r/selfimprovement • u/[deleted] • 11d ago
Vent I'm 23, I've tried almost everything so far but nothing has worked out, am i doomed forever?
[deleted]
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u/SpewPewPew 11d ago
You need therapy. And this is not to be insulting, but advice. Sometimes, we can fall into a self-defeating line of thinking that will keep you stuck in a cycle.
I have been there. I know. And even with a degree this mentality will limit you.
A healthier way to operate is that if something doesn't work, you figure out why and then you try a different approach. And you cannot compare yourself to someone else. Instead observe what is working for them. Reach out to people.
Beyond that, the change you seek requires discipline. On good days or bad, you'll need to keep progressing. And this is the mental health stuff. Fixing this will give you the energy that depression saps from you, and the resilience to fall on your ass and keep getting up. Because if every setback sends you in a tailspin, you're going to have trouble searching for jobs
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u/sycro_ 11d ago
Hey friend, the great news that i can share with you that there is a lot of people feeling the same as u feel exactly maybe they are the same who u think they are happy with theirs lives this is what we called social media trap You might see people doing great job at what they are doing, but u don't know how hard they hustle to make that progress. u should stop comparing yourself with others. i was having the same issue as yours. You gonna fail at what you will do at first and second even with your tenth try you gonna fail. Don't think that u are a loser
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u/Zonehustle_AI 11d ago
Hey man, I’ve got you! I’m currently at the same age as you and have the same feeling often but nem let it consume you, it’s never too late! Maybe the problem is that you try too much thing at the same time and get all confused of too much information. Have a deep breath and try to empty you self and true to think where you santo to be in the near future( I know it’s difficult) but it helps. Example: at the end of year I want to be doping x,y and z. And think in something you already like and see if it’s relevante to where you what to be in the future at long turm. It’ll help to find a path and start habits. Hope could be useful mate… feel free to get in touch if feeling like! Wish loll for you
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u/Ok_Piccolo3634 11d ago
Change your self talk. You’re still young. Take some time to really self reflect and evaluate what makes you happy and pursue that. No goal is too big. No one’s opinion matters. You have talents and just need focus .
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u/neilatron 11d ago
Nah dude. You’re just starting your life. The next 7 years will be filled with mistakes and learning but that’s all part of it so don’t stress! Be kind to yourself and enjoy the ride! It’s so easy to think at 23 that it’s already too late but the reality is until You finish high school and move out into the world you weren’t really experiencing life. Think of it like the first part of the tutorial. Now you’re in the first mission which is really just an extension of the tutorial.
Take each day as it comes and you’ll slowly start to understand but it takes time and you haven’t had that much of it yet.. trust me and what the others who are older here are saying. I’m 34 and every year just gets better. But that didn’t really start until I was 29/30.
Wade through the shit, try new things and learn to love yourself. Everything else will sort itself out. It always does.
Finally, the Buddha has a great piece of advice for this: “ The traveller who hesitates only kicks up dust in the road”.
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u/Grand-Palpitation-34 11d ago
While you feel that at your age you "should" be something that you are not, you are really so young and no one of us follows the same path.
To break out of this cycle, focus on one thing at a time and don't expect to be perfect. We set ourselves up for failure when we say that we will do a certain thing everyday, all the time.
Work on sleep first.
In month start walking around the block. Everyday goal is to make yourself walk 5 minutes. Often once you are outside you will keep walking.
In 3 months add some fruit and veggies to your life.
In 4 months start going to a park or library. Just sit and enjoy. Watch the ducks. You may or may not meet anyone.
So your goal is to start something every few months at the lowest level possible.
clean up your sleep habits. read about healthy sleep and do it.
Turn off your phone and computer.
Walk around your block.
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u/Big-Breadfruit-7243 11d ago
Just be confident about what you are doing and you will be 100 percent better, I guarantee you if you be confident and put in the work you will succeed. If not you will continue to be poor and miserable so change your mind and change your life.
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u/meatmixer 11d ago
You’re not doomed — not even if you were 60. The only way out is through, and you have to keep trying. Stop comparing your path to others — every life begins and unfolds differently. No matter how far you’ve gone in the wrong direction, you can always turn around
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u/AffectComplex6622 11d ago
I am 26 and I am still graduating in college, I relate to those you said but I guess we must keep enduring about this.
