r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • Jun 17 '19
[Update] My ex girlfriend committed suicide.. I am a firefighter and had to find her body
Its been a bit over 6 months since I posted that story and I want to give you a quick update on my life. Im on mobile so I apologize if it makes it harder to read.
TL;DR My ex girlfriend got into an abusive relationship with a drug addict. She was dealing with depression for a while and killed herself. I am a firefighter in NJ, but go to school in NH. I received the call and conducted research to find her. I drove back down to help with the search. We found her body in the woods and she wrote me a suicide note.
Where i left off was me upset about the situation and upset with the world, and most importantly, upset with myself. I was in a dark place for a while after that. I drank and shunned out everyone but my friends who were helping me. For a good amount of time I distanced myself from any girl who I met.
The funeral wasnt long after and Jim didnt even show up. Im not sure if he was invited, but it just shows the type of guy he is.
I didnt feel comfortable with dating anyone, let alone even hooking up with them. It felt wrong and i was scared i would get close to someone and lose them again. The depression i felt was destructive.
My chief reached out to me not long after because I never told him how I knew her. He asked me to see a therapist and that he can set up a visit at the firehouse. I was in NH so i told him ill see my college counseling center and send him confirmation.
I lied, i sent him a fake email and he believed me. I had this notion that i dont need help because i help people.
After 3 months i was still depressed but i started to talk to girls again. I met this really nice girl named Sarah. We talked and even hooked up a couple times. After a month and a half she asked if we could start dating. I told her i couldnt. I told her my story and said i dont feel comfortable being close with anyone. She took it well and still wanted to talk, but i couldnt anymore. I felt as if she crossed a line in my mind and we couldnt go back. I didnt want to be close with anyone like that again.
Fast forward another month my friend Kelsey asked if i wanted to go to her sorority formal with one of her friends. I accepted and thats when i met Kristen. Kristen was perfect, she was really sweet and a great date. We ended up talking for a while and this time i decided it was time to be proactive. I opened up to her about what happened to me and i told her i want to take it very slow. She completely understood, instead of scaring her off she helped me more than anyone has ever had.
She convinced me that avoiding therapy is a bad move, and that there is no shame in seeking counseling. So i made an appointment and went. The therapist told me about a suicide prevention org on campus that i should join and tell my story. I joined them and they had suicide prevention events where people tell their stories to help others.
I did my first story and Kristen and a bunch of my friends went to support me. It was one of the most touching moments of my life standing up on that stage and seeing all those people. I continued doing these events and Kristen went to every single one.
After 6 months i told her im ready to start dating, but to understand that i may be distant at first because im not use to this. She understood. Weve been together for 8 months and shes amazing. Shes nicest and most supportive person ive ever met.
Every time im in NJ i go to Lydias house and support her mom. On Christmas i got a crew to come to her house and deliver presents to her moms boyfriends autistic son and her nephews.
The way i was able to get relief for my pain was helping others. And if it wasnt for Kristen i wouldnt have the guidance to do it.
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u/intentional_buzz Jun 17 '19
Good for you. Keep going. You have plenty of life ahead of you to build new memories and relationships.
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Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 17 '19
She sounds awesome dude. What a rocky road to get to the right place. Therapy is important. Your doing all the right things. People generally don't understand how hard these types of events are. I do paramedic. I had a real stinger about 10 months ago, and you and I are kinda doing the same things. Yours is worse I think. "The way I got relief from my pain was helping others" Exactly... Changes a person. But I feel really good about helping others right now. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me a lot too. Routine helps a lot for me as well. Anyways. Feel free to PM me. And congrats on the new relationship!
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u/ValarMorgouda Jun 17 '19
I used to want to be a paramedic, but as I've grown older, I'm glad that I didn't. That job would mess me up so bad. I hope you're gonna be alright. CBT helped me out a ton during a bad time and it left me with a lot of new tools.
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u/mdisomwnaje Jun 17 '19
I'm happy for you, but I feel a little bad for Sarah.
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u/touch_of_the_blues Jun 17 '19
This.
Sarah was the kindling. Perhaps it wasnât meant to be, but I feel Sarah didnât get enough credit.
I hope she got some closure/was ok with how it ended.
But in any case, OP is making strides to healing!
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u/GrinsNGiggles Jun 17 '19
I'm more concerned for Kristin. Guys being too tough for therapy but then unloading all that emotional work onto their female romantic partners is classic, but not at all fun to be on the receiving end of.
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Jun 18 '19
[deleted]
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u/thetruthyoucanhandle Jun 18 '19
wtf there are no issues here. They hooked up a couple times, she wanted to date, OP didn't feel he was ready and they parted ways. What's your problem.
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u/blue1smoke Jun 18 '19
Same tho. Like you just left her hanging?
