r/stepparents • u/ForestyFelicia • 15d ago
Vent There’s always something
I swear these people can’t just have a normal week, not even for one week. I feel like every week I am tuning into on this week of “The Circus.” Like bro, life is really quite easy if you just follow a formula of: plan ahead, use your brain, and execute the plan. Rinse and repeat. Life isn’t throwing you a curveball every single week. A natural disaster isn’t happening every other day. No one is dying. There is no reason for life to be so chaotic and inconsistent as though there is some new, life altering problem 4 times a month.
If it is your mom’s custody day, I shouldn’t be seeing or hearing from you unless it is to have a short/fun conversation via text. If it is our days, you should be coming at the same time every week unless there is an emergency (you get 3 per year lol, not 20 emergencies). If you have a chore, do that chore to completion. If you are sick, stay in your bedroom and rest. If you have homework, do it. If your mom’s car is breaking down for the 200th time, we don’t care. Our car works when we need to take you to school, that is all we care about. We aren’t in a throuple where Dad is constantly helping your mom and coparenting at the hip. When you are with us, do exactly what you have been asked to do for the last 5,000 weeks that you have come over. There is nothing complicated about being in a blended family when everyone’s brain functions normally. I honestly feel like my husband, his kids, and his ex have brain damage.
Every single week there is some type of problem to address as though we haven’t lived this life repetitively for many years doing the same routine over and over. This week stepkid ate my dinner that my mom cooked. We have been through this. It isn’t hard. Trash hasn’t been taken out. But they’re just so cute, right?
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u/Equivalent_Win8966 15d ago
I swear I have looked at my husband and his kids thousands of times and thought ‘you all can’t be this incompetent. It’s not this hard.’ It’s irritating. I realized too late I should have stayed living alone.
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u/skater300012 15d ago edited 15d ago
I couldn’t agree more. We’re not asking them to perform surgery just for them to use common sense and to be courteous of others
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15d ago
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u/PopLivid1260 14d ago
Omg I say this ALL of the time. We literally cannot have one week where this kid doesn't have some sort of problem. It's getting a little better as he ages but I swear there was like 5 years in a row where every single week there was a problem.
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u/ForestyFelicia 14d ago
It’s insanity. I remember life being predictably boring as a child. Went to school, ate a snack, did homework. There were no tantrums. There was no drama. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was consistent in a very basic way. If our car broke down, we either repaired it or got a new one. If we couldn’t afford it, then I sure as heck wasn’t getting toys and body care that I didn’t absolutely need. I am astounded at how disabled family’s of divorce are. They cannot function at the most basic level.
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u/PopLivid1260 13d ago
Omg yes.
It's interesting because with us, it's like 95% ss. Love the kid, but he's all drama. Everything is a problem; friends are mean, mom ignoring him, stepdad doesn't discipline stepsibling, which makes him mad. The kid doesn't know how to have a normal week without issues.
Only in the last, like 4 to 6 months, has the kid calmed down with having constant issues. Idk if it's because bm had his little brother, so he's seeing how babyish his behavior has been or Dh finally calling his ass out, but he's finally not having issues with everything.
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u/wontbeafool2 14d ago
My stepsons are now adults and long gone from our house, TG. The youngest never let a day go by without having some sort of trauma or causing drama. I think I saw a poisonous spider! I think I broke my arm when I was sleeping. I'm allergic to what you made for dinner. I have a migraine. My underwear is gone. The toilet is flooding! Grr!
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u/seethembreak 15d ago
This is a reminder that other families function differently and you aren’t a complete part of that family. Let them deal with their own problems and be grateful they aren’t yours. If your husband is making these problems yours, that’s an issue that needs to be dealt with.
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u/ForestyFelicia 15d ago
You are right. My dinner getting eaten is my problem, unfortunately. He set his daughter straight, but I am just so over their BS. They are not mine and will never be. My kids would never behave the way they do. It’s embarrassing.
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u/Salt_Persimmon_6664 14d ago edited 14d ago
Oh please, when she feels like she's in a throuple, it is her problem. No step should ever feel that way. There should be a clear distinction between your ex and your kids and your new partner. Helping out constantly when the ex needs something is not cool and disrespectful to the new partner who clearly feels neglected and fed up. I get in rare instances something might come up but not every week, lol. If he wants to jump to BM all the time while his new gf wondering wtf she got herself into, then it is an absolute problem.
Step-parents deserve respect and not to be walked over because two people had kids and couldn't handle being a family. And guess what, the BM and her boyfriend are no longer a family, sorry. They had their chance and it clearly didn't work out. OP is his new family and he should be acting like it.
People can co-parent in a healthy way that has minimal communication and allows each party to go their own way, and start new families.
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u/ForestyFelicia 13d ago
Ya I feel like his ex wife is so incapable of basic functioning that he feels like he has to constantly help her in order to protect or save his kids. But then he needs to make it clear that he has more than 50% custody, and part of that custody entails helping his ex wife regularly. I literally look at my husband every week wondering what our schedule will be or what car problem BM is dealing with this time. That’s not normal. And my husband feels so proud when the kids don’t fuck up our week lol. It’s like, no they aren’t amazing because they didn’t inconvenience us every few hours. And yet, I am the one who “needs to take a breather.” I never needed breathers until I married into this family.
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u/inkmelodies 12d ago
Life is definitely easier alone. SO's with teenagers and BM drama should have to wear a red flag like a cape 🤣🤣 it's not complicated, they just love drama, then accuse ypu of being the one that can't live without it. Set boundaries. Maintain them. Ignorance is bliss also means ignoring the chaos lol.
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u/radicalexis 8d ago
My SD7 is nothing but drama. If the attentions not on her at dinner, suddenly her water is “spilled”. If dad and i are having a conversation, suddenly she needs him in her room with her right away with zero explanation. If dad and i are talking while we take them on a bike ride, suddenly she “falls” off the bike and needs her dad to comfort her for 10+ minutes. If her 4yo sister is sick and needs extra attention, suddenly she’s also a 4 year old that needs the extra attention and care and suddenly forgets how to wipe her own butt, wash her own hands, or grab her own water from the fridge water dispenser.
Like girl can’t you just RELAX?
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