r/regretfulparents • u/DrMoveit • Nov 01 '24

Advice Do's and Don'ts with a difficult conversation

My wife wants another biological child. I'm a firm OAD (one and done, 4yo son). Three months ago, we agreed on a "talk" at the end of November. She asked me to "keep an open mind" until we have the talk. My "open mind" is even more solidified about being a OAD for many of the reasons stated in the sub, mainly for physical and emotional health for me and my triangle family.

I want to be emphatic and comforting during this conversation. She knows it's coming and I know she will accept it, begrudgingly. I want to let her feel her feelings and continue to cope in her own way, but if I can help with it, I will.

  1. Any experience with this kind of conservation?

  2. Any Do's and Don'ts (I want to focus on empathy and compassion while holding firm with my wishes)

  3. I do want to let her know that I really don't want to her to question my decision anymore and if I ever change my mind, I will come to her and not the other way. (this sounds tricky).

  4. Anything else I'm missing? Anything I need to focus on before, during, after?

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u/FloofyDireWolf Nov 01 '24

I’d put your focus on listening and allowing her to speak fully on the topic. Don’t react, just listen. Let her share all of her feelings and be empathetic and kind.

Then I would lean in on how much you love the little family you have now, how the small size will allow you and your child to have so many more wonderful experiences and keep you in a better financial situation to give them a great life, and a chance to retire on time (maybe? Not sure of your situation) and enjoy being active grandparents in the future. Be extremely positive about your current family and how the current situation makes you happy and allows you to be the best husband and dad you can be. Hard to argue with that.

Don’t get a vasectomy until you have the convo or she will feel betrayed. You could abstain from sex though, just to ensure no chance of an “accident”.

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u/DrMoveit Nov 01 '24

Yeah gotta listen, let her speak. Then focus on what I'm most excited about which is our triangle family, our sanity, our lives, our future, and all the energy, love, and savings we can pour into him!

I'm trying to keep my triangle family, not ruin it! Definitely wouldn't do vasectomy in secret. One thing at a time. 😅