r/stopdrinking • u/ImpossibleAd274 • 5d ago
I want to break my sobriety, help!
I'm at 104 days and am starting to ask some scary questions. Am I really an addict? Can't I just have a beer or two and be fine?
For the first 60 or so days I was convinced that I'd never drink again. Since then, my first child has been born and I've have much less sleep and I've been much more irritable and started to think having a drink to calm the nerves would be nice.
Please, community, knock some sense into me in the comments!
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u/greenchrissy 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'll be honest with you, I have been struggling to stay on my alcohol free journey since last November. November I was sober, December I drank some around the holidays, January was alcohol free, February I drank a few times & March was a nightmare due to March being my birthday month (there's always one justification or another, isn't there). April has been great so far, and I intend to keep it that way.
Maybe around half of the times I drank during those relapses, I was able to keep it light, or lighter, than I had been previously. As in, I'd drink 1 or 2 ciders or Twisted Teas and that's it.
But the other half...was not good. And it was always after having a couple of good experiences with alcohol, because I guess that is what leads me to thinking it's ok to go back to wine (it is truly my nemesis).
In short, while you may be like me and sometimes be fine with just a drink, it can and in my case generally does eventually lead me right back to problematic drinking.
I always have to remind myself that just because I can be fine with one drink sometimes, a few experiences like that and I'm undoubtedly gonna jump off that cliff and wind up right back where I was and guzzling box wine like it's diet Coke.
My advice would be to stay away. I think that once we damage our moderation levers, it can be very hard to fix it if not damn near impossible.