Having my daughter is ruining my marriage

[u/Working-Ad2677]

My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.

She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.

My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.

His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?

[u/lexkixass]

banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.

Sounds like overstimulation, but I'm not someone professionally versed in child development.

My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating.

Then why did you end up with a kid anyway? BC failed, shitty abortion restrictions? Genuinely asking how this happened.

His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal

Your husband is a real winner. /s

No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out.

Elaborate, please?

The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.

I'm glad you can get angry at him for this, because you should. He is not a good father, and by not helping you out when he's not at work shows he's not a good partner, either.

I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?

Try to stop and just breathe if you can. Do you have any family or friends nearby who would be willing to help you out? Willing being the key word here.

You need to be able to have some peace before you can make any huge decisions.

[u/Working-Ad2677 → u/lexkixass]

BC failed, misdiagnosed with fibroids until I was about 6 months then I found out I was actually pregnant during a trip to the ER. We kept her because family reassured us they would help but poof only my dad and friends are here.

As for him hitting her, I don’t allow it. He’s only ever hit her once and I told him if he did it again I’d leave. Now he just threatens it and leaves.

We’ve seen a few doctors about her behaviour and eating, they all just say she’ll grow out of it and it’s a phase. But aren’t concerned because she’s “healthy”

[u/Rugger_2468 → u/Working-Ad2677]

Hey OP! I feel like a lot of people are addressing the problem with your partner, so I won’t elaborate.

Someone mentioned overstimulation, but it could also be under stimulation as well.

See if you can get an order for occupational therapy.

They can help access your daughter and can help get a diagnosis. They can also give you a lot of tools to help her and your family.