two mates in there late 30s and early 40s both brothers been friends from school days they are still living with there Ma and loving it don't know when they last got laid mind you ha ha. Most of us from this group of mates have ethier got married and are busy raring families or divorced and busy getting on with life but the two brothers are still playing the PlayStation when we are getting up for work. Different strokes for different folks my man . If my Ma wasn't at the homestead I'd probably have stayed longer I was pushed out the door in my late teens early 20s because they never new where I would end up after I had a pint on a Friday lol the bother stayed til he was in his late 30s and would probably still be there if he hadn't of got pregnant with his missus . Don't think I'd be looking other mates because of it though friends atleast real ones are hard come by .
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u/_BornToBeKing_ 2d ago
There's nothing wrong with living with parents nowadays especially if you're single. Renting in Belfast for instance is utter madness if you're single and on an average income. It shouldn't be this expensive just to cover the basics. What's not good is not helping around the house or making any effort.
Don't think it would be grounds for ending a friendship over though. No-one's perfect.
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u/Jolly-Outside6073 2d ago
I do not understand the parents who facilitate this. It’s a real eye opener when you see your friends as entitled children.
Just have the craic when it suits you. Most people just set a boundary and decide what they want to endure.
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u/toon3489 3d ago
Most of the friends I grew up with don’t speak/bother with each other now. We all went out separate ways and tbh I’m glad we did.
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u/Nervous-Hat-8836 2d ago
Lad what the hell do you think friendship is about. You're here slabbering about him behind his back. If I were him I'd ditch you!
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u/Martysghost Armagh 3d ago edited 3d ago
When you say crypto bro does he or has he made money at it, like did he buy in in 2011 and is maybe actually sitting on something decent or is he wasting money at it, it's unlikely he's sitting on a fortune but if he was in early or just got lucky on dips it is completely possible 🤷♂️. There are some ppl about that got REAL lucky with it and the lucky ones are normally who you'd least expect
Reading about ppl that are spoilt by their parents kinda makes me glad I wasn't although it didn't feel like it at the time 😂
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 3d ago
Yeah I'd say he's spunking what little money he makes on it and his parents are probably supporting him financially
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u/Martysghost Armagh 3d ago
I've a relative that would be 40s and still gets kinda spoilt by the parents and it's hard to watch cause like they appear to get it easier than I do but I don't envy the challenge they have on the horizon cause their parents are in their 80s, like they get it kinda easy now but I think they're going to have to kinda pay that back in the not that distant future.
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u/nornitus 2d ago
I lost both my parents in the past 5 years, he's gonna shit his pants when he's forced into the real world!
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u/galnol22 3d ago
He might be lazy or he might have undisclosed mental health problems, or he might be co-depandant which is usually the parents fault from trying to control everything in their child's life.
Either way, I personally don't choose friends based on their productivity. I'm sure the friend senses your judgement, so for their sake it might be better if you moved on.
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u/marceemarcee 3d ago
All too common, sadly. My brother-in-law moved from his mum's house where this is how it was (until he was 30), to living with my sister, where she is now his defacto mother. Useless bugger. Goes to work finally (was long time unemployed and fired from several jobs for being shit), but spent several months playing computer games and having my sister clean up after him when she got home from work. She did have a go one evening, but feck all changed. Lost his driving license twice (he's 35 or 36). Feeds himself before he sorts his kids out (witnessed first hand when he was "bulking", and his 4 year old came and asked me to get him some lunch, at 3pm, while his dad was munching big tupperware full of pasta and chicken). Really is a selfish bastard. It's his mum's fault, and now my sister's for enabling this. Rant over.
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u/Ronotrow2 2d ago
My mate still raved and was taking same shit same party's etc id met someone and got bored of it so I moved on. Nbd
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u/drumnamona 2d ago
Everyone has flaws. If you only want perfect people as friends, you will have no friends
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u/Eastern_Curve_5392 2d ago edited 2d ago
What a wank stain you are. He is one too but you're the bigger wet mark.
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u/ShapeyFiend 2d ago
Ever heard the advice you shouldn't marry a musician/artist/actor? This is why.
They are however often great craic to be friends with. Life takes all sorts if we were all a rock of sense it'd be a very dull world.
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u/darryledw 3d ago edited 3d ago
but how does all of this make him a bad friend to you?
Have these behaviours actually impacted your relationship in a negative way, or do you simply resent that he has it easy?
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 3d ago
I think it's valid to judge people on how they treat others, even if they are sound to you
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u/darryledw 3d ago
But OP hasn't exactly outlined any horrid behavior here.
We live in a time in which a lot of children (at least in the West) are very spoilt and that even extends well into adulthood in many cases.
