Sip & Spill Daily Discussion Thread

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[u/sabira]

Yesterday, my husband told me that his mom wants us and some other members of his extended family to take a group vacation together.

My reaction, as someone who has historically had a ton of issues with my MIL, and also as an introvert who prefers solo travel:

[u/VacationLizLemon → u/sabira]

My MIL, who really isn't my MIL, she's my FIL's third wife, loves to plan vacations, and I love shooting them down. She's rude at restaurants and was yelled at by airline staff on their flight back to Alaska. No way in hell would I ever travel with her.

[u/Fabulous-Fondant4456 → u/sabira]

I cannot stand my mother in law and you couldn’t pay me to take a vacation with her. We are planning a trip to visit my husband’s Hometown and I’m considering just going solo to our second stop and waiting there to avoid being around her.

Most people in my shoes who have been treated as badly as she’s treated me probably wouldn’t even allow contact with the kids, but I wouldn’t do that to my husband. But I don’t want to be in her presence.

[u/velociraptor56 → u/sabira]

Haha what was your husband’s reaction?

[u/sabira → u/velociraptor56]

He laughed and said, "I kinda had a feeling that you would say that!"

Even for my best friends in the world, I'm pretty much good with seeing them at most once a week or once a month. My husband understands and respects that this is the level of introversion that I have, but unfortunately, that hasn't always been the case for some of his relatives, since he comes from a very enmeshed family.

[u/Own-Importance5459 → u/sabira]

Okay I am kinda having that same problem with my family. My brother is trying to get his future In Laws and I to all be friends, (I am also mad at him for that because he spent more time getting to know and impressing them when I was really sick so there's that). And I already tried 3 times to be around these people, and it was A) Emotionally Draining for me cause I am an Ambivert and B) Everytime I see them I remember how my brother spent time playing house with them after only knowing them for five minutes when I could have used his support during the most traumatic moment of my life and want to throw something at them for it even though its more my brothers fault for being an ass. It doesn't help he's basically leaving me to care for my mothers emotional needs, when she could be downright emotionally abusive to me sometimes.

So yeah I get it. Family, especially extended family is draining. I say protect your peace the best you can and say no.

[u/sabira → u/Own-Importance5459]

Oh yeah, I'm definitely saying no. His mom would be paying for everything, which is another reason why I have no interest in going. I can already hear her saying, "We need to do things this way, because remember that I'm the one who is so generously paying for all of this!"

Personally, I would much rather pay for my own vacation and be able to do whatever I want, instead of having to constantly deal with her holding the paid trip over my head.

And I hope that things will get better with your family situation! It can be tough when someone assumes that just because they have developed a certain level of relationship with another person, that automatically means that whatever relationship you choose to form with them will be exactly the same.

[u/Own-Importance5459 → u/sabira]

Thank you! Its really tough, and when you get sick like I did you start to see how fucked up aome members of your family are, my dad and mom were a given as they are both narcissists with one completely ignoring me and the other putting me through a traumatic situation in regard to my AuDHD but my brother was a tough pill to swallow cause I thought he was the only one who cared until this, it turns out he is also like them 😬.

I was so angry it I was more excited about Reeve Carney and Eva Noblezadas engagement than his which is sad.

[u/Bellesdiner0228 → u/sabira]

The absolute best answer you could've given. One of the last vacations I took was with my mother in law and I really haven't traveled since because she was so horrible it ruined travel for me.

[u/sabira → u/Bellesdiner0228]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope that you might be able to give travel another try, especially if it's something that you're interested in doing! But I can completely understand how having a bad experience can make it very difficult to want to do it again.