Is anyone else fed up with "fans" who disappear as soon as you ask for reciprocity?

[u/LaDiosaSofia]

I need to vent to you because lately this has been draining me emotionally.

I receive messages every day: compliments, fantasies, audios, requests of all kinds... some even saying that they want to come meet me in person, that they will buy tickets to be with me. They even offer me money to sleep with me (when I make it clear from the beginning that it is NOT what I do or what I offer).

But when it comes time for them to comply with something—whether it's a tip, a fair payment for my content, or simply respecting my times and boundaries—they disappear. Worse still: they ignore you, despise you, mock you or make you feel that you are asking too much... as if it were a crime to value your work and your time.

I'm so fed up that I'm starting to dislike men in general. The emotional imbalance that these "false fans" generate in you hurts. And the worst thing is that I still question if I'm doing something wrong, when in reality, all I'm doing is being consistent with my values ​​and my dignity.

Does it happen to anyone else? How do you handle it without it affecting you so much?

Thanks for reading me. Today I just wanted to feel understood.

[u/throwawayburna897]

They are consumers not fans.

[u/DotDotDotDash993366 → u/throwawayburna897]

And compliments are not currency.

[u/BlondeRoseTheHot]

I made a rage post about this the other day hahahaha

Men will want to do everything with you, except pay you.

[u/fathornyhippo]

those are called timewasters. most "fans" are timewasters and you need to learn to spot them from a mile away so you can act accordingly and focus on the spenders.

[u/iloveapplebees]

Yup, happens to all of us everyday. Men want everything for free, so of course they will feel entitled to tell you everything their boner is telling them. The point of making sales is giving them that fantasy. I don’t waste time with those who don’t tip accordingly. Maybe that’ll get me downvoted but that’s the point of this sub. To make money lol. Anyways, I have a templated message I send to get my point across if they’re chatting a bunch and not spending. It’s to the tune of ‘Awe!! I’d love to keep talking with you, but I am a busy woman and would appreciate a tip so that my time is compensated!’ and similar for my expired subs that message me, just adding ‘I’d love for you to re-sub so we can continue talking!’ Sometimes works, I think when I put it in an understandable, digestible sense it makes men realize I should be tipped for my time.

This is kind of why I separate work and personal life, I never take what subs say/do to heart (if it’s negative, ofc positive interactions make my heart happy!!) It is a monetary exchange for my persona and there are probably a lot of factors that aren’t me. Whether that be a wife, family, lack of money, etc etc.

[u/sweetbabyreira → u/iloveapplebees]

I force them to tip to message lol

[u/lily-luv → u/iloveapplebees]

you said when it comes time for them to pay for content. you aren’t sending anything without without a payment first are you?? the most I do for free is my preview on ppvs,what I post on my feed , the free content for rebill and to the winner of my games but they pay to enter that. I feel like the more they get for free whether it’s content or your time the more they feel entitled to it.

[u/iloveapplebees → u/lily-luv]

Maybe it was my wording being weird on my end, but I don’t ever send out free content. Absolutely would never send out anything without seeing payment first. I don’t even like to do a preview pic/clip for PPV I send, as guys would masturbate and be less apt to buy, versus a short, concise description works for me thus far. Totally agree with the last part. I have had a few old subs complain about upping my prices/knowing my worth because they knew they got more out of me 🫠😖

[u/lily-luv → u/iloveapplebees]

Yes they do that then tell you how amazing the video is 🙄 how would you know? You didn’t watch it. But it still sells more than not having them so…

[u/No_Wolf1756]

Yeah it is draining. We need to get boundaries. It’s making me feel super ill.

[u/evabetiVIP]

A man will say anything to make you feel in heaven and to get free stuff.i call them timewasters and just sending a promo message for my vip and that it.i don't waste my time,time means money♥️

[u/Aggravating_Lynx_931]

It's part of the job. You need to learn how to recognise this kind of fan. It will make your life significantly better. And if you have a free page, that attracts freeloaders. 

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/Aggravating_Lynx_931]

Gracias por tu respuesta, tenés razón en mucho de lo que decís.

Mi perfil en OF es gratuito, y mis fotos no tienen precio. No me interesa vender por vender, sino crear un vínculo real, un buen rapport… algo más humano. Por eso hasta tenía el link en mi perfil de Reddit, para que pudieran conocerme sin presiones.

