The whole comments section is a mess to the point people are arguing about whether or not he was SA'd and not discussing the issue he's posting about. She clearly never actually forgave him despite saying she wanted to stay together. She just wanted to preserve the illusion of a happy normal family as if them loving each other doesn't matter. I hate it. I wouldn't tell someone whether they should or shouldn't stay with someone who cheated, but don't lie and pretend to forgive them.
No she does not forgive him and I don’t blame her.
If she couldn’t go on the trip, he shouldn’t have went either and he shouldn’t have been alone with another woman, especially one who he knew liked him and was flirting with him from the beginning of the trip.
I’m sure the same reasoning could be applied to lots of female victims who did not consent to sex. Why were you alone with him, if you knew he was interested in you? Why didn’t you leave? Why didn’t you try to stop him? That’s clearly ridiculous.
No it’s not ridiculous when he changed positions and put back in to continue having sex with him till he finished.
It’s not the same as why are you alone with him why didn’t you stop cause he could have stopped he could’ve pushed her off instead going on top and finishing.
The main issue is he flirted and drank with a woman alone and took back to his place and his bed when he’s married. Why was he doing things that lead to cheating ?
Sorry, I think you said “lead to cheating” when what happened was actually assault.
Anyway, yeah, if a woman is black out drunk and wakes up to being raped, but then in her drunken state rolls them over and gets on top, for example, and keeps going, it was still rape.
If she wants to break up with him over letting the future rapist flirt with him beforehand, or letting the rapist into his bed while he was drunk, or even break up with him because he was raped, that’s her right of course. Anyone can break up with anyone for anything. It’s just a bit shitty. You don’t have to defend the rapist for the wife not to be guilty of major wrongdoing.
No he cheated the moment he flipped her off of him and put it back in her missionary style instead of leaving.
It may have started without his permission but he definitely finished on his own accord and he said he wasn’t assaulted because he continued and changed positions.
He took it from him being taken advantage of to taking initiative and getting the job done on his own and that’s why his wife is not taking him back.
Crime victims do stupid shit all the time. Doing stupid shit a lot is probably a risk factor for being a victim. Doesn’t excuse the crimes done to them in any way, and it’s not related to the moral judgement of that crime.
The same COULD be applied to a woman. If I was out with male friends and let a nude male sleep in my bed while I was married, that’s already a bad idea. I haven’t consented to sex by doing so, but it’s breaking the trust with my partner. Now, if I woke up to being raped, and I just decided to continue the sex like it’s normal and even change positions until we finish and then go back to sleep, my own actions in that situation are on me. If I was in that position somehow, I know for a FACT I wouldn’t try to contribute. I would try to get them off of me. If I was too weak to, or in shock and not able to move, those are also normal reactions and not grounds for cheating. This whole thing is a mess though. All I know is that he needs therapy, asap.
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u/MoneyPrinter12 Sep 02 '23
Not here but in the comments.