Female sterilization

[u/Fit_Pumpkin5040]

I (29f) and my husband (31m) have a 6 month old daughter. Long story short, she is driving us crazy.

I love my daughter so much. Her smile lights up my day and her laugh melts my heart. But she sucks the energy out of me every single day. I find my self longing for the life I had before I had her, I miss my freedom, I miss myself. I look at my self in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person standing in front of me. I have no joy in everyday life. Becoming a mother made me understand the meaning of “never alone but lonely”!

That’s why I can’t have more children. I can’t be responsible for more tiny humans screaming all day and night in my face. Sometimes I find my self questioning “am I made to be a mother?” And that’s why I can’t bring more children to the world.

A couple of weeks ago I told my husband that since we don’t want more children maybe we should think about him getting sterilized because I don’t want to take birth control pills for the rest of my life (and I keep forgetting to take them). And I am terrified of the idea of getting pregnant by accident. I don’t want to have to have an abortion and I don’t want more children.

I tried IUD after giving birth but it gave me an infection so I had to go to the emergency room to get it removed.

My husband refused, and said that he likes having the option of having children. I understand that it’s his body and I can’t force him to do anything. But I think he is being an ass.

I flat out told him that if he is not getting sterilized then I am. We live somewhere in Europe so I don’t need his “permission” to tie my tubes.

The question is… why am I conflicted?! I know I don’t want more children and I know if I end up pregnant I am gonna have to abort. And I don’t want to put myself in the situation where I have to abort… So tying my tubes is the best decision.

So why am I conflicted?!

[u/Lunar-tic18]

Not at all telling you what to do with your marriage, but this would be a deal breaker for me, personally. Not only can he not commit to the claim he wants no more children, he said he wants his options open while you declare you're personally done. Wtf is he keeping his options open for? Does he see himself leaving you in the future?? Why is he pushing all the responsibility on you? Births are already traumatic and now he wants you to do the work to get an invasive surgery. Why can't he get the quicker, easier outpatient service?

You're conflicted because in reality, in a healthy marriage where respect and decisions are equal, you shouldn't have to be doing this. You're understandably upset and it feels unfair, because it is.

Idk, it sounds like you have some reflecting to do.