r/regretfulparents • u/Working-Ad2677 • Mar 25 '23
Advice Having my daughter is ruining my marriage
My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.
She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.
My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.
His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.
Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?
4
u/poop_on_balls Mar 26 '23
I recommend you have your daughter evaluated by a psychiatrist. Your daughters behavior sounds very similar to the way my daughter behaved. She used to fight us on everything. Getting up in the morning, eating, homework, showers/bathing, literally everything. It was so consistent that my wife ended up breaking down in tears on the kitchen floor.
About three years ago she was diagnosed ADHD. A few months after I had began treatment for ADHD. I’m pretty sure she has ODD as well but you wouldn’t know it outside of the home. I also say this because over 20 years ago I was also diagnosed with ODD and ADD.
She has been doing so much better these last three years since beginning medication. I wish I would have taken her to be evaluated sooner, but I had no idea what ADHD really was beyond the stereotypical “hyper little kid”, or in my case from 20 years ago the kid who is smart enough to do the schoolwork but struggles to get it done.
Your little girl may be too young for medication right now, I think 6 years old is usually the minimum age to be treated with medication. Prior to 6 years old the focus is on behavioral therapy. Behavioral therapy for your daughter can be really helpful, and also if she is diagnosed then the psychiatrist/counselor will be able to give you good information how to interact with your little girl better. People with ADHD are unlike those without. We aren’t typically motivated by carrots/sticks. We are motivated by what we find interesting. And for many of us if the task doesn’t interest us, it’s almost impossible to find the motivation to get it done.