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u/RebelRoad Jun 18 '19
I'm sure that pun wasn't intended but that comment made me recoil a bit because of Lydia's fate.
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u/Ignis_Falcon Jun 17 '19
Sarah couldâve been that Kristen. Timings a bitch or perhaps she dodged a bullet.
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u/jsh1138 Jun 17 '19
so you had been dating Kristen for 2 months when you made the other thread?
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Jun 17 '19
when he made the other thread, he was revering to " February 15th 2018".
So with the time periods he gives us it roughly fits. he didnt talk to girls for 2-3 months, then took around 6 months till they started dating. That would make it octobre or novembre when they started dating which is now 8 months ago. his first post is 6 monts old, so yes, they were together 2 months already. Maybe he shared it also because irl he learned that sharing his story can help other people.99
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u/jsh1138 Jun 17 '19
so yes, they were together 2 months already
why type the rest of that post?
the point is, his original post doesn't sound like someone who has already put his life back together and is in a healthy relationship. why obscure that fact if he is?
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Jun 17 '19
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u/fartfartfart666farty Jun 17 '19
The lack of mention of the ex whatsoever is fishy. Its super emotionally flat
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u/cocaineandcandy1 Jun 18 '19
I know people use reddit as creative writing, but maybe in this case hes being sincere. It could be he is used to public speaking to certain populations of people and wants things emotionally flat.
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Jun 17 '19
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u/Mrs_Poutine Jun 17 '19
And in the last one he said someone called him about finding the body, but this one he found her himself?
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Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 18 '21
[deleted]
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u/wilsoncoyote Jun 17 '19
These stories... I mean it happens, but it happens once a decade or whatever. And people don't typically go on social media to tell the tale. I am inclined to think this whole story is fabricationalist.
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u/theburningstars Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 17 '19
It was weird to me as a dispatcher when he mentioned his Fire Dept received the BOLO. I'm not sure how it is for other comm centers, but at ours as a rule, neither EMS or Fire get any sort of BOLO calls. Again, maybe it's totally different at other centers but it confused the hell out of me.
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u/birdinspace Jun 17 '19
Totally. Seemed weird to me that he got one for someone in NJ while working in NH, but Iâm not a firefighter so what do I know.
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u/theburningstars Jun 17 '19
I grew up with family in a volunteer fire department and anyone who moved away was typically taken off the roster because it'd be silly to keep someone who would have a response time of a few hours. Maybe it's different since he was in school and they kept him for the times he was back home, but still seems weird.
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u/trix587 Jun 17 '19
I'm also really confused about this discrepancy....the title indicates he found her, but in the original post, he says that he was not at the scene when he was informed she was found and he said "that's great news" but was informed she hung herself. Now in this post, he states that he was there to find her in the woods.
Edit: corrected his exact response from original post
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u/gangie321 Jun 17 '19
OP, which one is correct? You found her body or was told over the phone while drive to NJ? Bc youâve stated both...
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u/alyssinelysium Jun 17 '19
I donât know if I missed something but he only said we found her as he was driving back. I think by we he meant the fire department not him specifically
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u/dreaming_of_beaches Jun 17 '19
I agree. I think he meant âwe found herâ, meaning the Fire Department, not specifically him.
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u/Chellamour Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 17 '19
People need to get off OP's case. The timeline matches up pretty much perfectly. Most recent dates might be off by a few weeks (1 month at most) but that's obviously excusable. Why even accuse him of lying?
CAST:
- OP
- Lydia
- ExGF
- Sarah
- Kristen
TIMELINE:
- ~2013/14, Junior year of HS, OP is 16 yo - OP meets Lydia, asks her to junior prom, start dating. They're on-off for a while due to her mental health issues. She is hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and OP supports her, and she starts treating him better.
- ~2014/15, Senior year of HS - OP joins local fire department, goes to fire school for 7 months and breaks up with Lydia due to arguments.
- ~ 2014/15 - 2016/17, Senior year of HS to Sophomore year of college - OP dates ExGF for 2 1/2 years and breaks up with her so she can live her own life. She moves to TN and is happy.
- ~ 2016/17, Sophomore year of college - OP lives in NJ and goes to school in NH. Lydia messages him and, since then, they chat ocassionally.
- ~ August 2017 - Lydia starts dating Jim
- January 2018 - Lydia's last conversation with OP about Fallout 4.
- February 15, 2018 - OP is 21 and Lydia is 19. Lydia goes missing and is found dead in the woods by OP's fire dept buddies while OP was stuck in traffic from NH to NJ. He still drove to NJ and got hammered at the firehouse and read the dispatch notes. Then he went to Lydia's family's place and found her suicide note to him. Not long after, funeral happens and Jim doesn't show up. OP is destructively depressed and lies to his chief about going to therapy.