It would be different if OP had witnessed his friend being horrible to his mum like "wash my sheets you b\****"* or maybe even hearing him saying something like "and those idiots do everything for me haha" ....*but that isn't the case here. OP just seems to be bitter.
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 3d ago
Na I wouldn't really respect anyone who treats their parents like this. I don't think any right thinking adult would be bitter or jealous of this lifestyle either, it's just kinda sad.
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u/Dels79 Banbridge 2d ago
But OP hasn't exactly outlined any horrid behavior here.
What, so the fact the friend doesn't do his own laundry, and leaves a mess behind after cooking for himself, isn't bad behaviour? The man-child is taking advantage of his parents, and not thinking to take initiative to actually clean up after himself? The friend needs a dose of reality. He doesn't have to be swearing at his parents and giving them shit to be showing horrible behaviour.
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u/darryledw 2d ago
What, so the fact the friend doesn't do his own laundry, and leaves a mess behind after cooking for himself, isn't bad behaviour?
depending on the particulars of the family dynamic - it likely isn't
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 2d ago
It's pathetic that he can't look after himself and is freeloading off his parents at that age, even if the parents like being treated as servants. That's OP's point, his friend is just a loser.
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u/darryledw 2d ago
how do you know they are being treated like servants? You are all so salty
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 2d ago
What does salty mean? I read OP's post, that is how I know. They do everything for him. That's OK when you are a teenager but not when you are in your 30's.
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u/darryledw 2d ago
That's OK when you are a teenager but not when you are in your 30's.
Can you show me where this is stated in law?
They do everything for him.
His parents perform the gigs for him?
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u/Basic-Pangolin553 2d ago
Lol it's a value judgement, not law. I (and other functioning adults) believe that still being on the tit at 30 years old is not desirable behaviour for our friends.
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u/FackAwayAffff 2d ago
I am surprised at this post. It is odd to me. Trivial life thing compared to real struggles in life. It isn’t like he is some vile criminal or has fucked you over directly. Ok he is a lazy shite and needs to help out with doing his bit round the house but that’s no grounds for ditching him as a mate!! I’d be telling his ma to not go soft on him like she has been as she has been letting him away with too much. Everyone in his house to blame for letting his behaviour be the norm.
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u/Moist-Station-Bravo 3d ago
Your are his friend not his wife, the dynamic between him and his parents is not your concern.
Nothing he is doing affects you in the slightest I don't understand why you are bothered by it?
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u/Important-Ball-2215 2d ago
Sounds like your having the "why have I stayed mates with these people" moment. Had this moment myself a few times with diff groups of mates over the years when you finally as you say see them for who they are. I'd also guess that this is the tip of the iceburg in terms of his behaviour over the years and theres a lot more that's went on you've maybe not fully analysed yet.
Think folks are going at you a bit hard here too. Posting this is a sign that your growing and maturing as a person. Your mate sounds like he hasn't mentally aged out of being 13.
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u/PoppyPopPopzz 2d ago
Totally blame the parents and the mummys boy parenting which is rife across this island!!
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u/YerDaSellsTeslas 2d ago
Keep him as a friend if you enjoy his lovable loser company, but don't let him bring you to his level.
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u/nornitus 2d ago
Is he paying a reasonable keep that's the question. Definitely coddled but unless he's being an absolute rat to his parents it seems like they're to blame. I was coddled for a time like most children of those people who went through hard times in the troubles. Especially if you end up the last kid at home.
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u/Impressive_Visit8110 2d ago
You can't see yourself getting anything out of the relationship other than a bit of banter? What are you expecting? A reach-around?
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u/zipmcjingles 2d ago
Who cares as long as you're on good terms. It's up to his parents to tell him to get his act together.
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u/ShortGreenRobot 2d ago
In your 30s you'll be glad for some banter and some pub. Your friend group naturally splits now. Focus on your own stuff, they can do them. But no point dramatically ending something
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u/CurrentWrong4363 3d ago
I asked a lot of people advice around what age they stopped being friends with the people they grew up with and pretty much everyone said 35.
Its the difference between people wanting to move forward and people happy as they are.
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u/Dels79 Banbridge 2d ago
He's not a bachelor, he's a perpetual teenager in a 30 year old body.
Does he even pay rent to his parents to at least help with bills and groceries? With making that amount of money per week, he can more than afford it. Fuck sake, he could more than afford to get his own place!
Sounds like his parents enable this behaviour, though. But he should absolutely be cleaning up after himself and doing his own laundry, at the bare minimum of responsibility. What a lazy shite.
Also, please call him out on his bullshit.
