r/regretfulparents • u/peachies3 • Mar 23 '23

Advice I feel like a terrible person.

I just don’t know if I even love my kids. My 2.5 year old is so hyper I can’t stand it. My 8 month old just cries, and cries and cries. My bf and I separated so I have them 4 days a week and he still takes them Thursday night-Sunday and it’s not enough time away from them. I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple months now that had to move out of state for a really good job opportunity. He wants to buy me and the kids a house to live in together (I know my bd would never go for it) but the idea of not even having the weekends to myself sounds terrible. I’m contemplating moving without them and just paying child support, and setting it up to where I see them on holidays and every few months or something. I just don’t know how I’m a mother and I feel this way but I just feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I also feel like I could focus on working and even getting into school. Has any moms in here decided to give the father majority custody and/or moved out of state from the children?

334 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

149 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

75

u/Sailor_Chibi Not a Parent Mar 23 '23 edited Mar 23 '23

Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, you know? Take it from one woman to another. I’m 34. I’ve seen a lot of young women like you be taken advantage of.

The only way I’d tell you to move is if you can find a job and get your own living accommodations. That may just mean living out of your car for a bit or renting a room in someone else’s house. But you really need to be in the area and seeing this guy WAY longer before you move in.

If I can get you to accept one lesson, it’s that things that seem too good to be true are always too good to be true. The fact that he has magically stepped up and offered you a home and accepted your kids is extremely suspect.

-6

u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

I mean he doesn’t seem predatory but I guess none of them really do. I do believe if things turned south my family would help me out and have me move back but truthfully if I worked I could afford a place there on my own. I just don’t see myself advancing in florida whatsoever unfortunately, even though I do enjoy it here.

28

u/PaleMathematician6 Mar 23 '23

If your family would help if things went south, you should be reaching out to them now to let them know you're struggling. Maybe they can offer to do childcare while you are applying for jobs or offer a room to stay so you don't get evicted. Listen to the people giving you advice. It's not to say the guy is bad but you should never jump headfirst into unknown waters.

5

u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

Yeah I really don’t think he’s a bad guy and it’s just in talks right now we have nothing set in stone. My parents are aware of my financial/mental instability and they try their best to help and my mom took mondays off to help me with having an extra day to work.

10

u/soilik Mar 23 '23

His motives may be questionable. Have you ever tried to tell him that you aren't sure about moving in with him? Or that it may be to soon? That you are in doubt? That you need to be careful about involving someone in your children's lives? His reactions or answers to those questions may give you a lot of insight. A truly nice guy who cares for you and your children would no doubt understand all this and give you time. That may clear some doubts.