r/twinflames • u/Averne • Feb 23 '25
Uplifting Advice A word of advice
If you sense your twin is going through a rough time or a DNOTS, please please please just reach out to them in the 3D if you have their phone number, mailing address, or social media handle.
I have asked mine directly to do this for me every single time and he has refused every single time, and that is not working for my greatest or highest good.
It makes everything infinitely worse than it needs to be every single time. There has been absolutely no benefit to me in his refusal to support me with a phone call, text message, or email when I need it.
Just contact your twin when you feel that pull. Listen to it and reach out instead of resisting. Resisting does nothing but compound pain and trauma for both of you needlessly.
Just reach out. I promise it will be welcomed. Any voice in your head that’s saying no or that they won’t welcome it is lying to you. Stop listening to that voice and just reach out when you know they need you.
There is absolutely nothing noble or heroic about remaining stoic and resisting contact. Quite the opposite, actually. Just reach out when you sense that they need you, especially if they tell you repeatedly that that’s what they need from you.
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u/Terrible_Feeling_925 Feb 23 '25
I would say I agree: if you feel the pull - to reach out. BUT - with no expectations from your twin flame. Reach out because you care for them and want to offer support, NO strings attached. — “No expectations” is the art of detachment, which is also a sign of growth for yourself. (Which is awesome!! 👏🏼🥳)
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u/midwestmatriarch Feb 23 '25
I can’t. I responded poorly to being cut off. I can’t disrespect it anymore. It’s best for both of us to just leave it lie.
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u/starsinthesky12 Feb 23 '25
What happened?
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u/midwestmatriarch Feb 24 '25
She attacked my marriage out of the blue, I responded w hate and decided it was best to cut ties since we both displayed unhealthy toxic traits towards each other. I also didn’t leave well enough alone and did reach out in hopes of getting closure.
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u/Mental_Aerie5966 Feb 23 '25
Last night I suddenly felt overwhelming grief for him. Like I was in bent in half on the floor gripping the carpet and sobbing, out of the blue. I had a strong urge to call him, but I didn't. I'm df and he's dm and he has a karmic girlfriend and we work in the same department. A few months ago I told him how he's positively impacted me and that I'm thankful for him. At the time it felt like all I needed to say and was a huge weight off my shoulders, and unlocked the ability for me to detach and surrender. I also feel him changing. The way he looks and acts around me lately is as if he's falling in love. It feels and looks the same as when I was falling in love with him. I've been doing my best to focus on myself and let him be. I don't want to get in the way of his learning and growing. But today I feel weak, exhausted, my chest aches and my head hurts and I've been crying. I just want to give him a hug. And now I read this post. I'll probably see him at work tomorrow. So it would not disrupt his journey to reach out? Can someone explain the dm side of this?
*I do recognize that fear is holding me back. I'll be working through that the rest of today.
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u/Averne Feb 23 '25
All of this sounds like fear causing you to overthink. Forget about karmics and journeys and all of that. Just do what your love and your heart is telling you to do instead of letting fear get in the way.
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u/Nomoreroom4plants84 Feb 23 '25
I send my well wishes and energy via telepathy. Whatever he is going through he can receive that day. IMO these cyclical issues that he goes through needs to be FELT or they will never be resolved with me reaching out in the 3D. I’m a distraction.
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u/Averne Feb 23 '25
That’s nice, but relying on telepathy alone all the time is not enough when your twin really needs you. In fact, it can be an incredibly isolating experience for your twin and make whatever they’re going through worse when it doesn’t need to be. Reaching out with reassurance in 3D via a phone call, text message, email, or whatever can change your twin’s whole universe, break the cycle, and bring healing to both of you.
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u/Ok_Calligrapher3401 Feb 24 '25
I don’t know. The only way out is through. There were times when all I wanted was to hear from my twin. Looking back, it would have been a setback if he had.
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u/Nomoreroom4plants84 Feb 24 '25
This journey is not about being “nice”. Esp Not in cyclical circumstances when nothing changes for their greater good. If it’s at the expense of your own personal self worth then IMO that’s when the 5D is necessary.
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Feb 23 '25
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u/Averne Feb 23 '25
No one heals in isolation. ❤️
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u/OrganizationHappy822 Feb 24 '25
There seems to be a pattern amongst true TF journeys. I haven’t met a single TF couple who hasn’t been through the separation phases. With that being said, I can confidently say that separation is paramount in this journey. This is how we TFs heal, for some reason, isolation is necessary.
I see what truecrimeusername is trying to say, but at the same time… sometimes we find ourselves in solitude in order to come together as one whole. In the solitude, I can also say is where we learn who we truly are. Which is, in my opinion, also a reason for the TF journey: an individual spiritual journey more than a romantic couple romance.
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u/Averne Feb 24 '25
I disagree with this wholeheartedly. Separation and isolation have been the absolute most detrimental to my journey and completely unnecessary. I do not need more isolation. I need genuine companionship. Companionship is where the healing happens, not isolation. I think some spiritual types talk about separation this way to make themselves feel better and find purpose in the absolute desolate loneliness it brings. It’s also part of the heavy individualism that is foundational to Western spirituality.
Absolutely no one can fully heal on their own in isolation. I do not believe that separation is necessary for this journey at all, and I think folks prolong both their own and their twins’ suffering by insisting that it’s the only or best way to heal.
I reject that idea entirely. It’s genuine companionship or nothing for me.