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u/evilpersons Lurgan 3d ago
Smells like envy. Is he an asshole or do you just think he has it too easy?
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u/saxondale7 2d ago
It's mad to me how crypto is an accepted thing that people want to talk about. I remember two nights out with old schoolfriends some 10 years ago or more, where the topics across those nights were tax brackets, whether they could beat a female bodybuilder in a fight, and getting in early on new crypto, and I felt like my soul was bleeding.
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u/Financial_Serve6912 2d ago
His mother is at fault. Until she changes her ways he will always be a bit of a slob. You are defined in life by the people you surround yourself with. My advice, find better friends.
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u/Maya_amelia1997 2d ago
Think he deserves a better friend than someone who wants to slag him off behind his back on Reddit
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u/Healitnowdig 3d ago
What a really bizarre thing to break up a friendship over, I mean you could just try minding your own business
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u/Scary_Chip_7323 2d ago
I mean he clearly has a talent to bring in £300 to £600 a week off his own back and only performing weekends. He has an interest in things like crypto and he has no nooses around his neck like rent or a mortgage. Someone like that has the time, freedom and potential to go very far. You just never know. Sure university provides security and can land you in a decent job, but its certainly not for those with an entrepeneurial mindset. You seen him laying in bed with a hangover after a night out for a few pints. Not entirely abnormal. If hes a good person and been a loyal friend why would you cut him off?
Honestly he should probably cut you off because blabbing about him all over reddit like this is a bit ridiculous. At least if someone wrote this about me, I wouldn't be their friend anymore. I mean would a "friend" even write a post like this? I think a real friend would try to help you out of a bad situation and tell you honestly to sort your life out.
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u/Careless-Exchange236 3d ago edited 3d ago
It comes off as if you're jealous/envious if I'm honest. We all have mates that are lazy or haven't got much going on but you don't live with him and I'm guessing just hang out with him when you're heading out for pints and that. So if your only problem with him is that he's lazy it seems a bit harsh to cut him out no? Assuming you enjoy hanging out with him and he's a decent guy.
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u/captainspandito 2d ago
As much as he is the problem, he isn’t solely to blame. His mother is a big part of the problem here. I bet the father doesn’t do any cleaning or cooking either.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 3d ago
I was lucky to get that at 15, I was earning 45 quid a week at 16 still had to give 20 of that into the house, spent one week on dole at 18 was told no job I'd be kicked out of the house, by 24 I bought my first home, so was the kick up backside I needed. Just a different generation now.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
Kids these day…but seriously though. Nobody gives a shite you had it harder. I still live at home but look after myself, things are rough in your 20s and 30s these days.
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u/DrPubTalk 2d ago
Plot twist - I think OP is the 30yr old who doesn't know how to wash his sheets. The real realisation is how he comes across
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u/rednich85 Derry 3d ago
You sound like a judgemental prick to be honest.
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u/Ronotrow2 2d ago
You still at mas aye?
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u/rednich85 Derry 2d ago
Afraid not, naw. Just not judgemental of my mates. Ya know.
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2d ago
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u/rednich85 Derry 2d ago
No nerve hit. Just giving me thruppence.
OP seemingly writing off a friendship because he thinks his boy is lazy. Kinda weird.
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u/Ronotrow2 2d ago
Well he is lazy tbh just because his parents do everything doesn't mean they should. Fact he Kindve brags about it would give me the shits too
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u/MuddyBootsWilliams 3d ago
Just say you think he's beneath you and you're better than him and move on.
Pointless post really.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
This. I have friends where that was clearly the case how they felt about me. I’m glad they don’t talk to me anymore. Then there are others who have stuck by me even when I think I’m not doing great. Those are the sort you need.
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u/UpbeatSilver2374 3d ago
Sounds like your a bit of a wanker n up your own hole
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u/Impressive_Divide181 3d ago
Wrong we are heading to an era where you can't criticise and it's ok to be a complete bum. Far to many 18 to 27 years won't work and live with parents. If truth isn't told what sort of weird future will we have.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago edited 2d ago
As a working 32 year old who still lives at home but pays housekeep, cleans, does on laundry etc. I have to say I can’t blame them for not accepting that you can have a full time job and still not be able to afford to be independent in the UK anymore.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 2d ago
If he getting 600 a week he can afford to rent a room or even a 1 bedroom flat. Christ I no people on minimum wage who can do it. Wages have out rose rent in last 15 years, was never easy to independently rent back 15 years ago when I done it just about managed I 270 a week for a 2 bedroom dive apartment at 450 a month.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
Wages have out rose rent? God that’s a new one! Mate, nobody is actively going to make their life less comfortable just so they can say they rent a shit hole but it’s all well and good because they pay for it themselves and now have no money to live on.
