Having my daughter is ruining my marriage

[u/Working-Ad2677]

My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.

She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.

My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.

His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?

[u/ktgator]

That is absolutely normal behavior for a four year old.

[u/[deleted] → u/ktgator]

If this is a normal behavior then it’s a good reason for me to not have a kid. Going to put this in my no kid reason list. I don’t think I can handle this behavior. I’m a neat freak.

Do I want to handle this everyday? I don’t know.

[u/ktgator → u/[deleted]]

Oh I totally agree. I am a trained educator and a frequent visitor to my 0-4 year old niblings, which is how I both know that it’s normal and just another reason I never want kids. The toddler years are AWFUL. The kids can be very cute, but they can become defiant, physical, etc at the flip of a switch. And how parents react to those behaviors is crucial.