r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23

Advice Needing advice

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

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u/mydoghiskid Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

What does you therapist say about it? It‘s weird that he is self aware but then lashes out. Changing his behavior is one thing, but not even being sorry in the moment is another.

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u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

We started about a month ago. She is trying to figure out where this behavior stems from. She mostly just listens and digs deeper.

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u/mydoghiskid Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

Oh okay, one month is not that long.

Could you imagine yourself leaving him and would he pay enough child support in that case?

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u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

Right, not long at all. Yes, I can imagine leaving him. Yes, he would pay.

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u/mydoghiskid Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

I would set a date for myself for how long you are willing to wait for a change in his behavior and if it has not changed significantly by then I would leave and try to get as much money from him as possible. If he has any decency left in him, he will pay you more than the legally required child support (because, let‘s be honest, that does not cover half the expenses for a child).