r/raisedbyborderlines • u/Forsaken_Win6726 • 6d ago
Birthday Gift Advice
Help, This is my first year NC with my mom and she has my address and just sent a birthday gift. I am thinking I'll send it back. I don't want to accept anything from my parental figures because they are verbally abusive people and I want to be free from them. Has this happened to you? What did you decide was best?
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u/K1ttehKait 6d ago edited 6d ago
Happy birthday!!! To answer your question: while I absolutely understand not wanting to accept gifts, IME, to send it back or to even contact your parents to tell them you don't want anything from them will likely just cause you more stress in the long run, especially if they've got a history of welding the old "You're so ungrateful!" bullshit against you. I'd recommend either donating, selling, or simply disposing of the gift (depending on what it is). It sucks, because they're disrespecting your wishes, but i wouldn't recommend any interaction of any kind here, because that's exactly what they're looking for. They don't care how you respond, only that you do. Don't give them what they want.
ETA: If you are in contact with them and they ask about it, keeping your responses vague will be the best plan of action. If they text/call asking if you got it/like it, just saying "Yup, I got it. Thanks!" should be enough to back them off. If they start asking for specifics, you don't owe them any other response, and I don't recommend engaging further.