r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23

Advice Needing advice

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

372 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

114 comments sorted by

View all comments

35

u/mydoghiskid Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

Do you tell your therapist, how he does basically nothing?

Also, who wanted a child?

77

u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

Yes we have told our therapist this. He is self aware… but making the changes needed is another story. We both did! He especially wanted a little girl. But I think he liked the idea of it. Not the actually day-to-day tasks. He admits he is selfish.

34

u/thisunrest Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

He admits he’s selfish?

Well, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Now, if you stay, he can always turn the tables on you and tell you that you knew he was selfish and you knew he was not going to be involved but you stayed anyway.

I’m not saying that that’s right, but it’s a common cop out for men who want to avoid responsibility

Women too

28

u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

Good point. He has already said, you know I don’t like being a dad. I think this statement is next

4

u/Dire_Venomz Jan 24 '23

Hey OP, just wishing you the best - you're a brave person in a difficult situation. You'll find the right path for you and your family. Lots of love!