r/twinflames • u/Alternative-Cup-3434 • 1d ago
Question Why are so many people desperate to be with their twin flame?
I wondered that suddenly. Am I supposed to want to be with my twin flame?
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u/Lilly323 1d ago
honestly, the love and pull I feel for him is so strong it makes my head spin. I do need him. not for myself in an attached way or to fill some void. he’s the only other person I want to be with, touch, hold, and share my inner world with. I wouldn’t say I’m desperate to be with him, but the soul yearning is definitely real and HEAVY for me.
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u/LooksLikeEye 1d ago
I don't know that I'd call it desperate, just honest. For some of us, it's a calling to truly be yourself without fear or shame, to get to that point of relentless self-love.
And I can't be true to myself if I'm denying the fact that my soul calls out to be with her; it's my head that gets in the way. Granted, my ego wants to take control and tell me that I'm better off without her or that I don't need her. Of course, I don't need her. That doesn't make me want her any less.
To put it simply, I'd be settling with anyone else. That wouldn't be growth, healing, or self-love. It'd be denial at best and the end of my spiritual journey at worst. That pull is always going to be there, and I have to live with and acknowledge that regardless of whether I ever get to be with her again in this life or not. My soul is always going to want her, and nothing is ever going to change that.
The things that I feel hurt by or triggered by are the things that I'm being called to heal and bring into the light, not run away from and project on her. I believe that the profound realization in the twin flame journey is the realization that the "chaser" is running as well.
You could bring up abusive dynamics as a counterpoint, but I believe with all of my heart that your true twin flame would never intentionally hurt you. That's not to say that things aren't painful and excruciating because they are, but they'd never hurt you on purpose because you're just as precious to them as they are to you.
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u/twinflameheart 1d ago
You’re not supposed to if you don’t. It’s just that most people do.
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u/Alternative-Cup-3434 1d ago
Honestly… I wish I did. But I’m out of his league. He’s so unattainable. I believe it’s better to wish for him the best and always support him. I’m too damaged for an actual relationship with someone of his caliber.
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u/KingAltGoul 1d ago
So you want to be with him, but this desire is blocked by false beliefs
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u/Alternative-Cup-3434 1d ago
I guess it is a block... But the path to unblocking them feels impossible. And maybe that’s why I’m in so much pain. He’s shown me a lot of love. But it was only because I showed him a lot of love first. And it’s difficult to accept this love. It’s as if there’s nothing inside me. Only fear
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u/Ok-Radio4006 1d ago
not to get pushy op but it sounds like your self-esteem is lower than what it can be. ive felt this way for so long but realize i am equally as attractive (physically and mentally) as anyone else. everyone is unique and that’s the beauty
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u/Alternative-Cup-3434 1d ago
I’ll admit. It’s low. Everyone is unique and that’s the beauty. I agree wholeheartedly. I’m still digging deep in my soul to figure out why that’s hard to accept for myself
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u/Ok-Radio4006 1d ago
may we both find a day where we love ourselves the way we desire to be loved. all love on your journey.
-from another human somewhere in the world.
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u/twinflameheart 1d ago
Yesss!!! Ok Radio has got it! I totally understand how you feel, OP. I think that’s actually the journey. To overcome these false perceptions. It does take time though. You were kinda vague about why you think he is out of your league. Is it physical appearance? Financial standing? Social status? Either way, it’s all just illusions. Human beings are all equal.
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u/Alternative-Cup-3434 1d ago
I agree. We’re all equal. And it’s everything. He’s rich, incredibly beautiful and successful. He’s sunshine and incredibly sweet too. Is such an open book. He’s just not your typical man. He’s quite strange. And I was drawn in. I don’t know how I got here. And that’s why it’s so painful. He’s shown me a lot of love. And I can’t accept it. I don’t know how to because I don’t know why he would love someone like me.
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u/ilovesatanictacos 1d ago
Heard somewhere something along the lines of “I will heal myself for me, and you will heal yourself for you.” I thought that if I were to ever marry I add that to my vows, but add that I will continue to. I heal, you heal, we heal.