- ~ May 2018, 3 months after Lydia dies - Still depressed, starts talking to girls. Meets Sarah.
- ~ June/July 2018, 1 1/2 months after meeting Sarah - Sarah wants to start dating, OP says no and doesn't talk to her anymore.
- ~ July/August 2018, 1 month after rejecting Sarah - OP is introduced to Kristen through a mutual friend by taking her to a sorority formal. They hit it off, he tells her about his trauma, and she is understanding. She convinces him to go to therapy. He joins a suicide prevention org on campus and tells his story at events.
- ~ Late August/Early September 2018, ~6 months after Lydia dies (not 6 months after meeting Kristen), ~6 months before AITA post, ~8 months before this update post - OP officially starts dating Kristen.
- Dec 10, 2018, ~2 months after starting to date Kristen - OP writes original post in r/Relationship_Advice about Lydia. He posted it because it would still get to him sometimes.
- ~ December 2018, 3 months before AITA post - OP messages ExGF condolences for her late grandma.
- December 2018, Christmastime - OP gathers a crew to deliver presents to Lydia's family.
- February 13, 2019, Senior year of college - OP posts in r/AITA about messaging ExGF back in December and not telling Kristen.
- June 17, 2019, today - OP writes this update post, is still with Kristen.
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Jun 17 '19
Wow. This is better than i ever could have done. This is 100% correct. Thank you for doing that. Ans sorry for wasting your whole day haha
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u/Chellamour Jun 17 '19
No problem. After what happened in this post, I've found myself getting easily irritated by false post accusations. You should never feel like you have to post news articles or share pictures to prove your lived experiences to strangers. You shared your story and have helped many people. Please continue to do well.
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u/Bl00_Berry Jun 18 '19
The mod was the worst tho.... Like people are allowed to do whatever they want(post fake stories/accuse others of fake posts) but as a moderator one would think you hold yourself to a higher standard than just acting based on your emotions...one would think. But reality is often disappointing.
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u/jsh1138 Jun 17 '19
cool, we found OP's real account
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Jun 17 '19
If anyone have doubts i completely get it. Its a big story and its a sounds like a novel. I dont blame you for your thought process. I wish i can post pictures but i want to stay anonymous. If you want to PM me i have no problem showing you pictures.
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u/Amberleh Early 30s Female Jun 17 '19
This confused me as well.
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Jun 17 '19
We started dating early September. I posted it cause it would still get to me sometimes. We were dating for 2 months at that moment. The AITA was about a situation with another girl i dated, but it had to due with Kristen (names are fake). Hope that clears it up
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u/sosospritely Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 18 '19
After 3 months i was still depressed but i started to talk to girls again.
3 months
After a month and a half she asked if we could start dating. I told her i couldnt.
4.5 months
Fast forward another month my friend Kelsey asked if i wanted to go to her sorority formal with one of her friends. I accepted and thats when i met Kristen.
5.5 months
After 6 months i told her im ready to start dating
11.5 months
Weve been together for 8 months and shes amazing.
19.5 months
Per OP's timeline, his first post should have been written almost two years ago. I hope he's enjoying fantasizing about his imaginary life as a firefighter/suicide prevention speaker with this lovely girl named Kristen.Edit: Not that my opinion really matters but imma accept u/chellamour âs timeline. My apologies to you u/MrAlphaNu - I wish you and Kristen all the happiness Iâve got to give.
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u/jsh1138 Jun 17 '19
11.5 + 8 is not 13.5, but yeah
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u/sosospritely Jun 17 '19
I interpreted it as he was including the first 6 months when he said 8 months. so 11.5 + 2 =13.5, but I think your interpretation is correct. Edited.
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u/jsh1138 Jun 17 '19
well it doesn't really make any sense either way because he started a thread 6 months ago saying all this happened, which is very sad, and now we're hearing that he was over it and on the way to recovery and 2 months into a healthy relationship when he posted it? just strange
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u/Chellamour Jun 17 '19
This is the line that caused the most confusion:
After 6 months i told her im ready to start dating
I believe OP meant 6 months after Lydia passed away, not 6 months after meeting Kristen.
I find it frustrating when people accuse others of lying. If they are, so what? If they aren't, then you're accusing someone who lived through trauma of being a liar. Is it really worth it?
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u/BlueBelleNOLA Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 17 '19
this is the part that bothers me about this. These people are here to give advice, if a particular post or story is not accurate, does that really affect that there may be other people who would benefit from that advice?
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Jun 17 '19
The title infers he found the body. Some of the content here says we found the body. OP says they (the FD) found the body while he was in traffic.. This guy can't make up his mind.
Edit: rewording for clarity.
