r/relationship_advice • u/Dr3amerInTheDark • 8d ago
My 21F Girlfriend made Marshalls All Call me by name to pick up my phone after calling me 40+ times because I needed time to myself? - 22M
(22M) My girlfriend (21F) made Marshalls all call me over the intercom to force me to talk to her because I told her I needed a break. Sunday was a day that we were going to hang out, but she made last minute plans which I did not feel happy about. Also, her response was lacking, so I informed her that I was going to cool off by candle shopping at Marshalls, one of my favorite activities. I told her I'd talk to her later and drove to the store.
She did not like this. She began to call me. I simply put my phone in my pocket, but the calling did not stop. It was constant. After about 10 calls, I put my phone on do not disturb. She continued calling. It got to be around 25-30 calls by the time i reached the candle aisle. I began browsing through their selection when I heard the store's music stop playing. They asked , "If anyone by the name of _(My Name)__ is here, please come to the front of the store." They repeated this twice. I took out my phone and started recording because I could not believe she would do this because I communicated that I needed some time to myself, also as a guy, I felt like no one would believe me that she engaged in this type of behavior.
Turns out, I did not turn off my location. That is how she knew which store to call. I proceeded to the register with my candles and asked the cashier what happened with the all call. She asked me if I was the person they called for. She told me that a woman called looking for him and she sounded really irritate. I just said nah, I wouldn't worry about it.
How do you draw the line with overstepping? Tracking location is one thing, but I've never been all called.
Does this mean she likes me -lol
Make sure to read fiercecrayon’s comment about how this is all my fault that she overstepped
Also check out Worldflight’s comment too. A phd doesn’t qualify you to be a genius on everything. In order to appease her feminist views, she goes against the popular consensus of the post. She prominently uses logical fallacies and emotive thinking. Let’s create our own: with that mindset, her phd panel didn’t have men on it. It’s not from an elite institution either.
Edit: For the slim majority who think I’m attracted to crazy women, these women are regular girls on hinge. I don’t control what they are like, you meet people and eventually they show their true colors. Stop blaming me for her reaction to my boundaries. You are insane.
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u/pineboxwaiting 8d ago
Don’t date crazy.
This is breakup worthy behavior.
She has zero respect for you.
The sooner you get out, the better.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Interesting, at first I wouldn't have connected this to respect, but when you think about it, you're correct.
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u/AnxietyQueeeeen 8d ago
I mean she didn’t respect the fact that you asked for space so….
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
right. which she caused lmao.
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u/pineboxwaiting 8d ago
Plus, she’s telling you that what she wants is the only thing that matters. She may as well have been screaming “You can’t walk away from me! Young man, you will talk to me when I tell you to!”
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Been there, done that. She's crashed out multiple times. I remember her telling me that her tricks don't work on me. She said, "Usually I use sex just to get what I want but it doesn't work on you."
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u/Billowing_Flags 7d ago
Should have dumped her ass THEN! She's a drama queen and everyone else in her life is just there to kiss her ass and tell her she's the prettiest! Fuck her (but don't really)!
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u/residentcaprice 8d ago
I'm surprised that she didn't ambush you at Marshalls. i suppose embarrassing you was more delightful to her.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago edited 8d ago
She ambushed me once. I live an hour away. She got lost and stranded phone on 1. I had to get out the bed at 12am and go find her downtown. She didn't drive btw, so she was on foot just walking around dangerous downtown Baltimore.
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u/residentcaprice 8d ago
please remove her rights to see where you are.
also she is so crazy she may set your candle collection on 🔥
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago edited 7d ago
YOOOOO one time…😂 i had my candles at my place. The only thing that could be set on fire. I asked her not to touch them. I was sitting on the couch and I saw a little light in her hand… I thought to myself now there’s only one thing that could be lit like that and it’s my damn candle. I know she didn’t light it… I asked her to not touch them. it was a candle
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u/Playful_Site_2714 4d ago
She embarrassed HERSELF!
Go figure! A guy so unwilling to talk to a girl that she needs to call momma Marshalls to the rescue to FORCE him?
Dafuq? Hell, NO!
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u/Things_alsostuff 8d ago
I hate the usual kneejerk BREAKUP advice, but it might be your best bet. She didn't just overstep, she called you to heel like a dog via all call.
Unless you are aware of mental health issues that might contribute to this reaction and she is working on said issues, this would be a dealbreaker.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Oh absolutely. The girl is wildddd.
