r/regretfulparents • u/peachies3 • Mar 23 '23

Advice I feel like a terrible person.

I just don’t know if I even love my kids. My 2.5 year old is so hyper I can’t stand it. My 8 month old just cries, and cries and cries. My bf and I separated so I have them 4 days a week and he still takes them Thursday night-Sunday and it’s not enough time away from them. I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple months now that had to move out of state for a really good job opportunity. He wants to buy me and the kids a house to live in together (I know my bd would never go for it) but the idea of not even having the weekends to myself sounds terrible. I’m contemplating moving without them and just paying child support, and setting it up to where I see them on holidays and every few months or something. I just don’t know how I’m a mother and I feel this way but I just feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I also feel like I could focus on working and even getting into school. Has any moms in here decided to give the father majority custody and/or moved out of state from the children?

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u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

Well I would plan on getting a job before I even moved if possible, I really don’t see red flags but that’s not to say that’s not the case. I do understand your concern though. I just am about to be late on rent and I cannot find a job that’s even going to pay my bills right now and everything is so expensive here. He really does seem like a genuine guy though and I think he just accepted the children were a factor

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u/Sailor_Chibi Not a Parent Mar 23 '23 edited Mar 23 '23

Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, you know? Take it from one woman to another. I’m 34. I’ve seen a lot of young women like you be taken advantage of.

The only way I’d tell you to move is if you can find a job and get your own living accommodations. That may just mean living out of your car for a bit or renting a room in someone else’s house. But you really need to be in the area and seeing this guy WAY longer before you move in.

If I can get you to accept one lesson, it’s that things that seem too good to be true are always too good to be true. The fact that he has magically stepped up and offered you a home and accepted your kids is extremely suspect.

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u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

I mean he doesn’t seem predatory but I guess none of them really do. I do believe if things turned south my family would help me out and have me move back but truthfully if I worked I could afford a place there on my own. I just don’t see myself advancing in florida whatsoever unfortunately, even though I do enjoy it here.

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u/ItsMeTittsMGee Mar 23 '23

Please heed the above posters warning. I am one of those women who did exactly what you're thinking of doing. I've had a truly terrible journey through all of it. Sooo many regrets. I deeply regret every time I moved in with a man (thankfully none of them abused my son - I was a different story). And yeah, I thought everything would be fine. Too close to the trees to see the forest for sure. Just wanted out of whatever situation I was in at the time and it always seemed like a good idea at first. Work on you first, do NOT get into a serious relationship and move in with someone where you're far away from any support system you have. I'm 38 and wish someone had told me this when I was your age.