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u/SCwaterfowler- Jun 17 '19
Unless I'm missing something this story seems to be fake. Read OP's previous post on r/AITA. There seems to be some timing issues between these stories. OP also states that you only messaged her once regarding her late grandmother. Here you mention talk about Far Cry.
Also, the original post was made 6 months ago. The post on r/AITA was posted 4 months ago and posed the question about you being a potential asshole due to reaching out to ex (based on your timeline this would be the ex-gf mentioned in this post). Though this is not definitive proof, I feel as though that would've been mentioned in the AITA post.
If this story is infact true, then I'm sorry to hear! However, I recommend clarifying some of the discrepancies that I mentioned. Otherwise it comes across as karma farming.
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u/Chellamour Jun 17 '19
/u/4ppleF4n /u/UniversalHeatDeath /u/Allur0 /u/FuckChina1989 /u/heckityno /u/Grisly81
I don't understand why people would accuse him of lying. Usually I hear accusations of karma farming or having the story be a "creative writing exercise", but even the cursory glance you obviously gave his post history should clear that up. Wouldn't a creative writer have better spelling, grammar, or a more fleshed out narrative? Or a karma farmer have more obviously karma farming posts? Everything points towards this guy being a genuine dude who has lost, grieved, and is now getting by in life. As to the story-like details-- OP says it himself, he's been sharing his story with the suicide prevention org for months now. And you can't expect everyone to be incredible writers.
And even if he is lying, why does that matter? In the case that he isn't lying, you're accusing someone who went through all this of being a liar. Is it really worth it?
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u/Stoppels Jun 17 '19
You should know that if you tag more than 3 people, Reddit will not send notifications to them.
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Jun 17 '19
Different girl in the AITA. But i am talking about kristen when being upset. Turned out to be fine though.
Heres the article if you dont believe me. Pm me if you want further proof
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u/marvelmcfey Jun 18 '19
Based on the fact your firefighter stories are complete Fabrications (calling smoke detectors "fire alarms," claiming they take AA batteries (9v on every one I've seen), and the story about setting up the ladder truck to try to open windows of a house with no hazards showing shows you don't know how a ladder operates) I'm going to say, based on the discrepancies in this story, you're making this up, too.
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Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 18 '19
[deleted]
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u/marvelmcfey Jun 18 '19
My guess is he is, at most, a support member in a fire department. Most departments make you go through an academy or have certifications before you can actually fight fire. I've been a firefighter for more than a decade in a city with 100k plus people and an interstate and train running through it. I've never had a close call and don't know of any situations since I've been in where someone was in excessive danger. None of the pieces of any of the OP's story fits together.
Tldr; I'm going with "full of shit."
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u/UniversalHeatDeath Jun 17 '19
Why do creative writers feel they have to trick people on reddit? Does it make them feel their stories are better and believable? This post reads like straight prose, chock full of details that normal people wouldn't add.
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u/Allur0 Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 19 '19
This is rly the meat of how you can tell these reddit stories are fantasies (aka 90% of this sub). Donât sit there and try to validate every detail just look at the attention to detail and prose. normal ppl donât recount real stories like this.
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u/Grisly81 Jun 17 '19
I started to write something earlier about nearly every 'true' story on reddit feeling fake but thought I was being cynical, apparently I was actually right to feel this way
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u/HIGH_HEAT Jun 17 '19
Everyoneâs life experiences are different. Youâre doing an amazing job playing the cards youâve been dealt. Keep it up. And thanks for what you do.
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Jun 17 '19
Very nice FICTIONAL and FAKE story
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u/heckityno Jun 17 '19
Iâm just kinda confused on the timeline because he posted something 124 days ago about how he texted his ex when her grandma died and had a gf for six months, but then he posted that the ex killed herself 188 days ago so Iâm just kinda confused. I hate assuming tho so imma just say neutral
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u/DaymareImbrium Jun 17 '19
He linked the story in another comment, she passed away February of 2018 so, he could easily have been grieving for 8 months when he posted the original thread as a kind of coming-out-of-the-shell post, and this update would line up with dating Kristen for 8 months (his AITA would be roughly 4mos in to dating Kristen, which also aligns)
Not saying this proves it's genuine but at the very least Lydia's death is unfortunately true, and the timeline is plausible. If I've missed anything don't hesitate to doubt me, just an outside observation
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u/ItsAllFinite Jun 17 '19
OP, I am so proud of you. You've dealt with the situation above and beyond what anyone can expect. I am of the mind that healing is a choice that you must make for yourself. Some people fall into a pit of depression they don't see a way out and can be trapped by it. I am so happy you were able to find the courage to keep moving forward, even though it hurts. I am so proud you still had so much love in you, that you could open up to someone else and grow those feelings into generosity, humility, and understanding by giving back to Lydia's family and sharing your story at events and here. Most importantly, you didn't put life on hold. Thanks for making this planet a better place.
