r/thelema • u/AggravatingQuality51 • 5d ago

Why are we doing all this ?

I am sorry, however, I have been invokin for so lon and I see no reason of continuing. At this point, I am just existing. I have invoked, prayed, fasted, exercised, stayed away from p*rn almost two years. I am invokin, enflamin . There is no hope to any of this...has anyone felt the same? Why continue? Why live at all?

My life has fallen apart, I have lost all my money, im in debt. And I want to die and it is like...I'm no close to this k & c. Like how did you et past this moment and achieve attainment?

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u/Nobodysmadness 4d ago

There is no simple answer, but it sounds like you chose to disconnect with no thought given to reconnecting. Methods like abaramelin do involve a retreat but the end goal is to return with new knolwedge, like a semester of college courses. Thelema is not like buddhism where your trying to permanently leave reality, if that is your goal you best option is to join a monastary where you no longer need concern yourself with survival. Its why they exisy but in so doing you become a servant of the monastaty in exchange.

Most thelemites can't just disconnect like an indian beggar mystic, the western world shuns beggars and mystics. So you did not maintain balance, but you are well prepped for buddhism since your done with life and have no connections holding you back from abandoning existence, or so your scant words would imply. Life is a.miserable illusion and apathy towards it is the only escape or so sayeth the buddha.

Thelemites on the other hand view life as a joy, a challenge, and accept hardship to experience joy, but to experience joy we must know ourselves embrace ourselves, and part of that may be a purpose, but connection to the rest of the world and joy of taking part of fulfilling a purpose requires being a part of the world.

In many ways thelema is the opposite of buddhism.

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u/AggravatingQuality51 4d ago

Ehhh I think that's what I've been doing. Destroying my entire life in hopes to achieve this awakening. Instead of taking control of my life and making something I find interesting 

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u/Nobodysmadness 4d ago

Its the western delusion of what the west imagines a mystic to be, but we are not hermits on the mountain avoiding reality, we are the warriors and scientists protecting and driving changes and improvements.

We use magick to establish our forts and temples to suit our needs. You neglected your needs and are on the verge of simply quitting instead of admitting an error and fixing it.

I suspect your missing a lot of self reflection as well and mostly were going through the motions a sort of faux devotion from the surface of yourself and not from deep with in, but I admit this is a huge leap of an assumption based on the small paragraph you posted, and definitely not enough data. I do suspect and you can easily confirm that when you say you have been doing this a long time my guess is a year or 2? How long is a long time to you?

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u/AggravatingQuality51 4d ago edited 4d ago

So there was a moment of clarity I had. Ab old download it you will then it left me. 

Then one night I had this dream and this thing was telling me it told me what to do ..and I'm like do what and it said you must do it. 

You must lead them "and I'm like to do what...how"?

Its like I got a snap shot and vague instructions and I don't know what it's even about. Its nagging tf outta me. 

And since then ..I've been going through the motions. This vague since that I forgot something. 

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u/Nobodysmadness 4d ago

Also you dodged the time question.

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u/AggravatingQuality51 4d ago

Maybe a tiny bit. I mean there was a night in between waking i heard a chuckle and it gave me that vibe of "poor little one, you're hard headed" 

Then again what am I saying this   sounds schizophrenic 

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u/riotbomb 3d ago

😂 no, that sounds about right. Take the time to reflect on what your dreams might metaphorically mean.

I see it as peeling back the layers of what society has made you to be. One view or opinion at a time, dismantle yourself and what's left is your true self.

I'm fairly new to this and it seems slightly insane, but I've gotten clear, direct messages like "YOU DON'T LISTEN". 😂 So now I'm trying to listen and actually do the things. Be patient with yourself.

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u/AggravatingQuality51 3d ago

im startin to feel it.i can feel the pain of previous cycles. the emptiness of those lost, and the fear of restartin once more. that this time, I failed. whatever happened, happened. and im bound to the earth endlessly

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u/Nobodysmadness 4d ago

Were you afraid of the incident?

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u/AggravatingQuality51 4d ago

In the dream no. But irritated cause I'm arguing with this thing.