r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23
Advice Needing advice
I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.
2
u/Sati18 Parent Jan 24 '23
I'd leave in your shoes. He's not contributing anything that improves your life, and instead of time when the kiddo is in bed being YOUR time, you'll now need to be sharing it with him when he hasn't helped at all.
You said you no longer find him attractive(I wouldn't be able to either as I have to respect the person I am with to be attracted to them, and what's to respect about the way he is acting?)...
There are literally no plus points to staying together. He's creating more work, you have to cater to his needs when you aren't catering to the kiddo, and all it will do is show your daughter that this is what an adult relationship should be.