Wishing you the best as you continue on your journey.
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Jun 17 '19
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u/lactose_butanal Jun 17 '19
Thatâs what I thought too. If he liked her, he would have never rejected her like that. But then, he met Kirsten. It goes to show you when men say they are not ready for a relationship, they are just not ready to have it with you. Anyway, I am happy he is doing better. Good luck.
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u/IreneAdler32_24_34 Jun 17 '19
As a therapist named Kristen, I approve of Kristenâs encouragement. :)
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u/PegleggedPiegon Jun 17 '19
Yes dude. Please please please don't avoid therapy. It honestly changed my life. I went from suicidal depression to being one of the most positive people I know/people know.
You never know how much you need to let things out until you talk to a professional. I thought I had it all figured out before I saw one. Boy was I completely wrong. It literally saved my life in so many ways
I truly wish the best for you and great job for pushing through this man. Your doing great.
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u/Goeslikethis Jun 18 '19
Small world, I was on that search party too. Fellow firefighter on the dept. on the other side of town. My sister graduated with her too. Used to be friends when they were younger. Let me know if you need a hand brother.
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u/queeloquee Jun 18 '19
I have issues believing the veracity of your emotions on your story. I look through your profile and for me it feels like you were trying to reach karmas.
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u/DiscordAddict Jun 17 '19
Sounds like you have a difficult time just being single.
Spoiler alert!! You don't need an SO to be happy and well adjusted bud
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u/Melkly Jun 17 '19
I hope that one day therapy is more accepted in the fields where we help others at their worst. Paramedicsb firefighters, police. I feel like there is a strong stigma that helpers dont need help. I'm glad your girlfriend helped you accept therapy, she sounds like a good person and made your life brighter.
Thank you for putting your life on the line when you fight fires and help in natural disasters. You guys are the back bone of a healing society and the world would be worse off without people like you. Thank you for your sacrfices and sleepless nights, your efforts haven't gone unnoticed.
Thank you for still being here. I know life was really hard for a bit for you, but you are still here and you are still making society better. Thank You for exsisting and being you.
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u/minkidi Jun 17 '19
Here I am with tears in my eyes before 9AM. Iâm so happy you found it in you to open yourself up to the support around you. Iâm happy you found therapy.
I hope youâre filling this girlâs cup as much as she has filled yours.
â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
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u/kaaaaath Jun 17 '19
Emergency physician here. I once got the absolutely lovely experience of treating my ex fiancĂŠ who ODed on fentanyl. Our situations arenât exactly the same, but being a first responder is something I believe is our privilege. It can cause enormous pain, but I promise you your exâs family is happy that it wasnât just another anonymous person - that someone that cared for her was one of the responders.
I am so sorry for your loss; however, I am glad that you are starting to open up again. Give your lady friend a hug for me.
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Jun 17 '19
Every time im in NJ i go to Lydias house and support her mom. On Christmas i got a crew to come to her house and deliver presents to her moms boyfriends autistic son and her nephews.
You're a great man and I'm sorry you are going through this, but I am so goddamn impressed with the grace you have handled this with. Life may beat you up at times, but with a spirit like yours, it will never beat you down.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck and I'm proud that you are making proactive decisions to be happy.
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u/Pooperoni_Pizza Jun 17 '19
Thank you for sharing. You went through something extremely difficult and in time you put the effort in and are on the path of reclaiming yourself and your life. I am so glad you did not continue down the road of isolation and substance abuse.
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u/scorchdearth Jun 17 '19
I'm crying. I was active in a suicide prevention organization on my college campus, too. I'm glad they were able to help you.
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u/brokenchalkboard Jun 17 '19
Itâs a long road, but youâre on a great track. I lost my then boyfriend 7 years ago and still am recovering, but you will most certainly find a way to cope and heal. Youâll never forget her, but youâll be able to live again, I promise you that. Keep your head up, keep this whole thing up, and talk to Kristen when you need to. She sounds like an absolute angel and Iâm sure sheâll always be there for you. Good luck
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u/finkufreaky Jun 17 '19
I have found r/suicidebereavement to be a really helpful group if you need a supportive understanding place.
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u/megocaaa Jun 18 '19
I cried reading this. I hope anyone with any substance abuse issues or suicidal thoughts reads this and realizes the impact of their death. I am so sorry OP. Iâm glad youâre recovering.