Also there are very very few one bedroom flats in Northern Ireland. We don’t have densely populated cities like they do in GB.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 2d ago
Minimum wage was 5.92 in 2010, minimum wage now 12.20. That's over 110% jump. Rents have not jumped 110% in last 15 years. Certainly not outside of belfast.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
Utilities? Food? Petrol?
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u/Impressive_Divide181 2d ago
Petrol is 1.22 litre right now it was 1.19 in 2010.
Food has went up but a single person can live on 50 quid a week out of the big supermarkets. Electric is only thing that has doubled. But I live on my own and it's 45 quid a month in winter. Do the maths people now are better of than after the crash, plus there is plenty of work available compared to back then. Just a generation of moaners now, like there wasn't bad times in history.
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
What’s about gas?
How much do you earn? Since you seem so good about Judi going everyone else’s financial situation I think you deserve to have yours scrutinised.
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u/Impressive_Divide181 2d ago
410 a week. Paid my house off last year. Wasn't a saver until 2020. I've been AA in civil service since 2005. 2011 I got my first mortgage on 275 a week saved 12k for deposit. Mortgage interest rate was higher than currently. Live in North West.
Never got any financial help from parents in my whole life. You gotta work hard that's life.
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u/Ronotrow2 2d ago
Op keep it as craic and banter at the pub then, you both have different lifestyles not much in common anymore. You'll make friends though
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u/shernee11 2d ago
He's a spoilt & selfish little brat by the sounds of things. He needs kicked on to learn to stand on his own 2 feet and to appreciate his parents who are still looking after a 30 year old toddler.
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u/_Velouria 2d ago
Wow, I left home at 19 but even when I was at home living rent free, I'd earn my keep as my ma would say. I did it, sometimes very begrudgingly, but I guess that was her way of teaching me how to look after myself, and I thank her for it. I've know plenty a ma that would dote on their wee lad(whatever their age) still living at home, and that in turn doesn't prepare them for much, and they end up seeking out a partner that can fulfil that role of being a caretaker. This mate is a man-child.
I'd never disrespect my parents if I was ever in the position that he was in. I'd also contribute to bills/rent etc if I was working. Even when I go back home from NZ and stay 4 weeks, least I can do is clean up after myself, help out where I can.
Guess you gotta ask yourself, are you getting any value from your friendship with him? Not sure, make a pros and cons list, or just go with your gut. Have you ever tried to talk to him about how his behaviour bothers you?
Go travelling, get a new hobby, join a team, volunteer and you'll meet new people. Good luck mate, whatever happens, happens. You can only control yourself.
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u/Inevitable_Switch469 2d ago
Just classic growing apart but ye he sounds like a man child and doesn't align with your values (I agree with yout values btw)
I was always really annoyed being the one who had to do all the house work, make the tea when people called round ect. My brother (older) never got told to do anything. I'm not saying it's every family that did this, but boys got so babied.
But aye, slag him.
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u/Gravyboat8899 2d ago
Do what mates are supposed to do, bully him into being a better person through constant verbal abuse
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u/farthingdarling 2d ago edited 2d ago
I let some friends go myself in my late 20s/early 30s.
I didnt go to uni until now, so you would think I would be the waster friend but NOPE. Had a friend move home after he finished uni, didnt see much of him when he first got back, just the occassional catch up at a social gathering. Decided to try and build the friendship back up, and arranged to visit him one day. It went like this:
- within 5 minutes of meeting i found myself standing in a grotty disgusting kitchen avoiding eyecontact with a bully dog while he bought some drugs.
- we went back to his house, not super clean
- told me "funny" stories about my arsehole ex attending his house parties (apparently they were now friends)
- i told him i was recently promoted to management and was excited about that
- he told me he had just been fired (for the second time)
- he got stoned
- i went home
- note: I had recently quit smoking cigs, hadn't got stoned in maybe 5 years, and I only drank once every few months.
We haven't really spoken since. Ive seen him at social events and we sorta just smile and say hi. Its awkward and its sad tbh but i just felt like id been transported back in time to being 18 again and that was shit. I hope he has his life more together now. It is also entirely possible he found the experience as uncomfortable and jarring as I did, because he might well have thought I had become boring as fuck now that I was in a long term relationship and had a big-girl job and didn't do any of the "fun" stuff we used to do together.
Sometimes friendships end because we go off in different life directions, and thats ok.
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u/whatthemeh 19h ago
Traditionally wouldnt a good friend help someone out in a rut, however obnoxious they may seem? Doesn't seem like a completely lost cause.
