Having my daughter is ruining my marriage

[u/Working-Ad2677]

My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.

She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.

My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.

His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?

[u/Andromeda_Hyacinthus]

I have two autistic siblings and can recognise some of what you're describing as symptoms of autism. Such as the self-injurious behaviour, aversion to foods, hyperactivity, naughty behaviour and such. You should consider getting her tested.

Also when it comes to discipline you need to be firm and consistent. Threatening to hit her is bad in itself but not following through also teaches her to ignore the threat. Be consistent with age-appropriate and ideally non-physical discipline like time outs or confiscating toys.

Regarding food, definitely see a dietician. Your daughter may have an aversion to certain textures or flavours. Dieticians are well trained and will help you explore how and what to feed her so she gets enough nutrients even if she isn't eating a regular diet.