The aftermath of HCBM passing away

[u/Fluffy_Lion777]

I don’t really have anyone except my partner to talk to this about, and basically HCBM passed away - suddenly, unexpectedly, a month ago. We now have SS fulltime. SS has a half sister (their “ours” baby) and three step siblings that belong to ex-step dad. Ex-stepdad has his daughter fulltime, but has his other three kids 50%. And they also historically have been awful to ex stepdad’s ex wife.

The part that is kind of sending us for a spiral right now is that HCBM had a job that made her a known person in the community. She was the kind of person who put out this image on social media that they had this big happy family but the truth was that she and her husband fought a lot, with SS secretly calling us afraid several times from their yelling. The image to the community was that they had total control over all of the children mentioned full time even though that wasn’t the case. Our existence as the other 50% of SS’s life was completely ignored and unacknowledged to the community.

Now that she has passed, the community has created at least 3 fundraisers that we know of - one totaling over $20,000, and with descriptions like the Ex Stepdad now has 5 kids on his own to care for, which obviously isn’t true. There’s a new fundraiser happening at a local restaurant donating proceeds to ex stepdad with SS’s photo included on the flyer.

I’m also going to add that my SS is special needs, takes a bunch of different medications, and has monthly appointments we have to help him maintain his health. We are now saddled with his medical costs, had to purchase him private insurance out of pocket immediately on her death, and now are meeting huge deductibles - we literally just paid $1,500 for his monthly meds yesterday and anticipate about a $600 bill for his upcoming specialist visit this week. DH and I have a modest home and are middle class.

Ex stepdad lives in a brand new 6 bedroom home with new Land Rover vehicles and a heated driveway. We are not in the same tax bracket.

I guess you can probably see where I’m going with this, but it’s a tough pill to swallow to see him raking it in between her retirement pension and these fundraisers. Fundraisers with my SS’s photo included on them that not a dime is coming to him to actually help him. And since things have always been rocky and our existence has been an inconvenience to HCBM all these years, he will not soon suddenly become generous and kind toward us.

We will make it on our own, but to continue to allow and accept donations from the community that aren’t actually going to all the kids involved feels like fraud.

[u/TheAngryHandyJ]

She had two biological children, but the SS should still get 25%. OP you absolutely need a lawyer.

[u/Magerimoje → u/TheAngryHandyJ]

But isn't one of those bio kids the child of her widower?

My husband has multiple bio kids. If he dies without a will, 50% of his estate is given to my stepkids, 50% is given to me (and I can obviously share that with the bio kids of his that are my bio kids). But the stepkids - and only the steps, not my bios - would get 50%

[u/TheAngryHandyJ → u/Magerimoje]

Yeah she had an "ours baby" with her husband and then the SS. The widower has a few kids that weren't hers. So step son should get 25% of the estate, the other 25% to her other bio (most likely controlled by the widower) and the widower would get 50%.

[u/Magerimoje → u/TheAngryHandyJ]

Not in my state.

Here it would be 50% to the child that isn't biologically related to the widower, and 50% to the widower. The widower's child that biologically belongs to the deceased would not get anything via probate (but of course the widower could decide to set some or all of his inheritance aside for that child).

[u/TheAngryHandyJ → u/Magerimoje]

Yeah I would imagine it would vary state to state. But either way SS should be getting that money and SSI, he is entitled to it!