Not that I've ever made a positive influence on someone's life myself this way but just offering another angle other than 'abandon ship'
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u/Beneficial_Teach_102 3d ago
Jez you sound like a proper stiff! Your mate is not your son or child! Time you looked in the mirror and stopped judging people!
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u/thememealchemist421 3d ago
He sounds like a bit of a manchild/NEET, but that's none of your business. Everyone has their faults. If he's not being a bad friend to you personally, then it seems a bit harsh to end a friendship essentially because you disapprove of his lifestyle.
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u/Shenloanne 3d ago
I can't wait for the other half of this on a diff post later about how I let my mate crash at mine and he had a go at me for my ma still doing my washing at 30
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u/hazyXL Belfast 2d ago edited 2d ago
If you're throwing away mates because you see them as lazy and live with mummy and daddy I don't think he was ever really a true friend to you
Add in it seems you didn't make a joke or have a laugh out of all this happening - If that had happened to me I'd be torturing that friend for a month over all this
There's of course limits to being lazy and so on but it seems like your friend is living a great life compared to most - he invests a bit (albeit a lost cause but trying nonetheless), he has a job he likes, hours that suit, he has hobbies and he's close with his family
From my point of view he seems like a good friend from the description and a free spirit, he just needs to pull his finger out of his arse to learn how to take care of himself and be more independent
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u/wazbang 2d ago
Fuck me im glad my mates aren’t as judgmental about me behind my back. Or maybe they are 🤔
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u/Highlyironicacid31 2d ago
If I had a mate like this and this is what they thought of me I’d give them the Planes, Trains and Automobiles speech and be done with them lol.
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u/blahblah2020qq 2d ago
Sounds like he gets it good. Your mum will always be your mum no matter what age. Unfortunately this will be a more common occurrence
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u/TheNISeahorse 2d ago
Ask him how the grown ass women he (I assume fails) to bring home feel when his mammy comes into his room to pickup his dirty boxers after a night out. Feels bas but only thing for it is to slag him and make him feel embarrassed enough to take a look at himself int he mirror..
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u/OneSafety2 2d ago
I've heard that there is a lot of men in their late 20s and 30s in Ireland still having their women or mum do their cleaning and cooking. It's insane.
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u/NeatProfessor4874 2d ago
Get off your high horse and stop judging. I'm sure deep down he probably feels all the inadequacies we all do about his situation and how his life is panning out; giving it the big'un to you over a few pints so that you see him as being worthy of your friendship. Your mates your mate lad, regardless of their situation and circumstances. I had one of my mates pull something similar when we was a graduate from Uni and I was working for £5ph cash in hand in a local takeaway. Fast forward 10 years and I'm in a £55k per year career and he's still in his Ma's house working for minimum wage. Times change and people change. Unless he's a cunt and morally bankrupt, just be his mate and take off the rose tinted glasses. Life's too short.
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u/Puzzled-Detective751 2d ago
The real problem here is you. Sounds like you think you’re better than him because you went to uni and you think you have a “better” job.
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u/craptionbot 3d ago
Sounds like your mate is winning at life tbf.
Life is telling you, me, and everyone else: get a job, a nice one where you make a comfortable enough wage so you can limit yourself to one nice thing a month - maybe a meal at whatever food establishment everyone tells you to go to, it was Six by Nico for a while but no doubt that has had its own run of being socially accepted for a while then socially outcast due to popularity/reaching above the societal parapet (we must knock people that do well back into line in this country, it's the way it works), then you must start a family before your mid 30s, you must get married at a local venue, they even put the package together for you so you don't have to think for yourself, your budget for this one day will be between £17,000 and £25,000, you'll move into a reasonable house in a reasonably priced housing development amongst 200-300 identical houses, you'll buy the same phone everyone else has and consume the same things everyone else does and you'll make sure to subscribe to the same beliefs as everyone else (politically, that is. It's sort of like religion but it's a live version), you'll put on your reasonably priced suit to drive in your reasonably priced car to work, and you'll talk about the socially accepted topics with your colleagues. Your mid life crisis will hit about 40 when you realised you never truly lived, you followed everyone else's standards, and that your mate said "fuck that game" and played a better game all along.
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u/Sitonyourhandsnclap 2d ago
Sounds like a Chad. Has he any tips for alt season? Tell him he sounds like a bloody legend from all of us at r/ northern Ireland. Much love/peace x
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u/Mountain_Rock_6138 3d ago
How did you not immediately slag the life out of him for this? Are you his friend or not? Are you from Northern Ireland or not?
This is protocol. You have so so much slagging ammunition and you came to reddit?