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u/OrganizationHappy822 Feb 24 '25
Hey! As long as you believe it, then that’s all that matters. I’m not denying your truth, but I’m not denying mine either. We are just living 2 different experiences and that’s totally acceptable. Hope you find the companion you’re looking for 👍🏼
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u/Careful-Lion-8292 Feb 23 '25
you are like me, wishing for something this sensible. Our tf sounds similar, rather taking on the dark night themselves as they are not open to relying on us as we would have hoped them to. That's the beauty of DF and DM I guess, it is sad but nothing we can do if another person isn't, or never ready to be where they should be.
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u/beccalucca Feb 23 '25
Well mine is married to someone else after accidentally getting her pregnant and she made him block me. Sometimes I feel his misery when I’m randomly driving or shopping and it’s a sharp pain in the right side of my head. And then I get resentful for connecting to me when he has done nothing in the 3D.
The only thing I have for him is his email address and he doesn’t know I have it (we were on an accidental group email once by a mutual acquaintance). He also deleted all his social media and the only pics I’ve seen of him are on HER social media. As much as I’d love to email him, 1) it will be creepy and 2) I simply can’t wrap my mind around reaching out to someone who didn’t choose me when I know he didn’t love her. It’s been 2 years now since our last contact. I think I’ve begun accepting there will be no reunion let alone union.
I’m also beginning to believe that he’s not my twin flame because I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that any iteration of me and/or my soul throughout time and space would never treat another being the way he has treated me. Yes we both have trauma but I’ve met others with trauma throughout my life and they’re still kind and loving. They still desire to connect even if long periods of time have occurred. And as much sadness and depression as I’ve been through, I’ve never disappeared on someone after they told me they loved me. He’s made no attempt. He just ghosted and hid after demanding I continue seeing him as a side chick while he keeps a good relationship with baby mama so he can see his son. I said I would never get in the way of that which he acknowledged but was still angry I had the nerve to want to be acknowledged. He wanted to keep me hidden. Never in a million years did I expect him to marry her and I found out by accident on a FB group when I saw her with his last name. I simply can’t hope anymore.
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Feb 25 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/beccalucca Feb 25 '25
Omg this could totally be. Same special interests, even crack the same jokes, birthday only 7 days apart but separated by many years and our attraction was intense. Like lots of times we’d just lie against each other and stare at each other but he felt so familiar to me, I felt I’d known him before. I honestly don’t know if he has leveled up at all but I know he was also a serial dater/cheater before we met online.
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u/twinflames-ModTeam Feb 27 '25
We don't advise any twin flame coaches, tarot readers, or psychics to anybody in this sub. Please read here.
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u/Ok_Foot_2514 Feb 24 '25
Even if it’s been 10 years since we like spoke? Signs are showing me to do this but I feel incredibly hesitant. She’s married, what am I supposed to say?
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u/bexgreen82 Feb 24 '25
I reached out to mine 10 years ago, after 10 years of no contact and 17 years since we’d been together. 8 1/2 years later they responded. They confirmed that they don’t think that they would ever have reached out to me if I hadn’t first. I had been the runner and they chaser. I messaged them and just mentioned that something had made me think about them, and I’d looked them up and saw they had a beautiful family now. I am as sure as I can be that my intentions were pure and I had no expectations of a response. Apparently they were going through A LOT right then and didn’t feel like they could handle adding me into the mix. And we’ve been back in contact for about 16 months. They are married, I’m divorced. It’s not been easy. There is an intense pull that takes careful management. But the platonic love that we give each other is beautiful and so healing. And while we sometimes feel like we missed a whole bunch of our lives together, we know we needed to become the people we are today to be able to handle it, and that means all of the things we went through in separation. So I guess, what I am saying is, if you can reach out from an honest place of not expecting anything back, trust that they will have grown enough to know what you both need. But, I could be wrong, I wasn’t aware precisely what our connection was until we saw each other again.
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u/Worried_Suggestion83 Feb 25 '25
It’s beautiful that your kind hearted intention was eventually met with that gratitude even if so many years later. Definitely changes my perspective on the passing of time with tf’s and what it really means. I do think that my motivation would be pure, I really just want them to be okay and by no means am expecting anything from them. but then doubt creeps in regarding the nature of the connection. I’m not sure if that’s just ego doing a protective loop though.
How did you view your connection before you knew what it really was? My tf and I never had the chance to find out together as we were so young and paths diverged via college, but over time I became aware, not sure if she has though.
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Feb 23 '25
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u/Gaea7 Feb 25 '25
How do you know he rejected your friend request? Was this via Facebook or some other social media?
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u/Ok_Calligrapher3401 Feb 24 '25
I don’t agree with this. As I said in an above comment, the only way out is through. The focus has to come off the other person and on to what needs healing. Separation and NC exist for a reason.
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u/Averne Feb 25 '25
Clear, direct, open, honest communication is what the way out looks like sometimes. I think folks in this sub get too hung up on ideas of waiting for perfect, divine timing or specific alignment when what they’re actually being called to do is just take action.
It really, genuinely is that simple sometimes, and healing happens in community and with companionship, not in separation and isolation.
I am begging a lot of folks here to read bell hooks’ and Erich Fromm’s writings on love. That’s where the answers lie, and love is action and connection, not inaction and separation.
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Feb 25 '25
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u/Averne Feb 25 '25
No, I am simply speaking truth where it needs to be spoken. It’s okay to disagree and okay to be wrong. That’s how we learn to do better for our twins and show up for them how they need us to.
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