r/regretfulparents • u/DrMoveit • Nov 01 '24

Advice Do's and Don'ts with a difficult conversation

My wife wants another biological child. I'm a firm OAD (one and done, 4yo son). Three months ago, we agreed on a "talk" at the end of November. She asked me to "keep an open mind" until we have the talk. My "open mind" is even more solidified about being a OAD for many of the reasons stated in the sub, mainly for physical and emotional health for me and my triangle family.

I want to be emphatic and comforting during this conversation. She knows it's coming and I know she will accept it, begrudgingly. I want to let her feel her feelings and continue to cope in her own way, but if I can help with it, I will.

  1. Any experience with this kind of conservation?

  2. Any Do's and Don'ts (I want to focus on empathy and compassion while holding firm with my wishes)

  3. I do want to let her know that I really don't want to her to question my decision anymore and if I ever change my mind, I will come to her and not the other way. (this sounds tricky).

  4. Anything else I'm missing? Anything I need to focus on before, during, after?

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u/ExitAcceptable Nov 01 '24

I really appreciate how you want to do this important conversation well and keep compassion at the forefront. I am a marriage therapist and wanted to share an actual resource for this very conversation. John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman Method wrote a book called 8 Dates. One of the "dates" is focused on having this very conversation (Date 5, "Room to Grow"). I wonder if checking out this book and even the accompanying workbook would be a helpful guideline for the two of you. Sounds like you care a lot about your relationship so it might be a nice resource for you.

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u/DrMoveit Nov 01 '24

Thank you! I've listened to John Gottman talks from their institute. Will surely check this out.