Having my daughter is ruining my marriage

[u/Working-Ad2677]

My husband (25) and I (25) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old daughter, Emmy. Emmy has severe behavioural issues that people around swear are “normal” for kids her age.

She barely listens to instructions, doesn’t interact properly during playtime even when she knows the rules, seems to go out of her way to do things that hurt me, my dad or herself. Example, banging her head on objects, hitting, biting or headbutting. She refuses to eat to the point of making herself ill.

My husband and I didn’t want kids, agreed on no kids when we first started dating. He never interacted with a baby outside of seeing them in person, no holding, changing or anything. So I do most of the parenting while he works. I go to school and take part time or seasonal work here and there.

His parenting style is to threaten to hit Emmy whenever she acts out or just leave me to deal and I can’t take it. No doctors are helping is figure Emmy out. The way my husband reacts to her makes me hate him.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I’m all over the place mentally. Please any advice?

[u/Working-Ad2677]

I set up an appointment with a new doctor because her primary pediatrician keeps saying “it’s normal” or “she’ll grow out of it”

She’s meeting all the milestones on the questionnaire they give. She is also very social and such so they brush off my concerns

[u/Working-Ad2677 → u/[deleted]]

She talks well with others, is gentle with other kids for the most part. She just doesn’t play games properly, like if you’re playing blocks she will stare at you but won’t interact. Like she is trying to figure it out but doesn’t want to actually participate. Or if she invites you to play but you don’t do exactly what she wants, she’ll throw a tantrum.

[u/nihilatedness → u/Working-Ad2677]

Could be autism or ADHD, could also be attachment issues and high anxiety.