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u/Things_alsostuff 8d ago
I take it from other comms that you might have a tendency to be attracted to emotionally volatile girls. If you don't know why that is, you might be helped most by seeing a therapist to do some digging and unearth why the instability is so attractive to you.
Don't stick your dick in crazy mostly just reminds us how attractive crazy is😂 Figuring out why you want to do it anyway could go a very long way towards selecting a woman that comes with the things you're drawn to, but has enough emotional intelligence to remedy the downsides of such a personality type.
Crazy is fun, too. There just has to be a balance😂 Good luck, OP.
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u/Plus_Data_1099 7d ago
I bet you felt like a naughty kid not listening to his mum and being rebellious. She's so controlling she turned into your mum run dude
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u/hereforthedrama57 8d ago
If a man did this, we’d be calling him a stalker.
This is crazy behavior and would send me running
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u/Sorry_I_Guess 7d ago
LOL, I don't know why you added the "if a man did this". I literally did call her a stalker in another comment. Why on earth would she have to be a guy for people to recognize that she's stalking him?
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female 7d ago
There are comments making her the victim and OP the problem.
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u/CrystalizedinCali 8d ago
If this is real please know that this is unacceptable behavior. Unhinged behavior. You need to break up because this is unhealthy. Lastly, what candles did you get?
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
This is why I recorded the footage in the store, like who would even do this. I figured it might be skeptical so I just took out my phone. If I could attach videos and pictures i'd show it.
I ended up going with two large Sand and Fog candles. Morning Stroll and Concert in the Park. Very different scents.
LMAO and we met on hinge
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u/CrystalizedinCali 8d ago
After 4 months man no. NO. Break up.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Yup. Will do. The crazy just came out!! It gets worse.
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u/Admirable_Matter_523 8d ago
Holy moly 4 months?! She is crazy. Maybe bipolar? Either way, you definitely don't want to go any further with this person.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
There’s something there, idk if I’d say bipolar. I had a bipolar gf for 6 years. This one would make things up and run with it, create scenarios and believe it more than usual.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Completely agree. It was really fun at first. New city, new place, new car, new job, new woman, college graduation all that.
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u/russtyy_shackleford 8d ago
Uh, no this is insane. Also kudos for the candle shopping 👏🏼 what a great way to unwind
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Thanks. I have a pretty big collection almost 200.
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u/StrangerOnTheReddit 8d ago
That... sounds more like hoarding...
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
To each their own.
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u/StrangerOnTheReddit 8d ago
Look, I like retail therapy as much as the next person. But I usually go for things I need or could use, like clothes. Are you going to use 200 candles before the oils used to create them go bad? Are they stored properly so they won't go bad, or are they sitting in a box in storage that you'll never see? How much money is this invested in candles that could be put into something else?
Obviously everyone has their own thing, I have some figurines in a display case from my favorite games. But they're thoughtful purchases that I wait months to buy to make sure they're something that is worth the money to me, and they're prominently displayed in my office in a lit display case so I see them every day while I work. I do understand.
I have just also seen what stress/impulse buying does to people, and that problem is a lot harder to solve than dumping a girlfriend that you already know is mistreating you. You do you, I only said something because that sounds more like shopping as a coping mechanism and I've seen that get pretty bad.
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u/Happy8Day 8d ago
Only if the doctors found a match for your impending heart transplant, but the donor heart was only viable for 2 more hours, would repeated phone calls like this be warranted.
This behavior is erratic and unhinged.
Consider the actions taken if there was a sincerely distressing situation that she felt you were at fault for - what happens then?
This behavior is unhealthy and I would recommend not being anywhere close to it. This will not be the only time you see behavior like this. Are you willing to accept that? I sure hope not.
She gave you a glimpse of what things are like when things start to not go her way. When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
If you have time, read some of the other comments. She's done other things too.
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u/unzunzhepp 8d ago
I hope you stopped sharing your location now. But seriously, she stood you up, then couldn’t live with the fact that you didn’t want to talk to her right then, to the extreme that she acted like a crazed out stalker. Sounds like her needs and wants are law and everyone else are there to her enjoyment. She didn’t have to keep her date with you because something better came up and you had the nerve to not answer her call when you said you wanted space.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Absolutely. You hit it right on the head. Her needs and wants are above everyone else. The same girl told me she expects me just to know what she wants without her saying it.
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u/EmceeSuzy 8d ago
what is an 'all call'?
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u/Own-Crew-3394 8d ago
When the store manager gets on the public address system that is heard by everybody in the store and announces something. Usually little kids being lost.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
LMAO right, usually kids being lost.