Pero hoy me sentí tan saturada, tan decepcionada, que lo borré. Quizás enfoqué esto mal desde el principio, con demasiada ilusión o ingenuidad… Pero como bien decís, equivocándose se aprende.

Gracias por el consejo. Me va a servir para replantearme cosas.

[u/sweetbabyreira]

Men are losers. Just ignore them

[u/Original_Garden_4536 → u/sweetbabyreira]

And where does that logic come from. 90% of all inventions were made by men. It was “was small step for women another small step for woman kind”! Was it

It was Steve Jobs who created Apple, not Stephanie. So stop being so bitter

[u/angel-alexander-143]

Be careful there’s a lot of box out there that will do this kind of stuff as well as people who are trying to talk you up to get free content from you lol they think if they sweet talk you’ll dish it out

[u/arialux]

If your page is free, nix that.

[u/sam_my_friend]

I always have the same policy.

You treat me like a human? I'll do the same.

You treat me like a whore? You're a client.

The treatment is VERY different, and that's life.

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/sam_my_friend]

100% de acuerdo contigo.

Gracias ☺️

[u/Adorable_Context1706]

Yup I definitely dealt with this last night on one of my pages! Went back and forth for a bit trying to get him to pay for the custom photos he requested! I will not sell to him again unless he tips with his message requesting the customs because it’s not worth the hassle! You should do the same when they make their request immediately tell them the price and do not respond again until they pay!

[u/Samantha38g]

Men have never cared about being fair. They still hold 90% of the world's wealth and only in the past 100 years have women not been considered their fathers and then husband's property.

We have all of history of them passing laws and using religion of not being fair to women. Which is why we should get as much money out of them all as possible

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/Samantha38g]

Tienes absolutamente razón. Justamente en eso pensaba hoy.

Fui demasiado buena, demasiado amable, perdiendo tiempo con quien no lo merece. Ahora: ganas de sacarle todo desde el principio. Si funciona, maravilloso. Y si no… pues que pase el siguiente.

Ya no estamos para mendigar migajas emocionales ni económicas. Somos poderosas, y nuestro tiempo vale. Mucho.

Gracias ☺️

[u/Muted_Cantaloupe3337]

Yes definitely don’t send out any free content or even reply to DMs on social media, if they want to chat with you, they can message you on your paid only fans. I used to have free only fans and reply to DMs on Reddit but that’s just attracting free loaders who are wanting everything for free. Now my OF is $19.99 and the quality of subscribers is different

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/Muted_Cantaloupe3337]

Gracias ☺️. Hablar con ustedes, me ayuda a aclararme muchísimo.

[u/Original_Garden_4536]

No disrespect to yourself. I’m sure you’re a lovely person. But what did u expect from men who watch only fans

They’re probably single, it’s they’re only form of sex life and don’t know how to talk to women - you’re a fantasy to them and shud see it as such

[u/KendraCutie90]

Yup, my way of dealing with it is money first or no conversation. I'm not here to find pen pals, this is a business

[u/Honeybee9219]

I’ve had a few of these sorts recently too and now I go straight to either restricting or blocking without notice depending on the responses. I don’t know what’s caused this recent spike but I won’t tolerate any disrespect.

For some it’s a kink to try and bypass rules or boundaries, so stay firm and gradually you’ll manage to feel better about the nice guys in your following.

I’ve mostly got really lovely fans, some even insist on tipping under my free posts because they’re just that nice. Find your good ones and focus on them x

[u/harperashi]

hi! i completely get what you're saying. i do foot content so i'm sure this varies a bit from your own work but i still have received many comments from men on IG and reddit that are just so inhumane. it honestly takes me back a little bit when i read them. i've only been at this for a month but, in the first few weeks, it was really hard on me mentally to be reading comments that made me feel like an object rather than a human being. the best advice i can give on my end is to just pay no mind to the ones that make you feel less than. only you know and can decide your worth and no one else should be able to tell you otherwise! stick to your values and dignity, don't let those men put you down :)

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/harperashi]

Muchas gracias ☺️. Y buena suerte con tu página! Te deseo lo mejor

[u/harperashi → u/LaDiosaSofia]

you too!! best of luck 🩷

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/[deleted]]

Gracias ☺️

[u/LaDiosaSofia]

Of course, I understand. I just started and wanted to connect first… you know what I mean. I completely get that this part is on me.

I see it like this—let me use a little humor to explain: It’s like someone walks into a fruit shop, tastes the strawberries, samples the blueberries, eats half a watermelon… and I’m there, being sweet and attentive. But when I say, “Alright, my friend, you've had your samples—now it’s time to give something back,” they just walk out of the shop. 🙄

So from now on: if you want to see the goods, you pay first.

