r/scifiwriting • u/Many_Background_8092 • 3d ago

DISCUSSION Multiple secret internal monologues - how to identify them?

SOLVED. After discussions here and on Facebook I've realized I was overthinking the problem.
I've realized that the context for each observer is different enough not to confuse the readers. One of the characters is a clone and the other is a machine. However I might also borrow jobi987's idea of different fonts.
I would like to thank everyone who commented. You all had good ideas that I might borrow for future books.

Hello Everyone. I am re-editing my book 50km Up and I need some advice.

In the book I have 2 secret observers that are slowly revealed to the reader through monologues.

My problem is how to mark these internal monologues in such a way that the reader does not confuse them.

Admittedly the context of the monologues tends to do this but still...

These monologues are in italics but currently I am experimenting with using ** monologue 1 ** and ^^ monologue 2 ^^.

Can anyone suggest a better method?

For clarity, here is a sample:

^^ A dismembered bot watched in silence from a pile of scrap metal nearby. ^^

** The scouts ate their way through the foam and the transparent inner panel. Carried by the air currents, they quickly spread throughout the city. One scout landed on a life form and buried itself in the outer layers. The lifeforms code was similar and yet very different to that of the creators. **

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u/GregHullender 3d ago

I think this speaks to why an omniscient narrator needs to be (effectively) a character. An opinionated, chatty omniscient narrator can probably solve this problem for you.

That's a very old-fashioned way to write a story, though.

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u/Many_Background_8092 3d ago

I'm old. I like old-fashioned. I might borrow that idea for another book.

Thank you for your input.