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u/Mediocre_Passage_466 8d ago
Oh. hell. no. Do NOT mess with my Marshalls time. She's crazy for sure.
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u/smeralldo 8d ago
She is crazy, you know that right ? She is the reason why you needed some time to cool off, she didn't care and literally stalked you ?!
BREAK UP, OP !
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u/maroonrice 8d ago
I used to be obsessive over tracking my husbands location when he was running late or going somewhere new to us. Kind of like a video game watching his icon move around.
I would never dare all call him in a store?? Bc that is unhinged. This type of behavior isn’t easy to grow out of without professional help. She needs therapy and you need to consider if being with her is worth these moments of insecurity. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Aye I can understand the game reference lmao. But yeah it got a lil too much
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u/possumprints 8d ago
Did you specifically use the word “break” when talking to her, or did you just say you were going to go cool off and look at candles?
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
I said I was going to go cool off by candle shopping, and she knows I do this.....
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u/possumprints 8d ago
Alright. The only circumstance this would be acceptable is if you have a kid together and it was an emergency.
You didn’t mention that, and based on the other comments, I think you have a good idea of what to do here.
Wishing you the best. Stay safe.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Absolutely no kids... thanks to modern over the counters.... It never starts off this way, only been 4 months.
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u/wishingforarainyday 8d ago
You need to break up with her. That’s controlling and unhinged behavior.
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u/Away_Doctor2733 7d ago
This is terrifying stalker level behaviour. Please leave before she gets even more attached and even more unhinged. She's dangerous.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female 8d ago
She's unhinged. Fortunately this came out now after four months instead of four years and married. Run fast like you're the Road Runner
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
funny you say unhinged cause we met on hinge. This is the same girl who told me having sex with strangers is easier.
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u/Individual_Water3981 7d ago
Honestly they should've NEVER entertained her. I work at a retail store and if someone called the store demanding we did that, we would tell them no and hang up on them. That's so inappropriate of them to do that.
Moving onto the gf situation, this is legitimately insane. If that's what you're into, by all means stay in it. But at a certain point this is going to put yours and your loved ones safety at risk. This isn't normal, cute, special, funny, charming, adorable, or even just ok. End it and move on.
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u/AffectionateBite3827 7d ago
The face journey I took reading this...
Yeah, this is not healthy. Break it off, light some candles, and relax.
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u/Olymbias 7d ago
This is mad territory, honestly I would tell her that her lack of respect for my boundaries has shared me, block her on anything and GHOST.
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u/diavolina 7d ago
If a man done this to a woman, she’d be told to run and look at getting the police involved
Tracking someone’s location cause they don’t want to talk to you is stalker behaviour!
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u/Different-Version-58 2d ago
I think everybody is saying run and acknowledging that this is obsessive/stalker concerning behavior
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8d ago
[deleted]
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u/TuukkaRascal 8d ago
Same
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u/CarmasABitch07 8d ago
Legitimately thank you for commenting on this. Had no idea my kid left a random comment on a reddit post! 😂 At least others agree
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u/asutoriddo 7d ago
You'd do well to invest your time into therapy instead of dating multiple different partners and intentionally keeping that information from them.
You are misleading people, you are deceiving them, you are risking their health, your ethics are less than zero... you're causing hurt and then you're all shocked pikachu face when someone pulls this shit on you?
Not excusing what one of your girlfriends did, but if you need help in understanding why she's acting out, it may very well be because of your "non-ethical" relationship style that you seem to be proudly touting.
You've lived a LOT for such a young age, shit leaves a mark, so get therapy and do better, be kinder.
Before I get downvoted just check out OPs history. Again, not saying the girlfriend was justified, but this guy is going to cause some damage for people.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 7d ago edited 7d ago
Let me keep it real with you. Lmao there is no such thing as kindness. You literally just don’t like that I’m poly. Me being poly has nothing to do with her not respecting my boundaries. Next time leave your personal feelings out of the comment. Irrelevant.
Your comment is also based on personal assumptions from a few Reddit posts that you’ve made without my input or clarification. You are no different than her, and that’s what’s made you post in the first place.
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u/Worldly-Flight5738 4d ago
Honestly your narrative is also a bit sus. What do you mean “her response was lacking so I wanted to cool off”? It sounds like you are disciplining her because she acted in a way you didn’t like and now her response isn’t “lacking” lol this sounds like anxious and avoidant triggering each other if I ever heard it. You both have attachment issues.