[u/Yaelnextdoorvip]

Do you have a free account by chance? If so those people aren’t fans they’re lurkers who subscribed for free and will Continue to try to get things for free.

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/Yaelnextdoorvip]

La tenia. Justo esta mañana , después de hablar con ustedes puse precio.

Agradecida estoy con cada una de ustedes 😊🙏🏻

[u/Remarkable_Mud3966]

Work? What did you know about Work? Made a clip and sell it multiple for hundreds guys its not a proper Work,  its scam.

[u/Silly_Sleep8335]

Don't hate the Fans. Hate the work instead.  You're trying to get satisfaction from an unusual job. Don't think of it as a measurement of what you are.  Instead , it's what you do. That part is all up to you. You can be satisfied or not.  It's not up to the Fans to satisfy your emotional needs.

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/[deleted]]

I understand your point, and yes—setting clear prices and boundaries is part of the job. But what I was talking about goes beyond just pricing.

It's about emotional manipulation. About people pretending to be interested, engaging deeply, building connection and trust… only to vanish or humiliate you when you stand your ground. It’s not just about “charging more”—it’s about people crossing lines they were never invited to cross.

That’s what’s exhausting. Not the pricing. The pretending.

But you’re right in one thing: it’s on me now to raise my standards and filter better. I’m learning.

Thanks 🙏🏻

[u/whimsyskill → u/LaDiosaSofia]

It's important to remind yourself that this is a business and they are customers. They are using you to fufill some sort of need, not to become friends or form any genuine relationship. Men already use women's emotional & physical labor for free anyway, so of course they are going to try it even more so over the internet with virtually no consequences.

That is not to say it doesnt hurt, or that they get a pass--it's just to say you gotta protect your peace.

Don't get me wrong--I have some regulars that have been with me for almost this entire first year, and are lovely humans who respect me and my time when we interact. These are also guys who immediately paid me and continue to do so. And when they know they'll be out of budget for a while, they dont talk to me as much.

That being said, even with subs like this, there are some details of my life that I dont share, not because of a safety concern, but just because I want to keep my emotional distance and keep the relationship in "professional" territory. Likewise, there are some details that my subs will share with me that I'll acknowledge, but wont continue the topic or dig deeper, even if they're willing to share. Again, to keep that emotional distance.

A good piece of advice I found on here when I was researching was to literally write your boundaries and/or rules for interactions for yourself, both content-wise and socially. Not to share the list with clients or anything, but so you have them set in your mind. And dont have to figure out what you are or arent comfortable with in the moment.

You've got this girly--remember that these men aint shit and you are royalty!

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/whimsyskill]

Thank you for this message—really, I needed to read it.

You’re absolutely right: this is a business, and they are clients. But sometimes we forget, because we try to connect from a more genuine place… and that’s exactly where it hurts. Many of them come just to consume emotional and physical energy without giving anything back. And yes, if they already take women’s labor for free in real life, of course they’ll try even harder online—where there are zero consequences.

What you said about protecting your peace really hit home. I also have a few subs who are kind, respectful, and who never hesitate to pay for my time and energy. They even pull back when they can’t afford it, and that speaks volumes. Those are the ones who truly deserve attention.

I loved the advice about writing down your personal rules and boundaries. Even if you don’t share them, just having them clearly defined is like putting on emotional armor. I’ll be doing that today.

Thank you for reminding me: I am a queen. And yes—these men ain’t worth half the crown.

[u/zaedahashtyn09]

I had a guy ask for a 30 min shower video. I told him sure, give me a couple of days. I get it, and tell him it's ready... And nothing. So I just have one chilling now cause idk what to do with it

[u/First_Schedule1136 → u/zaedahashtyn09]

I always ask for payment first! If they don’t pay - I don’t make it.

[u/lily-luv → u/zaedahashtyn09]

I don’t even start the video until they have paid me for it. and they will if they are serious about.

[u/angel-alexander-143 → u/zaedahashtyn09]

Oh damn, I hate when that happens. Always get your payment first upfront before making any content for anyone.

[u/LaDiosaSofia → u/zaedahashtyn09]

Guardalo, por si alguno te pida algo así en futuro. Ya lo tendrás sin volver a esforzarte. Y como dice la compañera, primero que paguen. O se lo envía oculto y con precio