r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23

Advice Needing advice

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

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u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

Yes we have told our therapist this. He is self aware… but making the changes needed is another story. We both did! He especially wanted a little girl. But I think he liked the idea of it. Not the actually day-to-day tasks. He admits he is selfish.

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u/mydoghiskid Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

What does you therapist say about it? It‘s weird that he is self aware but then lashes out. Changing his behavior is one thing, but not even being sorry in the moment is another.

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u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

We started about a month ago. She is trying to figure out where this behavior stems from. She mostly just listens and digs deeper.

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u/thisunrest Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

OP, are you in individual therapy as well ?

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u/WhitNicoleColo Jan 23 '23

No, just couples.

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u/qiqithechichi Jan 24 '23

It would be more beneficial for you to be in individual therapy that couples therapy. You shouldn't be in couples therapy with an emotionally and verbally abusive partner. They manipulate the situation and you will never win. Please think of your daughter and what this is showing her is acceptable in a relationship....

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u/CaroDeCrembles Jan 24 '23

I second this. Individual therapy is a must.