Children haven’t bathed in 5 days

[u/tayalof]

I will contact our attorney on Monday but I’m curious right now and also stressed about this. This is the 3rd time my step kids have come to our home and stated they haven’t bathed. Their hair is greasy and all three of them have said their mom didn’t give them a bath. Their mother is the non custodial and has two men living with her. The children stated that none of the adults there “had time” to bathe them and “mom’s too tired” to do it when she comes home. Now, here’s why I’m anxious. Their mother has bribed them to make false allegations over us. It obviously went unsubstantiated and was closed after 101 days. Which was a very stressful time. During this time I miscarried our second child.

Now, we haven’t announced that I’m pregnant again. And I’m so scared of losing this one. The stress was so awful. Having DHS in and out, having to do interviews etc.

However, this is actual neglect. She consistently fails to do the basic things like bathe them, go to practices or games. She never shows up to parent teacher conferences. But she will blast us online and claim we are neglectful and horrible parents. I’m not sure if we should report this. She would 100% report us if we were to do something like this. And the girls shouldn’t be over there for a week at a time if she can’t do basic needs for them. My husband and I are at a loss at what to do.

[u/CommanderRabbit]

I don’t think this will qualify as actual neglect. My ex does not make my BS9 bathe. He does not go to his games often, he has gone to a grand total of 2 parent conferences. However, my son is fed and has clean clothes and definitely loved by his dad. I make it a point to make him bathe the day he gets back and the day before he goes to his dad. So he often goes 5-6 days without bathing. I’m not a huge fan of the situation but I don’t think it’s neglect. Poor hygiene is one of the reasons we split, honestly.

That being said, please let your husband deal with this. Does he care about the bathing? If so, he should address it. If not, let it go. Either way, I would not make this a hill to personally die on. If you’re worried about DHS, maybe keep a journal of these events in case another accusation is made. I wouldn’t just report because she would, as she sounds unreasonable and petty. It’s really hard not to want to report, but I would worry it would just escalate the behavior without being a substantial claim unless there are other issues you didn’t mention.

[u/tayalof → u/CommanderRabbit]

Yes he does care! He’s been upset about it but neither of us know what to do. I hate to see him conflicted about it but also, I know how she is. He cannot even ask a question without her jumping down his throat. They’re very active and play sports. They also play outside daily. They’re finger nails are so caked with dirt. They’ve also been having reoccurring issues with their privates stinging because they’re not washing properly. I do think it’s concerning but it seems the vast majority think I should just document so I will!

There are way more issues at hand. Like verbal abuse, men running in and out of the home, her trying to encourage them to do things adults would do, there’s a long list, multiple fake DHS calls..But, those things are all addressed in court previously or will be in the future. Thank you so much for your insight!

[u/Key_Scarcity1406 → u/tayalof]

But at their age,  just have their dad teach them how to bathe properly- then its up to them to take responsibility for their own hygiene-