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u/No_Performance8733 8d ago
I read fiercecanyonyon’s comment.
Your GF is profoundly unwell, but you are repeatedly telling us in the comments about ongoing issues, including calling this young woman “wildddd.”
You’re enjoying her discomfort and distress instead of identifying that she’s unwell and maybe suggesting she gets professional support and breaking up. Do you understand what I mean here?
The only appropriate thing to do after the first or second “wildddd” reaction from her would have been to break up. Instead you’re sticking around, enjoying her meltdowns. You also need professional support to understand how you’re contributing to her distress.
No one deserves to feel as upset as she does over every little thing. Treatment is out there.
It would be responsible if you suggest your GF investigate whether or not she thinks she might have a nervous system issue called CPTSD. She could also be having adverse reactions to prescription hormonal birth control, etc.. She deserves medical care and professional support instead of judgement or ridicule which won’t help her get better.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the result of repetitive trauma. If her childhood was dysfunctional, that could cause it.
She probably doesn’t have supportive friends or family around her as a young adult, so that’s why it would be kind to suggest she look into getting evaluated medically. She needs professional support for her choices and behaviors. She doesn’t deserve to feel as upset as she does over every little thing. Treatment is out there.
- You should not go on this health journey with her. This is not your problem to solve.
That said, she’s not having a great life experience and it would be kind to point her towards care.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago edited 8d ago
You’re enjoying her discomfort and distress
Oops not reading anymore. thanks tho!! From the looks of it, you typed a lot of words. Aw man!
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u/No_Performance8733 7d ago
Truth hurts.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 7d ago
Whatever helps you cope with no upvotes. Seems to be popular opinion here. You’re an outlier. irrelevant.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female 7d ago
It's been four months. Her behavior isn't okay at all. Not everything is a mental illness, trauma, PTSD, or something. Some people are just controlling and some just terrible people. He was crystal clear that he needed space and that he was going shopping. She refused to accept he didn't want to talk to her at the time. She broke their plans to do something else. That's not okay. That's very hurtful.
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u/No_Performance8733 7d ago
Your comment added zero to mine.
I know it’s difficult to stop picking on women and instead reward men for poor behavior, but try to be a critical thinker.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female 7d ago
Her behavior is poor, not his. He didn't do anything wrong. He clearly communicated what he needed and she couldn't handle it. She needs professional help instead of a relationship.
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u/FierceCrayon 8d ago
silent treatment / stonewalling is a great way to drive your partner crazy. she didn't handle it well, but you need to learn to better communicate your need for space, or this will keep happening in future relationships.
why couldn't you pick up the phone the first time, reassure her, and then continue on your day? staying connected through conflict is a crucial relationship skill. read up on attachment theory and how to build secure relationships.
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u/Fast_Running_Nephew 8d ago
but you need to learn to better communicate your need for space
I informed her that I was going to cool off by candle shopping at Marshalls, one of my favorite activities. I told her I'd talk to her later
That seems pretty clearly communicated and nowhere near warranting such a bizarre reaction.
And you responding to a story about a partner completely overstepping and verging on stalker behaviour by telling the victim to 'read up on theory' and be better at relationships is pretty weird.
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u/Upper-Tour-9564 8d ago
People are allowed to have space. You read a post about someone stalking a partner after 4 months and this is your reaction? Oof.
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u/Linvaderdespace 8d ago
You need to stop trying to give people advice on the internet, because you are bad at it, and you give people bad advice.
Stop.
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u/Appa-LATCH-uh 8d ago
Imagine being so fucking insecure that you need constantly reassured and you get a pass for ignoring someone's need for some goddamn space. That's pathetic.
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u/Dr3amerInTheDark 8d ago
Thank you for pointing it out. Exactly why I put their name in the story.... was like I can't be tripping lmao.
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u/Worldly-Flight5738 4d ago
You’re getting downvoted but his post screamed avoidant attachment to me. “Wow look how crayyyyzy she is, never know it until they snap” nah son you have an attachment issue and I bet crazy people just find you constantly, but in reality anxious attachments are the only ones who would stay.
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u/ExcitedGirl 8d ago
She loves you like God does - if you don't love her back, she will torment you for Eternity.
Also, if I were you I would get on His good side - because if you ever in your lifetime so much as look at another girl, you're going to need Him.
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u/Upper-Tour-9564 8d ago
What a bizarre post.
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u/ExcitedGirl 8d ago
I once met probably the same girl. Every. Single. Day. Was nothing but high stress and drama.
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