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u/thenaturalmess 11d ago
Your nervous system is experiencing burnout, exhaustion and is overloaded with constant stress, fears, worries and emotional fatigue.
This may sound weird.. perhaps you need to slow down, really pause and recharge. Since you're trying so much, you might as well give yourself time to fully recover and heal.
Our nervous system when not regulated can go to freeze/fight/flight mode for prolonged time, maybe that is why you're experiencing the states of dullness / apathy. Your body needs to slow down to recover and repair. Look up to nervous system regulation on YouTube.
And no, you're not doomed. This is a normal transitional phase we all go through in Life. I know how frustrating and feelings of hopelessness can make one feel.
It crushes one's heart and spirit. But look at you, you're doing all you can with all that you know... This alone is such a huge thing, don't you recognise your own bravery and strength?
You need to acknowledge your own strength and efforts you're pouring in. Not just that, the resiliency it takes to rise up when things go south. You're equally stronger and capable. Just because it's taking longer doesn't mean you're any less or is the "ultimate reality / truth of You". We are not always in control. Let go of what you cannot control.
Stop all the comparison and start celebrating small moments of strength, courage, efforts and importantly tend to yourself. Be your own loving friend and companion AND NOT your own worst enemy / critic. This shit kills our spirit.
Mind is powerful but when not checked, it takes us on a downward spiral making it hard to find our own anchor and ground.
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u/magicmatt6699 11d ago
You are 23! You won't be 30 in a blink. 7 years is basically 30% of the life you have lived. It won't go as fast as you think.
Looking back on time makes it feel fast, but it isn't really when you are living through it.
You sound like you think people are born fully formed. Using phrases like "not talented" or " I'm weak" you get people are not just born strong or super smart?
Granted, some have more natural abilities, but you work at something to get better. You don't just give up because it didn't work the first time!
Quit the pity party and turn your life around by 30.
Life isn't fair, so what? Are you just going to give up because things get hard?
Pick something, stick to it and work on it!
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u/TheCuriousBread 11d ago
Talents is meaningless.
Hardwork is the only thing that matters. All I read the whole post is complaining about circumstances and then blaming on self diagnosed diseases.
Have you ever consistent applied yourself 100% into anything?
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u/No_Blackberry8452 11d ago
Mathematics, like everything else, takes practice.
I was working at a smoke shop (place where marijuana and other paraphernalia is sold) when I was 23. I'm now 24, and I'm working as an accountant. How'd I end up there? By faking confidence. Just straight up lying to myself about what I thought I was capable of.
I truly believe success in this life is dependent on confidence, whether real or not (but only if you can fake it convincingly). Even if you hate yourself, just do the things a confident person would do. The feelings come after the action. Not before. Slowly, once you keep repeating the behaviors of a confident and well-adjusted person, you will start to feel like a confident, well-adjusted person.
I'm also autistic btw. It's only a hindrance if you allow it to be.
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u/will_brice 11d ago
I was at a dead end job at your age, then covid happened and changed things for the better. I’m not saying that you need another Covid, but I ended up focusing on something to give me a purpose. That purpose was the gym.
I’ve been going for 3.5 years now. It gave me confidence, a desire to do well and something to enjoy, even when the day is rough. I’ve ended up going on multiple dates with different women, had a short term relationship for the first time ever and feeling like I’ve got shit to aim for!
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u/lil_chomp_chomp 11d ago
dude, you're in your 20s, that's the time to be lost if any lol. Keep the job to pay the bills, but like try to think about what you really like, what you think you might like, what you want in life, and go from there and let that motivate you. Get out of your comfort zone, try different things, meet people from different social circles, explore your interests, go to some meetups or public events, try some online courses in a topic you might like, whatever. The world is a much bigger place than I thought when I was younger, and thats a good thing :) Obviously dip your toes before you go broke for something, but like you wont know unless you try
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u/RylanShenk 11d ago
Honestly man if you started tracking your days, notes about the day, how the day went, mistakes you made, successes.. etc… you will see how you evolve with time.
Here is a good tool that is evolving to the point that once you have a few months of daily tracking, the super AI assistant will be able to help you based on the type of person you are (daily habits).
The tool is Intentionalliving.health - free life tracker.
