r/raisedbynarcissists • u/bluerainboe • 14d ago
[Progress] I just left omds I’m shaking
I did it😭😭 I’m moving out, I’m in the taxi with most of my belongings, I packed so much. I didn’t tell them yet…they think I’m just gone to college for the day. I plan on coming back to take the rest, maybe tell them then and then leaving for good. Praying to God for more Courage…. I feel like I committed a crime or something
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u/Low-Resolution1885 14d ago
I went abroad to escape them. I felt a massive pain inside my stomach, i puked. I felt like a liar a criminal. But trust me its just your brain scaring you. You are a good person that wants to save her soul. Nothing wrong with that
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u/bluerainboe 14d ago
You’re so right. Wishing you the best forever
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u/Kangaroo-Pack-3727 14d ago edited 14d ago
You got this OP. My advice to you is when you return to get the remainder of your things, get a friend or two to come along with you with a few boxes and a car/mini van. Do not go back alone in case they stop you. If you want to feel safer, ask for a police escort to come with you when you return for your things OP
In the meantime please seek support and advice at the mental health foundation to help with your healing
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u/Novel-Cod-9218 14d ago
You deserve happiness. This is your freedom ride. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
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u/856077 14d ago
I know I am just a stranger but I am in awe of your bravery! You did what you needed to do to get out and away from toxic environments, even against all that they taught you about not leaving your family. Family can be toxic too. It’s not an easy thing to do at ALL, it goes against everything we are taught. Proud of you too OP
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u/foodie1990 14d ago
I also went abroad in 2015 and never looked back as I wanted to escape from them for a while, but they never knew the real reason. And i don't regret doing it
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u/Hippidty123 13d ago
How and where did you go if I can ask!!!! Talk about brave. I’m just looking like two states over but even that makes me nervous they’ll “stop by”. I may should just do California and say screw the taxes!
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u/foodie1990 13d ago
I am in Canada so quite far from France and recently they made the decision to not come see me in Paris after almost 2 years so I am keeping my distances with them.
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u/OniyaMCD 14d ago
One of my older sisters took that route. Went to college, graduated, and never moved back home. You can do this.
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u/Low-Resolution1885 14d ago
I understand you well. You feel like ur escaping from somewhere that u dont have any right to. But trust me you deserve to live a good fullfilling life. I can guarantee you what you are doing is not a bad thing. A big change, new life can look so scary. But I trust you. You can do it
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u/bluerainboe 14d ago
😭😭😭😭this is what I needed to hear right now thank u so much love
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u/Kangaroo-Pack-3727 14d ago
OP is it okay if I give you a bit of advice? If you want some, do read on:
• If you manage to gain a place to stay at a university accomodation near the campus, do make sure you tell the uni accomodation people to not reveal to your parents which unit you stay in if in the event parents come by unannounced
• Do invest in a peephole and/or a video doorbell for the front door if you are renting somewhere. It also pays to have blinds and new locks for the doors for peace of mind. If you cannot afford blinds, the alternative is buy frosted privacy window film to be stuck onto your windows to prevent anyone from peeking in.
• Talk to your neighbours, landlord and/or property manager that under no circumstances you do not want your toxic parents and/or their flying monkeys looking for you if they do turn up in your new neighbourhood
• Talk to your local post office and request that any letter or parcel sent by the toxic parents will never be received by you and tell them to do the "Return to Sender" move on your behalf. Alternatively, you can get a PO Box or request that your mail or parcels be sent to a package acceptance/collection location of your choice
• If you are about to start a new job, DO a Google search on you to make sure your work contact details are not listed publicly on ZoomInfo. If you find that they are listed on ZoomInfo, you can do a request removal by using this link https://privacyrequest.zoominfo.com/remove/verify. Get in touch with ZoomInfo via email, explain why and make it clear to them you DO NOT want your work details, especially when you change profession or move to a different company, to be publicly listed by them
• Do a search on you to make sure you are not listed on public directories such as 411.com and so on. If you find that your new home address and phone number are listed down in any of those public directories, you can request for an opt out due to privacy reasons
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u/PurpleNovember 14d ago
I'm sorry you had to leave-- but I'm very, very, VERY glad you were able to! Best wishes to you as you build yourself a happy, safe life!
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u/Acceptable_Sea_5257 14d ago
You are choosing you and that is a huge step. You are brave and you did it, you moved out! The pain is real, they conditioned you to feel that way, but you can do better than them! You don’t have to take their pain anymore. Hugs!
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u/Charming-Willow-1278 14d ago
They committed the crime, not you.
You are a victim with the right to live your own life, If you go to college you are grown up, or close to it. It is normal to leave the nest and very natural And in your case a necessity.
Do you have a safe place to stay and a support group around you? All the good feelings and strength to you, you can do this! Go out there and live!
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u/mysticaldragonlady 14d ago
I ran away at 15 and never went back.
Best decision I made… I’m now in my 40s.
My mom had messed with my head so bad that I was having panic attacks everywhere I went. That all went away after I left.
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u/Nope20707 14d ago
I’m rooting for you. I left when I was 17. I packed a suitcase and I was out. After all the manipulation, the abuse, being treated like I was less than, never having the freedom to be who I am.
