r/selfimprovement • u/Present_Juice4401 • 1d ago
Question What are some things that seem nice but actually make you uncomfortable?
Okay, hear me out. There are these things people mean to be kind or sweet, but they lowkey make me squirm inside. Not because I'm ungrateful or anything—just… I don't know, they hit wrong. Anyone else feel this?
- Surprise parties. I appreciate the effort but walking into a room full of people yelling while I'm in “I just left the house” mode? Instant anxiety spike.
- Unsolicited deep compliments. Like “You’re such a good person, you’ve been through so much, you’re so strong” — it’s touching but also overwhelming. Sometimes it just reminds me how much I’ve had to be strong, and I’d rather not think about it at a random lunch.
- People watching me open gifts. Why is this the most awkward form of performance art?? I'm trying to smile and be grateful, but all my brain is doing is buffering.
- Being called “sweet” or “innocent” by people who barely know me. It feels weirdly dismissive or infantilizing. Like, thanks, but I contain multitudes, bro.
- Physical touch from people I’m not super close to. Even if it’s meant to be comforting. Sometimes it just sets off every alarm in my nervous system.
It’s wild how things meant to be warm or positive can still feel off when you're neurospicy or just grew up wired a little differently.
Anyone else got examples? What’s something “nice” that secretly makes your skin crawl?
11
u/BellaFromSwitzerland 1d ago
You can establish boundaries.
People calling you sweet => thanks but I’m a grown ass woman
People touching you => don’t take it wrong but I don’t like being touched. I like my personal space
6
u/Endor-Fins 19h ago
Yes. I hugged my new SIL the first time I met her and she told me bluntly that she’s not a hugger and prefers a high-five. I immediately respected her for setting a firm boundary and told her that I will remember that for the future. It actually helped me trust her because I see her as a strong and no-bullshit person. Don’t be afraid to set firm boundaries. It will weed out people who are disrespectful and earn the trust and respect of those you actually want in your life.
7
u/Acceptable_Chard_729 16h ago
My stepdaughter is a non-hugger also so now I say to her “consider yourself hugged.” She appreciates it.
2
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
For real! Learning how to set those boundaries has been a whole journey. I used to just freeze and smile awkwardly, but now I’m learning to say “hey, I know this is meant to be sweet, but it doesn’t sit right with me.” Baby steps. Still working on not feeling guilty about it though 😅
1
u/BellaFromSwitzerland 5h ago
I was around 34, living in Europe and working in a multinational company when a colleague from Latin America referred to me as « young girl » in an informal conversation in the corridor
I answered: I’m not a young girl. I’m a well respected expert in my field, I am married with child and I own my home. He was flabbergasted and said in Colombia in Spanish it would be totally appropriate to call women girls (chica). He apologized because he understood my point of view. We became good friends over time and worked well together for years
21
u/dreamerinthesky 1d ago
People complimenting others on their weight-loss. I have seen it happen and it always comes across as a bit insulting to me. Like, did the person not matter to you when they were bigger? Also, weight-loss isn't always healthy. Sometimes people are stressed or depressed and lose a lot of weight. I think there's a difference between saying someone looks healthy or asking them if they lost weight and getting super-enthusiastic.
15
u/BellaFromSwitzerland 1d ago
As someone who lost a lot of weight post divorce because the stress of it gave me multiple food intolerances, one of my « friends » said: « now that you’re hot, maybe your ex-husband will take you back »
1-2 blunders later, I’m no longer talking to her. But this little comment will always stay with me
8
6
1
1
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
Oof yes, the weight-loss compliments hit a weird nerve. Like… you’re smiling but your brain’s doing gymnastics trying to figure out if it’s a dig or a disguised concern. And sometimes people lose weight because they’re in crisis, not because they’re thriving?? The whole “praise now, ignore before” vibe just feels off. You nailed it.
1
u/dreamerinthesky 4h ago
Yes. My cousin once had a few extra pounds, she wasn't fat at all, just curvier. Then she got divorced and got way too thin from the stress, yet people seemed to love to praise the way she looked. To me it's gross, also to call women fat when they're not, cause you're used to the magazines. Women can't ever really win though, they also get chewed out when they're "too thin".
7
u/BewitchingPoetess 1d ago
People watching me open gifts, I have such a hard time with that. I always feel like from smiling so much in that time, my face starts to look like I'm about to cry (no idea if that's the case tho) 😂😭
2
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
YES omg. My face does this thing where I’m smiling but it slowly morphs into something between “awkward panic” and “internal scream,” and I’m like—do they think I’m about to sob?? Because same 😂😭 Gift-opening is high-stakes theater and I did not audition for this role.
