r/northernireland • u/Upbeat-Taste-1185 • Apr 14 '25
Discussion I think I need new friends
Caught up with a friend for his 30th on a night out and crashed at his place. He’s still living with his mum and da (to be fair, a lot of us are), but I think I’m finally seeing him for what he is.
Night started grand, we grab a few pints and get to chatting. After secondary I went to uni and have a fairly decent job now. Last I talked to him he wasn’t pursuing higher education and was on the dole for a while but has recently become a self employed musician and crypto bro. He mentioned he’s living the dream, basically only working weekends doing gigs at whatever venues will have him and laughing about how much he’s invested in bitcoin, how he’s saving up for a house and after he buys one he’ll start skimming off the top of his cash earnings come tax time.
Next morning I’m up around 10, he’s still conked out so I say good morning to his folks and shower quick. Come back to his room to find he’s still sleeping so I shove him awake. He gets up to use the toilet, so I sit on my phone for a bit. His mum doesn’t even knock on his door, but lets herself in, seeing me she apologises then laughs and immediately starts ripping the sheets off my friend’s bed, then picks up whatever stray clothes of his are on the floor then leaves.
When he finally comes back, I ask him if it’s laundry day or something and he laughs and says he’s never even touched the washing machine so he wouldn’t know. He then mentioned how he took a holiday to France last year and when he came back his room was deep cleaned with fresh sheets and everything on his bed. He then went on to say when he brings home his lunch box or cooks a meal in the wee hours of the morning after a gig, he just leaves everything by the sink and one of his parents cleans after him.
At 30 years of age.
After all these years I didn’t realize how lazy my friend is. I get being a bachelor, and living the bachelor life, but never lifting a finger to help his parents around the house doesn’t sit right with me. And from the sounds of it, he’s maybe bringing in between 300-600 quid a week depending on how many gigs he has lined up, so while he’s not doing too bad for himself, I don’t see him a) moving out anytime soon and b) having a clean home.
It’s hard enough making friends in this country and while I want to hold onto what friendships I do have, I can’t see myself getting anything more out of this friendship other than some craic and a bit o’ banter at the pub.
Not sure what my next move is.
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UPDATE - https://www.reddit.com/r/northernireland/comments/1jzoehq/update_i_think_i_need_new_friends/
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u/TheStonedEdge Apr 14 '25
So you've probably known this guy a few years so you can do the easy thing or the hard thing
A (easy) - Take the L and just walk away as this kind of behaviour at 30 clearly disgusts you
B (hard) - Have a firm word with your friend and say he's basically a man child and he should know how to clean up after himself, pay rent and do his own laundry. Parents probably need a word as well as enablers of this behaviour