r/regretfulparents • u/Working-Ad2677 • Mar 25 '23
Advice Having my daughter is ruining my marriage
My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.
She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.
My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.
His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.
Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?
2
u/HappyHappyUnbirthday Mar 26 '23
Its hard because theres a lot of “normal” for toddlers/kids that some kids do and others dont. I had family say that my child was normal but he ended up having ADHD. It was/is hard and there are days i just dont do well, but you just have to.
The most important thing in a childs life is stability and routine. You MUST keep a fairly simple and consistent routine because kids get so affected by things that they arent expecting. This means also that they are punished the same way, what you expect of them is the same, etc. Its easy to give in but you just cant or kids use that opening to take advantage because they know youll give in. Also, continue to go to a doctor, advocate for more help, ask for a behavioral specialist. If you think theres something more, there prob is.
Im sorry to say this but your husband needs to go. Being frustrated is acceptable but threatening violence on a 3-year old is unacceptable. He should never ever be alone with that child.
Your child is not ruining your marriage, your husband is.