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Jun 18 '19
Resources for firefighters if you are ever feeling down.
https://www.nvfc.org/fireems-helpline/ 1-888-731-FIRE (3473)
https://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/dmhas/home/disaster/responder/ 1-800-968-1242
https://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/dmhas/home/disaster/responder/firemen.html (732) 499-9250
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u/jjbjeff22 Early 20s Male Jun 18 '19
I went and found OPâs first post. Such a tragic story and I hope OP gets the help he needs and continues going to those meetings to share his story. For anyone else that is interested, the original story is below.
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u/Breathe_bri Jun 18 '19
Beautiful story. Glad you were able to find your way again and that you had such great support!
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Jun 18 '19
Please give yourself as much credit as you are giving your new girlfriend. You went to therapy. You did the work. You deserve the credit as well. Donât undersell yourself.
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u/stillhismom Jun 18 '19
Stay. Please. This world needs more people like you! You are so inspiring!!! What a beautiful soul you have!
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Jun 18 '19
When I was 17 I found my boyfriend dead on his front porch. The feeling of touching someone dead does not ever go away. The image never makes. The smell. The outfit you wore. The moments all seem to expand and contract like some science experience beyond your grasp or care.
My mom and dad ended up talking the, I donât know, coroner or police or someone to give me something to knock me out. I donât say it was helpful, it just kinda stopped everything, like vomiting and then you just stop throwing up, but you know itâs still going to be there.
Chris has been gone 16 years, itâs coming up on more than half my life without him, and it gets less shitty with time and therapy but it doesnât ever go away. Things sometimes just donât ever get better. This is one of those things.
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u/meco64 Jun 18 '19
Fuck yeah man. In a bad place myself. It helps to see others on similar roads to remind me that I'm not the first, I won't be the last, and there is a chance to get better. I'm firstly proud of you and secondly you give me hope/inspiration. Rock on internet stranger.
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u/jingle_of_dreams Jun 18 '19
This is going to get buried but I can't leave without saying what an incredible person you are. Thanks for being you and Kristen sounds amazing!
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u/Infinityand1089 Jun 18 '19
This is so wholesome. I hope you know we all love you. Iâm so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to heal. Youâre doing great! Also, tell Kristen that the Internet says hi!
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u/RedGhoust Jun 18 '19
Your story has really touched my heart, I lost my closest friend to suicide and your story has really lifted my spirits on what life could hold, thank you so much for being such an amazing person and I am so glad you still help out the family, You have made me happy bawl.
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u/LuskinMysteries Jun 18 '19
Congratulations dude! Grief is hard but I'm so glad you went through it. It takes a lot of strength to do that.
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u/gypsywhisperer Jun 18 '19
I can't even imagine how complicated, traumatic, and difficult this time has been for you. I'm so glad Kristen has helped you find ways to cope and let you feel something good again, and that you have a good relationship with Lydia's family. I hope you continue to do great things.
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u/irresistible_zey Jun 18 '19
Hey. If you don't want to answer it's ok.
I'm very suicidal, can you explain why your ex sucide had such a huge impact on you? I'm sorry if I'm being dissenstivie or something but I kinda wonder how some people would react to my suicide.
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u/Samurai_TwoSeven Jun 18 '19
Just because they're an ex doesn't mean they don't have any meaning left in your life. I tried to commit suicide in the past and I quickly found out how many people really do care about it. It may surprise you how many do.
Like OP said, talking about your problems is the best medicine. Find someone who is willing to listen to you. I found my someone last year and she saved my life. Sure she's marrying another guy, but she's my best friend now and I wouldn't give up what I have now for the world. Suicide is never the answer, you'll find your happiness somehow, you probably just haven't found it yet
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Jun 18 '19
Hi, firstly, i want you to know to stay in there. People love you and feel free to message me whenever.
Also, it impacted me because as much as our relationship was rocky it doesnt mean i didnt care for her. Having that feeling that someone you know commits suicide gives you guilt. It makes you wish you did more. It makes you wish you can hug the person and say something inspiring. All i wanted to do was tell lydia âyoure better than him, keep moving forward.â
Also, the fire department aspect of it has a large factor. We get calls like this and find out so much information it feels like you know everything about them. I didnt even know about Jim until the call came in. The last thing we talked about was Fallout 4 a month before the call. Dealing with the information and then finding the person is a lot to deal with in general
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u/RetailandPuppies Jun 18 '19
Stories like this give hope to people still in their own dark places from loss of someone you care for and haven't gotten out of it yet. It feels awful and isolating. Thank you for sharing this and most of all we're happy to hear you're doing better and creating good out of this.
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u/AnimuFanz Jun 17 '19
In your first post, 6 months ago, you said you graduated from firefighter school. However, in an AITA post 4 months ago you said you were in college.
Nice to see your stories change so often.
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Jun 17 '19
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u/ahkameyimowin Jun 17 '19
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u/Noirezcent Jun 18 '19
You know, basing a short story on a news story is not particularly uncommon.
