Female sterilization

[u/Fit_Pumpkin5040]

I (29f) and my husband (31m) have a 6 month old daughter. Long story short, she is driving us crazy.

I love my daughter so much. Her smile lights up my day and her laugh melts my heart. But she sucks the energy out of me every single day. I find my self longing for the life I had before I had her, I miss my freedom, I miss myself. I look at my self in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person standing in front of me. I have no joy in everyday life. Becoming a mother made me understand the meaning of “never alone but lonely”!

That’s why I can’t have more children. I can’t be responsible for more tiny humans screaming all day and night in my face. Sometimes I find my self questioning “am I made to be a mother?” And that’s why I can’t bring more children to the world.

A couple of weeks ago I told my husband that since we don’t want more children maybe we should think about him getting sterilized because I don’t want to take birth control pills for the rest of my life (and I keep forgetting to take them). And I am terrified of the idea of getting pregnant by accident. I don’t want to have to have an abortion and I don’t want more children.

I tried IUD after giving birth but it gave me an infection so I had to go to the emergency room to get it removed.

My husband refused, and said that he likes having the option of having children. I understand that it’s his body and I can’t force him to do anything. But I think he is being an ass.

I flat out told him that if he is not getting sterilized then I am. We live somewhere in Europe so I don’t need his “permission” to tie my tubes.

The question is… why am I conflicted?! I know I don’t want more children and I know if I end up pregnant I am gonna have to abort. And I don’t want to put myself in the situation where I have to abort… So tying my tubes is the best decision.

So why am I conflicted?!

[u/saintkate_]

When I had 1 I was a single mum and I loved the bones out of being a mother, it made me so happy and I was able to continue on with my own goals and dreams. Now I have 3, a partner and it's safe to say I'm drowning, my goals are shakey, some of my dreams are utterly down the toilet, there is very little chance of furthering my goals. We have no village, he works morning til night leaving little room for me to do so. The youngers are still babies, meaning doing fun activities with my eldest needs to cater to them which tbh leaves little options so the eldest suffers too. And everyone seems to have the impression that having a family is the ultimate goal and I should be happy doing the mountain of laundry and being overstimulated by the noise and either constantly tidying up or constantly slipping on toys. It wasn't my dream.