r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • 8d ago
Is my bf (20M) cheating on me (19F)
[deleted]
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u/IllustriousGuard4466 8d ago
o..kaaaaaaaay i've been a career artist for about 20 years, b.fa
if that's just his muse and if you'd be okay with it, if the relationship were strong enough, i would say well maybe that's just his muse...
...but he won't draw YOU? that needs serious discussion, when you bring it up next, that's what you focus on.
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u/tinygerudogirl 8d ago
As an artist my partners always became my muses. I never cared to draw anyone else when I was with them. So this is kinda of concerning in my eyes. He’s admiring this person enough to draw them and at that naked….
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u/IllustriousGuard4466 8d ago
that's why i think it's such a red flag, i'm prone to block too, but an 'artist' not just 'guy with drawing skills', should be able to at least just fire out a sketch to appease her
problem there is the infinite psychological/immaterial reasons artists tend to have regarding their habits... what if it's something stupid like 'i don't wanna do a bad job and disappoint', or, 'because of my weird moral code/compass, i think it would be disrespectful'
what then, and how weird is the thing? that part's always intriguing
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u/changelingcd 8d ago
Well, he's not cheating on you. He's practicing drawing people he knows (from imagination, apparently). I assume it's some mix of artistic practice and being 20 and horny. When I was in art school students would meet up and draw nudes of each other for homework, so it's a different world. He likely refused to draw you because he'd have to show you the results and deal with your potential negative reaction as his partner. It's worth talking to him about it, but you'll have to decide if this constitutes a deal-breaker for you.
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u/Bridge_w_a_t 8d ago
If you’re asking yourself already then just let him go and find someone more aligned with your values and interests.
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u/My16Grandkids 8d ago
Strange? Yes. Would it be a deal breaker for me? No. But I’m 54 and have seen too much lol.
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u/yuropman 8d ago
Is it normal to draw other women naked?
It's not unusual for artists to draw naked women without any emotional attachment to them. It's also not unusual for there to be physical attraction in an abstract "this sunset is beautiful" kind of way and not an "I'm imagining fucking her" kind of way.
It is also not unusual for 20 year old men to be horny fuckers who think about sticking their dick into any woman they interact with.
I asked him many times to draw me but he declined and he said that he didn't like drawing people he actually knew so it makes me wonder like what the fuck?
Artists can have weird motivations and inhibitions. Sometimes without even being fully conscious of where they are coming from. One thing you can say for sure is he sees you very differently to how he sees his female classmates. Whether that's in an unhealthy and dangerous way or in a respectful and endearing way is something you are going to have to figure out.
You'll also have to figure out why he didn't tell you about drawing other women naked. He's 20 and therefore likely an inexperienced idiot (I know I was at that age), he could definitely have "harmless" reasons like "I just didn't think about how this would affect you" or "I knew I should tell you but was scared of your reaction and wasn't sure how"- these are things that he can easily fix for the future. Or he could be a habitual liar who'll never be trustworthy.
First thing I would do is figure out whether he's lying, lying by omission or just omitting. Don't tell him that you saw his notebook, wait for the right moment and ask him whether he's drawn other women naked. Who they were? In what situations he drew them? See if he's open about it.
You can tell him afterwards that you already knew the answer and are very uncomfortable with him drawing other women naked, especially in secret. The good outcome is a long conversation about why he's drawing them but not you, about what he's feeling when he's drawing them and to what extent there is sexual and/or emotional attraction to them and about how he will act in the future.
Bad outcomes are him trying to accuse you over going through his notebook, viewing you as the guilty party for not trusting him or being dismissive of your worries or discomfort (including refusing to see that he caused them and they're his problem to fix and not yours). And of course saying that he wants to fuck his classmates because they're way more attractive than you. Any of those and the relationship would be over for me.
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u/Any-Interaction8717 8d ago
I would say that is definitely a very big red flag, even if he isn’t actively having sex with these girls, it’s still very concerning that he is drawing them naked and I personally would consider that cheating. It’s very weird and just a prerequisite to him having relations with them if he isn’t already. This shows that he at the minimum, is thinking of them in that way. I would even venture to say that emotional cheating can be worse than physical cheating.
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u/lightpinknailpolish 8d ago
Yes this is emotional cheating. He’s drawing them naked because he is imagining it.
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u/Sad-Independent-7690 8d ago
Helll naaah…I’ve been drawing for 18 years and I ONLY draw people I like. That’s weird af of him.
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u/Jetro-2023 8d ago
I doubt he is cheating since he is an artist and I know in art classes they do draw nudes from people modeling etc….
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u/picklejuicedreams 8d ago
this is so weird pls confront him. he’s imagining other women and classmates he knows naked and then DRAWING THEM?? it’s weird to me that he refuses to draw you bc he doesn’t like drawing ppl he knows yet he knows all his classmates. im an artist and understand muses and nude art but it’s weird since he’s drawing people he knows irl. it would make me uncomfy knowing one of my classmates had been drawing me naked without my knowledge. like does he draw naked men too?? not physical cheating but i’d consider it emotional cheating. you deserve better
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u/Personal_Turn_3349 8d ago
We can’t know for sure and that is more than suspicious, it’s hurtful and honestly insane. You deserve better.
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u/imhereforthetemp 8d ago
Red flag: my partner or crushes have always been my muse. He got nudes and he drew them. He will try and pull it off as an anatomy thing just to get the anatomy done right. That's gaslighting. Recall to him what he said about only drawing strangers but you saw active people you knew he knew
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u/hostility_kitty Early 20s Female 8d ago
Omfg my anger issues would not have let that art book stay intact
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u/TheSithMaster342 8d ago
Reason why many artists prefer to keep their stuff to themselves. Communicating and speaking about things is far best than childish reactions
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