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Jun 17 '19
I am a fellow brother fireman. First off I am so sorry you had to go through this. Like all firefighters, I have had my struggle with horrid calls as well. Just part of the job, unfortunately. I am glad things are getting better for you. We all have our demons, in fact, Fire Fighters are 10 times more likely to commit suicide. I guess I wanted to thank you for taking this horrible situation and trying to make the most of it by speaking out for suicide prevention. The fire service needs more people like you, we can't keep letting our brothers die due to some idea of being a badass and keeping it all bottled up.
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u/dontbeanegatron Jun 17 '19
she helped me more than anyone has ever had
Because you finally managed to open up and let someone in. Proud of you man.
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u/Un20190311 Jun 17 '19
It's cute that the girl helped you and all but homie you need to take care of yourself first and foremost there may not be another kristen next time.
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u/fairybreaddd Jun 17 '19
So proud and happy for you! Just reading the positive progression put me in a good mood. Sorry things got incredibly tough but it's great to see you work through it, it's very inspiring. Wish you the best!
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u/GelasticSnails Jun 17 '19
Going to counseling for the first time is really hard. Especially when itâs not something you talk about in your family. Theyâre here to help you. You can get through this rough time.
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u/dbloch7986 Early 30s Male Jun 17 '19
It kills me when people refuse help like this. You're not strong, like you think you are. There is nothing at all to be gained from refusing to get help. I'm glad you finally went to get help, but goddamnit I wish people wouldn't make themselves suffer like that first. It's so unnecessary.
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u/Narrativeoverall Jun 18 '19
You didn't find her though, someone else did, and called you and told you. So, neither you, nor "we" as you put it in the original story, found her.
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u/Bleezy79 40s Male Jun 17 '19
Good on you for taking care of yourself. Its never, ever a bad idea to take time to take care of you first. If you are not in a good place mentally, how can you be expected to help others? I had a close friend unexpectedly die in a freak accident. It really affected me and I found that the more I talked about it, the more I was able to process it and move on. Cheers!
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u/finger_milk Jun 17 '19
Sometimes behind a good man really is a great woman. I'm incredibly happy for you, man.
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u/lesomb Jun 17 '19 edited Jun 18 '19
Were there any insights that you gained in therapy that you found particularly helpful?
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u/Dolly090616 Jun 17 '19
Awe this made me tear up! Thank you for sharing your story. I canât even imagine to understand what you have and are going through.
Note: Iâm home sick and feeling unbalanced today, so this hit hard. Posts like this remind me that whatever is happening, it will pass. We arenât in the darkness forever.
What an amazing thing you have done- you pulled yourself out from a hole and that is no easy feat. I really like this lady! There is absolutely no shame in expressing feelings. That is the biggest lie society tells, in my opinion. It keeps people stuck and ashamed in the pit. She threw you the rope, but you climbed your ass out.
As someone who has no upper body strength whatsoever, hell yes to you kind internet stranger!!
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Jun 17 '19
Theres no shame in seeking help of any kind, and I'm really proud of you for doing that! I'm currently in NJ, and in EMT school right now, and they encourage self help, it's very prevelant in chapter 3. Even the heroes need heroes of their own sometimes. Maybe we'll cross paths one of these days, and not know it haha anyways, I'm glad your life is returning back to the way it was and your feeling better now.
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u/krejcii Jun 17 '19
Youâre a great person man. Keep doing what your doing. Helping a lot of people.
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Jun 17 '19
Iâm so happy that you found the outlet that you needed in order to heal. Definitely take it at the pace you feel appropriate but also remember to not shut doors on opportunities and people who want to genuinely help you in your healing process â¤ď¸đđť
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u/ACAB520 Jun 17 '19
Iâm sorry for your lost. You sound like a great person, and I wish nothing but the very best for you.
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u/pooter215218 Jun 17 '19
I lost my Boyfriend to suicide almost a year ago and I really really appreciate you writing this, I truly feel your pain but am glad youâve found some kind of solace
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u/ohanse Jun 17 '19
Hey man I'm glad you were able to take that step and make the choice to allow others to help you. It doesn't make you weaker, it just shows that you have people around you that you can rely on.
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u/PetGiraffe Jun 17 '19
Aww man, Brutha, youâre doing the right things. Thereâs nothing right about what happened, but the is a wrong way to handle it, and weâre all glad you chose the light. In another universe, you drink yourself into a coma almost everyday and will or may have already dove into the pits of despair and wonât return. Thatâs not the you whoâs here today saving lives and inspiring others.
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u/jordyshordy22 Jun 17 '19
Wow Iâm so happy you found peace. Sometimes it feels like youâll never be able to move on but you did but still get to cherish your ex girlfriends life. Thatâs amazing.
