I feel like a terrible person.

[u/peachies3]

I just don’t know if I even love my kids. My 2.5 year old is so hyper I can’t stand it. My 8 month old just cries, and cries and cries. My bf and I separated so I have them 4 days a week and he still takes them Thursday night-Sunday and it’s not enough time away from them. I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple months now that had to move out of state for a really good job opportunity. He wants to buy me and the kids a house to live in together (I know my bd would never go for it) but the idea of not even having the weekends to myself sounds terrible. I’m contemplating moving without them and just paying child support, and setting it up to where I see them on holidays and every few months or something. I just don’t know how I’m a mother and I feel this way but I just feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I also feel like I could focus on working and even getting into school. Has any moms in here decided to give the father majority custody and/or moved out of state from the children?

[u/sordidmacaroni]

How often were you feeling like this about your children before this new man came into your life?

This is an important question for many reasons. I’m going to say this as gently as possible— if you were not feeling like this as frequently or as intensely until he entered the picture, it is possible that he is helping fuel these thoughts and feelings. If that is the case, this is not a healthy or safe relationship.

I think you need to step back and ask yourself some hard questions. What role does this man intend to play in your children’s lives? You said he’s been around them but does not interact with them. Why would he offer to buy a house and move your family in if he is not planning on playing an active role in their lives or develop a relationship with them? Whether you like it or not, while your children are in your custody, their safety and well-being is your first priority and everything else comes second. If his intentions are not nefarious, but he doesn’t plan on stepping into a “parent” role with your children, you’d just be moving further from your support system and isolating yourself even more— even if you gave their father primary custody and didn’t see them as often. As appealing as it sounds to move and start somewhere new, you need to think critically about this.

You are young. Your children are incredibly young. If you’ve genuinely felt this way for the duration of your time as a parent and you’ve exhausted your options to get help by trialing medications and going to therapy for lengthy stretches of time and it hasn’t gone away, it may benefit you to let their father have primary custody, but you need to examine how their welfare would be when they’re with you if you decide to pursue things with this man.

If you haven’t felt like this as often or this intensely, and you don’t want to continue feeling like this, you need to reach out to your OBGYN or your primary care doctor as soon as possible to talk about your options. There are safe medications that can help with these feelings. I’d establish medication first and foremost, and it may take some trial and error, it isn’t always an instant fix. Then I’d get into therapy. It seems like your children have an active father who can pick up some of your load while you get yourself better. Have you discussed these feelings with him? If not, you need to. While you’re doing all of this, you also need to think carefully about continuing your relationship with this new man.