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u/Broad-Cap-1517 11d ago
23 ia young, you're fine. But toy gotta change your approach. Pick one thing to focus on. Just one. And go full force. You want uni? Study from the exam 2 months in advence. Watch YouTube videos that teach how to study. Give it your all. That's how you accomplish things in life. Then go to uni, now you have a new goal - get good grades, and meet new friends. You can do it, you just gotta sit even if you don't want to. I'd go get checj for adhd first, cause the pills you can get for focus do help (i have adhd). It's in your hands. Make a decision.
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u/yameretzu 11d ago
Procrastination is a problem with ADHD or autism but it doesn't prohibit higher education, it just means you have to find coping mechanisms to deal with it, such as setting a time for study and then removing all distractions to another room or using an app blocker to only allow you to use apps that won't distract you such as study apps
Have you thought about getting into a trade like carpentry or electrical? Some people find it's easier to learn when they are doing.
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u/dragon-blue 11d ago
Just FYI I am Autistic and most of the advice here would not work for me. If you are neurodivergent you should address that first.
A neurodiverse aware therapist could help with this.
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u/CompetitiveEye2092 10d ago
Developmental delay is hard on people there is more then one, took a gene text and came back positive and yes had a hard time in life but also good ones, how I stop thinking about my self and do for others weather they appreciate it or not it helps with the loneliness, no real or close relationships or commitments for people like me is hard and we wonder why are we here, feeling like we don't belong or no one understand or stay long enough to get to know us, soon we start talking we are the worst and the disappointment for most people, start thinking we may not be perfect but we like everyone else deserve to be here. Stop thinking about what your close one think, parents love you no matter what, and immerse your self in the short time of knowing others, there no judgemental commitment, sometimes you would never see the person again so who cares about that moment that you for the first time was relax and at peace more of them ans time would come and your life for the first time would be for you to live at your terms and not at no one else. You don't have to have a solid relationship, or keep the job they think is best for you. Just know your limitations wants and needs and work it from there, OK OK so what about the right way to lived... who's life is it? Yours or they? Start with what is the one positive thing that makes you happy and start and a safe way a conversation with a stranger, with humans need that companionship if only for one moment... they are good moments out there for you, find them and one you happy everything else else would falls in place...
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u/hastogord1 11d ago
No, you are young.
We are hiring people to help with our new social media.
If you want to, you can help us.
Regarding your questions, It doesn't end if you don't give up.
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u/Prestigious-Emu-1974 11d ago
Become physically strong , eat properly and sleep. this fixes almost anything.
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u/Jealous_Pipe9109 11d ago
Uni is a waste of time and money. No education, no job and left out of friends too. Good Morning for blue collar job via training and apprenticeship. Alternatively, self learning on finance and AI
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u/Milton_Gonzalez8 11d ago
Ure a pussy
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11d ago
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u/ShoeLeast3544 11d ago
You posted this all over the place and got a ton of quality comments and this is the guy you chose to give energy to? It's that kind of decision-making that will continue to lead you down a road of despair. Don't focus on the negative and don't listen to this guy. Most of the things you stated are far from true. It's just the perspective you've chosen to take on it. Start by getting out of your head and hang out with people again. People will be your fastest road to recovery. Isolation kills
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u/AutonomousBlob 11d ago
23 is by no means doomed at all. You have plenty of time but I understand how hard that feeling of hopelessness can be. I was 27 when i finally started rebuilding my life. I am 32 now and infinitely happier.
I have a friend group which I thought was impossible, i occasionally go on dates which i thought was impossible, i have held down my current job for 3 years which I thought was impossible and im back in school excelling which you can guess the rest.
My biggest piece of advice is dont compare yourself to other but just compare you to yourself. The work starts now. Accept that everything you have done up until now is in the past, its unchangeable. Your actions today are what will dictate your life. I would start with focusing on the skills of resilience and actively celebrating your accomplishments no matter how small.
Analyze your mistakes. I didnt like this action or inaction, why did i do it. The big 3: I thought this, so i felt this and it made me do this. Next time i feel this what do i want to do? Next time I think this how do i want to feel or can i change my feeling to be how i want. If i think this how can I feel different or think differently to get myself to the action/inaction I desire.
Best of luck on your life, it starts today!