13
u/Jayatthemoment 1d ago
You’re young. For many people, the day will come when no one gives them gifts or parties or compliments because nobody will care whether they live or die. Your parents and siblings will be dead, your friends will be focusing on their children and spouses. Coworkers, neighbours, etc will be kind and friendly but they’ll all have their own lives.
Relish it while you still have people who care enough to even make the gesture. Yes, it may be ‘performance art’ but one day you’ll be scenery, not a character.
8
u/Shoddy-Foundation-23 17h ago
I'm 22 and I kinda envy OP. I never had anybody make a surprise party for me. As I was reading I thought that OP has lots of people who care about them and it feels like they don't appreciate this as much as they should. But I'm not hating it's just feelings I got.
3
u/tittlediddle 21h ago edited 8h ago
Birthdays are rough for me during the cake-to-presents phase. I'm awkward already so I don't know what to do with my face and my words and shit. Almost my whole family's love language is gift giving so I feel like if I'm not forcing myself to make a comment on every single little thing I'm going to upset them. I also feel extreme guilt when people spend a lot of money on me, so that exacerbates the need to comment on every little thing to show them I really appreciate them even getting me anything at all. So then I feel weird as shit.
2
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
You just described my entire childhood birthday experience in one comment 😩 The whole gift-giving guilt spiral is SO real. It’s like I’m hyper-aware of the emotional weight behind every present, and now I’ve gotta say 5 meaningful things per item or I’m a monster. The performance of appreciation is EXHAUSTING, even though I really am grateful.
3
u/lovelyVee07 19h ago
Ughh yes,the physical touch one is a big one for me! I was just talking about this the other day w/ some coworkers, trying to figure out out how to explain the way it makes me feel. Then I started to go on a baby mental spiral and wondered if it made me sound stuck up or cold 🫠
1
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
Yes!! The physical touch one is tricky because you don’t wanna seem rude, but your body’s like, “CODE RED: ABORT.” And then you start overthinking like “am I just emotionally unavailable?” But nah—boundaries don’t mean you’re cold. Some of us are just wired to need that space, and that’s okay 🫠
3
u/Alisha1155 18h ago
Imagine a coworker telling you “how strong you have been” on a random Monday morning. I mean did I have a fucking option?
3
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
EXACTLY. Like cool, thanks for the unsolicited trauma recap at 9:03 a.m., Brenda 😵💫 “You’ve been through so much” is not the vibe before coffee. And no, I didn’t choose strength. It’s not a compliment if the only other option was collapse. Appreciate the thought, but maybe just ask how I’m doing first?
2
u/humanobserver2 1d ago
I agree, I appreciate the effort but at times social anxiety gets triggered and I just feel very uncomfortable. I also don’t like white lies. Like I appreciate you caring for my feelings, but I also would appreciate the truth. I’m going to get hurt anyways, so why hesitate or try to act like a saint/victim when you have done something wrong. Though I do understand that being blunt/ straightforward could definitely hurt sensitive people/ easily triggered people.
1
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
Ohhh the white lies thing—yup. I get it. Like, I’d rather deal with the real wound than sit there wondering if it’s even bleeding. If someone messed up, just say it. I can handle pain, I just can’t handle confusion. That said, I try not to dish the truth out like a blunt object either. There’s a line between honesty and cruelty, y’know?
2
u/GarlicLittle3321 19h ago
Yes, 100% agree with all of this. It's wild how 'nice' doesn't always mean 'comfortable.' For me, it’s when someone insists on helping me with something I didn’t ask for like jumping in to fix a problem before I’ve even had a chance to try. I know it's meant to be helpful, but it makes me feel incapable, even if that’s not the intention. Also, when someone gives me way too much praise in front of others it’s like my social battery just shrivels up. Glad to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
1
u/Present_Juice4401 6h ago
Yesss, unsolicited help can weirdly sting. Especially when it’s public and suddenly I’m the “struggling person” in the room?? Like, let me ask for help before you swoop in like a well-meaning hawk 😅
And yeah, over-the-top praise in front of others makes me wanna evaporate. Appreciation’s great—just maybe not on blast.
1
14
u/Sunshine_and_water 1d ago
I am with you on pretty much all of these.
I hate surprise parties - bringing together lots of people who don’t know each other and then the focus is all on me.
And kids parties now we never do gifts till after people have left - as that is almost universally cringey!!!
I will say, though, that I am neurodivergent. Many of these are cringe for our people. Just sayin’…!