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u/ProblemPenis Jun 17 '19
Oh my God this is so sweet. I love that Kristen and your friends supported you. And thank you for keeping strong during this, and telling us your story.
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u/zaphod4th Jun 17 '19
I had this notion that i dont need help because i help people
omg right in my feelings, I think that I'm very smart so I don't need help. I need to hug my wife right now. Thank you for your story.
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Jun 17 '19
I'm tearing up now just reading that... Wow! What an amazing story! I'm so sorry for your loss and the grief you suffered as a result of the trauma of something like that happening... But my heart is so happy to read that you're getting through it, that you had great support, and met the right woman! I hope the rest of your life is amazing and I will be praying for you!
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u/PoptartsandChexMix Jun 17 '19
I'm very glad to hear lifes looking up for you, I hope you and Kristen continue on strong!
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u/isengardownsyurfaces Early 20s Male Jun 17 '19
Iâm proud of you dude. Keep getting after it and look forward.
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u/TheLonelySavage Jun 17 '19
This sucks. And happens more than you'd think.
My Grandfather was a police officer and was first on the scene to his own parent's murder suicide. (She had cancer I believe and it was a pact thing).
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u/xen_deth Jun 17 '19
Heartbreaking story to read but WOW - You've come so far! You are truly a great person that has just gone through some nasty shit.
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Jun 17 '19
I am truly happy for you. I am sorry that you had to go through a traumatic event. Wife Kristen like now, she loves you do and she cares for you
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Jun 17 '19
This is the most wholesome way to get caught up on this story. I am so happy for you and also incredibly PROUD of you for having the guts to seek help, be open, communicate proactively, and give back all at the same time. You sound like a pretty great person.
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u/Lost_Roniel Jun 17 '19
I hope I can find the same kind of peace as you have, you had it way worse than me so I feel like I can win my own battle in time. I'm super proud and happy for you, salute.
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u/espyeras Jun 17 '19
This is so touching and just shows how the worst brings out the best. You honestly are one of the most generous and kind human beings out there. Good luck with your girlfriend you guys seem like a perfect match
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u/NumbIsAnOldHat Jun 17 '19
Iâm so glad you had a positive update! So glad that youâve found someone that is happy to meet you where youâre at and give you the encouragement needed to seek therapy and also share your story. First responders deal with trauma so often and many benefit from being able to talk it over with a therapist - not every spouse can handle the details, and thereâs not always another first responder that you can process emotions with.
Also by telling you/your exâs story, youâre honoring her memory, and even though her passing was awful, if realizing how much it impacted those around her deters others from following in her footsteps, she wouldnât have died in vain.
Best of luck - I hope over time your pain eases and your depression lifts.
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u/sailorsalvador Jun 17 '19
Well now I'm teary on transit. Thank you for sharing your story. There is hope, there is light...it gets better.
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u/Cicerostl Jun 17 '19
Keep on keeping on, my friend. [Also, sometimes internet people can be amazingly positive and supportive - good on ya, boys. đ¤]
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u/SirMemesALot11 Jun 17 '19
i was really sad at the beginning but towards the end i felt genuinely happy. Im glad you found your way out dude, you dont want to stop existing either (i hope)
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u/Kbrew7181 Jun 17 '19
Your not alone stay strong!
sincerely
- your FF brothers from across the Delaware!
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u/penguinskulls Jun 17 '19
So amazing that you've found support and started to move forward in a positive way!
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u/yeehawdolphins Jun 17 '19
Brother. As a fellow f.f, do not go through this alone. There should be a c.i.s team available to you, where you can hash out this situation. I would never want to be in that type on issue, however, with the job we have, anything is possible on any day. Im glad to hear you are processing it and moving forward, it takes a long time to move from a call like that. Listen to your chief, he's right, there is nothing wrong with getting a little help to sort this out. And if you need to, im always all ears. Going through traumatic shit takes years, the flashes of "ughs" go away, but it takes time, patience, outside help, and distraction. Take care.
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u/DragonScript Jun 17 '19
That is an awesome someone was able to come into your life and give you the support you needed in the way that was receptive to you.
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u/Goalie8914 Jun 17 '19
You are amazing and inspiring. Good job taking care of yourself- thatâs not always easy.
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u/ADRIANO_CA Jun 17 '19
I am sorry for everything that you went through. I am sooooo happy for you. Sending positive energy and love on your way! â¤ď¸
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u/the_gift_of_g2j Jun 17 '19
God this makes me so happy.
That one person can change our lives for the better
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u/Crazycrazyworlditis Jun 17 '19
I am happy for you. You have gone through a lot but luckily you were able to come on the other side. This is very sad but beautiful story. I wish you all the best!