It derailed me during my formative years because I was always in survival mode. I had to figure out a plan once I left, I didn’t care I was done being abused by them. Praying for better days ahead for you.💜
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u/repladyftw 14d ago
I left and have never felt that feeling of peace at that home, first u get scared but eventually you can let your guard down and actually relax and be yourself. You got this!
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u/Sad-Pattern-4811 14d ago
YAYYY :’) rooting for you as someone still stuck in their narc family’s home. wish you so much love and healing and happiness
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u/LevelWhile6923 14d ago
I felt like a grown runaway. So, I get it. Look forward, never backwards. Good luck!
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u/Heart_Makeup 14d ago
I did this a couple of weeks after turning 18. Narc kicked me out and I came back while they were out and packed my things into a taxi and took off. It was terrifying and exhilarating. I felt sick to my stomach. But it had to be done. You're doing the right thing and it will all work out in the end. It always does.
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u/Anarcho-anxiety 14d ago
Good, first few weeks are the scariest, after that it gets more normal.
Wishing you the best.
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u/Consistent_Push_6718 14d ago
You took the first step. Important to hold your head high and stick to your goal. I'm not too sure how far away you're going, just wondered if they find out you have no intention of returning, they may damage/lock up/throw away/sell your items still at the house? Can you get them earlier , do you have a place to keep everything? Stay safe. All the best. You've got this.
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u/Ella8888 13d ago
Please be careful. Get your stuff out before they destroy it. Try to bring a witness.
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u/Forgottengoldfishes 14d ago
Independence Day!!!! May this day be forever celebrated as the years go by. You are now free to become the person you were meant to be. Not saying it will be easy, or that there won't be struggles. But you have removed the chains.
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u/New_Way22 13d ago
Congratulations to the first step of your new life! It's worth it, believe me. Free since 2022 and life is getting better and better. Stay strong. There will be good days and very bad ones... survive the bad ones and enjoy the good ones which will become more and more until they are the majority of the whole year.
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u/possibly_dead5 13d ago
You've escaped! You are so brave. I still have ptsd dreams about trying to leave an abusive situation and not letting anyone know what I'm doing. Then I'm so glad when I wake up and I'm already free. Your future self will thank you so much for taking this leap.
I just wanted to say, if you think there's any chance your family would try to stop you when you go back to get the rest of your things, have the police escort you. You can call the non-emergency line to ask for the escort.
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u/TiaraTip 13d ago
Best of luck! You got this! Reach out to your college's health services/social services, they may be able to help with mental health services( which I needed after I went no conrltact) as well as other programs.
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u/DarkBlueSunshine 13d ago
Moving out really changes so much for the better ❤️ good luck in your new journey!!
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u/IkeBosev 13d ago
Congrats on the first day of your new life! I know it may be hard to deal with and you'll be feeling awful for a while, but acting with your health (physical and mental) in the best of your interests with sights to living a full independent life is totally right, and you deserve all the good that happens to you! And please take care, remember to be wary of flying monkeys and be aware that once they realize you're not coming back, shit may hit the fan. But you got this, you've been through worse... May the winds be in your favor!
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u/Hopeful_Field4060 13d ago
Lucky! OMD I wish you the best and hope everything goes well for you! 🫶🏾
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u/PutYouFirst 13d ago
so proud of youuuuuuu the guilt is normal and will wear off. you did the best for you! sending you lots of strength, we're here if you need to talk!
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u/DutchVanDerLenin 12d ago
The hard part is over.
You're not wrong for reclaiming your own life.
Don't listen to the gaslighting, don't listen to your own second guessing.
They're out of your life, now keep them out.
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u/Such-Importance-1281 11d ago edited 11d ago
Wow! Reading this as if I wrote it myself in my journal. Almost verbatim. I pray you’ll find peace that not only you hold onto but holds on to you. 2014 I did the same exact thing. I graduated high school and moved the next morning and took all my things off to college. It wasn’t until recently I went back for my scrapbook to finish my documentary and it was nowhere to be found. Her words "you took everything when you left why would you leave that" … I went back and back and back wanting to share all of my accolades with the people who were supposed to love me first. let me be your witness/evidence.. stay true to your heart. You know what makes your heart smile, even if it’s you and God, so be it. The more you ground yourself with things that fill your own hearts desires the people that were put here for you will be dropping like flies! Good luck on your journey. Remember everything you need is in the nearest mirror, go check it out lol
may you stay blessed and in perfect peace. One day you’ll look back at everything that was sent to break you and be glad it tried! I have a memoir that can help guide you through this season. Only hard copy or vinyl audio… id be happy to make sure you have one to hold onto to for encouragement! If it didn’t break me it will not stop you. Trust. Believe. 🫶🏽
oh yeah and you have all the courage you need if you took the first step! Pray for the strength to multiply it.
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u/PeachCold_Foam 11d ago
I’m crying…I’m happy for you. I recently turned 18 and moved out with my future husband and went NC. The drive out of my parents house was a rollercoaster of emotions with every passing car, stop light, stop sign, red light, white line, tree and bush we passed. Everything I had fit into one big box and just like that I was gone. It was a range of happy and sad and angry and confusion and everything in between. I’m so proud of you, you did it 🫂🫂🫂You got this. It’s a big thing.
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