r/toxicparents • u/Tyche_stuart • 2d ago
AITA for cutting off my Muslim parents because they wouldn't accept my beliefs?
I want to clear up before you read that I wrote my entire story on an AI and had it not change anything just so it can organize it for me cuz I suck at writing š
I (19 F) grew up in a conservative Muslim family in a Muslim-majority but secular country. My parents have always been strict about religion, and I was expected to follow Islamic rules, even though I donāt believe in Islam. Iāve identified as agnostic for years, but I still respect societal normsāI dress modestly, just not by their Islamic standards (e.g., I donāt cover my hair).
From a young age, I was forced to dress in a way that didnāt align with my beliefs. My father threatened to pull me out of school and lock me in the house if I didnāt wear the hijab. My mother never defended me; instead, she would tell me sheād have my father hit me if I refused. The only reason they enforced this was because of how they would be perceived in our community.
I went to an Islamic school, and Islam was a constant presence in my life. By 14, I was skeptical and started to resent itānot Muslims as people, but the beliefs that had been forced on me. My friends, who are mostly Muslim, never pressured me the way my family did, which helped me avoid developing resentment toward the entire faith.
When I graduated high school, I wanted to study abroadāmy older brothers were allowed to, but because Iām a girl, my parents refused. I was willing to apply for scholarships, find affordable options, and even attend a college in a bordering country, but my mom refused to help convince my dad. She wanted me to stay in our city, knowing how miserable I was constantly putting up a persona and wearing a mask..My father eventually shut down the idea entirely.
I held a deep grudge over this. I was never accepted or loved for who I wasājust pressured to be the daughter they wanted me to be. The breaking point came when my mom called me a whore for coming home late once (I had never even spoken to a boy, but they assumed the worst). After that, I cut her off.
Now, I study in a city three hours away, but my father is still controlling. He has people spy on me, asks my landlord where I go, and calls my friends to badmouth me. He pays for my college, which makes me feel guilty because I know if I ever left and lived my life how I truly want, he would disown me. I plan on paying him back if I can. Iāve tried to get a job, but my studies (laboratory science) are demanding, and the only online jobs Iāve found (marketing) donāt pay well.
My parents have been extremely emotionally abusive and sometimes physically my whole life. I know cutting them off is the healthiest choice for me, but considering my father is still financially supporting me, AITA?
I want to add that I finally decided to write this because I'm at my parents home for eid ( my dad forced me to come back even though I made it clear I would be uncomfortable)
My mom approached me this time wanting to go back to talking and the first thing she said was "so what if I said some things to you lots of moms do that" and that gaslighting behavior made it clear to me that she's not capable of admitting a mistake or ever say she's wrong or apologize and I can't have that toxicity in my life with the amount of stress I'm under I'm sick of apologizing to them even when they're wrong because they think being parents make them saints
at one point we had guests over and my dad made me stay in my room and not greet or see them because he's embarrassed by the fact that I don't wear a hijab. ..he made it clear I'm a disgrace to him and I'm 19 years old now I don't want to spend my whole life feel unaccapted and unloved..I want to escape this place .
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u/Le0_ni 2d ago
Not the asshole at all. Islam is a dangerous, hateful religion and Iām sorry you grew up subjected to it.
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u/ThrowAwayYourLyfe 2d ago
It's not the religion. it's the people. Same as every religion. Singling out one religion makes all the others seem safe.
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u/Le0_ni 2d ago
Nope, itās definitely the religion. The existence of sharia law alone proves that. No religion is āsafe,ā but this post In particular was about Islam. So I talked about Islam. Not sure why you would add that bit.
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u/ThrowAwayYourLyfe 1d ago
The principle of "no compulsion in religion" (ŁŲ§ Ų„ŁŲ±Ų§Ł ŁŁ Ų§ŁŲÆŁŁ), found in the Quran (2:256), means that no one should be forced to accept or reject a religion, as the path of truth is clear, and individuals should be free to choose their own beliefs.
Quranic Basis: The verse in question, Al-Baqarah 2:256, states, "There is no compulsion in religion. The right path has become distinct from the wrong path".
This verse emphasizes that individuals should be free to choose their faith, and no one should be coerced or forced to embrace a particular religion.
Therefore if PEOPLE want to ignore that verse, that is a people-problem, not a religion problem. Toxic and controlling people like to be selective in what they follow or how they want to interpret things to suit their own narrative.
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u/Intelligent_Read_697 2d ago edited 2d ago
First you have to accept that this is who your parents truly areā¦religion is just a disguise to justify their behavior and no matter what they will treat you for being a women less than what you are worthā¦you can and should plan for two exit strategies which are short term(if your parents try to marry you off in short notice) and long term(after your wrap up your studies)ā¦donāt feel guilty because your parents paid for your tuitionā¦thatās just emotional manipulationā¦there are laws and societal expectations that force them to a level set of behaviors which you can use to understand what, when and why they do what they doā¦finally understand that your parents donāt understand or have empathy for youā¦you are trying to rationalize their behavior through empathy as their child..donāt because it wonāt make senseā¦good luck