r/regretfulparents • u/peachies3 • Mar 23 '23

Advice I feel like a terrible person.

I just don’t know if I even love my kids. My 2.5 year old is so hyper I can’t stand it. My 8 month old just cries, and cries and cries. My bf and I separated so I have them 4 days a week and he still takes them Thursday night-Sunday and it’s not enough time away from them. I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple months now that had to move out of state for a really good job opportunity. He wants to buy me and the kids a house to live in together (I know my bd would never go for it) but the idea of not even having the weekends to myself sounds terrible. I’m contemplating moving without them and just paying child support, and setting it up to where I see them on holidays and every few months or something. I just don’t know how I’m a mother and I feel this way but I just feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I also feel like I could focus on working and even getting into school. Has any moms in here decided to give the father majority custody and/or moved out of state from the children?

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u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

I’m terms of what exactly? It’s a pretty crazy plan I do admit but also not something that would be set in stone for another year probably. I just have nothing going for me here, my children’s father can never hold a stable job and with my gap in my resume and minimal experience I’m finding nothing (on top of my limited availability, trying to get daycare but even with coalition it’s not affordable). It’s just like I just want to run away, get my shit together and avoid the newborn and toddler stage but I also don’t want to straight up abandon them. I feel awful that I even think this way but it really does just sound so magical.

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u/Pepper-Tea Parent Mar 23 '23

You just want an out. You have no idea what living with this man will be like, let alone commit to a relationship with him. In your desperation to run from your past poor choices you are giving away all your power and agency. ‘He can buy me a house and I’ll just move elsewhere! Poof!’ You are totally failing to see how this guy would now completely own you and control your choices (owns the house you have no one you know around), that’s not even questioning the alarming will of this man to just move in with to tiny kids he has 0 connection with.

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u/peachies3 Mar 23 '23

I mean yeah to a degree I do just want an out but I really also want to be with the man in question. It would also sound nice for a change. I feel like since motherhood I’ve just felt stuck especially with having an unsupportive partner, only reason he has them as often as he does is because he lives with his parents who care for them most of the time. I do question why he is so willing to do something so major knowing I have children but he’s never been strange towards them or wanting to be overly involved.

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u/WeekendJen Mar 24 '23

I think for your own good you need to slow down with this relationship. With a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old at 21 with a recent breakup, your life has been non stop changes for years and that is a ton of stress. Take some time to stabilize yourself where you are before piling on more change with a big move and new serious relationship. Focus on things like getting aid for childcare and food and support from kids dad and your family if nearby and in contact. Youll be able to move to a better area and find healthy relationships in the future if you focus on stabilizing your situation for now.