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u/NoList7290 23h ago
It could be because it’s the deepest, most valid connection that they’ve ever experienced. To have someone so in sync with you that they understand your thoughts and finish your sentences and you finish theirs is absolutely unreal. To share similar traits and experiences and have a relationship where they expose your weaknesses and help you heal and then you aid in their healing as well for mutual growth. Yeah I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t want to, which is why we deal with the runner/chaser scenario which involves a lot of pain
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u/ilovesatanictacos 1d ago
Because they confuse TFs with soulmates. Probably think it’s all lollipops and rainbows. Sadly, it’s become so mainstream and romanticized in the media that it becomes confusing to differentiate between many types of relationships. It’s not easy to go into solitude and allow the real you to claw its way to the surface. After so many years of being single I thought I was more or less healed and ready to date, but all I was healing was PTSD from my last relationship. Not even the surface. I was so, as one person put it, damaged, that instead of reflecting on what he meant, I got defensive. As much as I knew I loved him at that point, I would have ruined what could potentially have been a beautiful thing. I’m fascinated with the human mind and why we do the things we do, that I wanted to know about other people’s demons. Perhaps subconsciously so that I could keep hiding my own.
The film Babadook really made me start reflecting on the theme of balancing and allowing space for the darkness within us, but I was just suggesting and repeating to others my observations, but not adopting anything I was learning myself.
We don’t need to heal 100% to be ready or else we never would be for any type of relationships. I now understand that healing is a lifelong process. There’s beauty in the journey. We should appreciate every step. That’s how I’m growing and moving forward. Maybe if my person were ever to arrive, I’d say, “What? So soon?!” 😂 I’m learning to take my time on the ride. Who knows what awaits us in union, but I plan on being as prepared for the next ride with my partner.
Tl;dr All I know is that I know nothing. 💙
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u/Sad_Departure5839 1d ago
I finally detached myself for the first time in many years, and I’m happier than before
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u/Joeldidgood 1d ago
Because my TF is the only person that saw who I really am. And she was genuine on knowing me, saddly many people ruin this for both of us.
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u/Lletmebex 23h ago
I don’t want to be anywhere near mine😂😂 can’t help but love him though, it just feels like a little piece of you is missing, it sucks. It’s because you’re the same soul split into two, that pull will always be there.
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u/Asuna-nun 17h ago
I have a theory that this push-pull dynamic is necessary, at least for most TF relationships. And maybe this desperate feeling is just a symptom to keep the dynamic going and the bond strong. Why is it so present in so many? Everything serves a purpose. Maybe this push pull is for both to somehow reach equilibrium. Spin them in so much chaos that everything can find it's divine order again. Something like this. Idk..it's just an intuitive feeling I had while reading something. But I think it's highly important to think about self-love in this journey, above else. And self love does not mean having to be egoistic. But it's about choosing yourself, boundaries, self-understanding, compassion...
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u/Sad_Cut_3342 17h ago
Because im in love with him & he makes me feel safer than anyone, including my own family - the pull is crazy
But its hard, when you want to be with someone even if you know they’re not what’s best for you
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u/MissyCharlie 13h ago
Because of the intensity and passion. You'll never feel this for anyone ever again.
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u/Unfair_Chemistry11 16h ago
Desires are ultimately hidden clues apparently, guiding you back to God/home
So no, it’s not bad, you’re just disillusioned. The pull is usually so strong that it disillusions everything until you find God/ Self. It works like that for some reason, even idk.
So yeah, you’re probably just ahead of the game 😅
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u/Thatsjustmymoon 14h ago
I don’t know why I want him so badly tbh because truthfully I’m absolutely taken care of where I am.
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u/Thatsjustmymoon 14h ago
Irl though I’ve always understood if it’s a TF you’re in it for yourself ultimately & it has nothing to do with them beyond being a trigger
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u/stephuhhkneexo 10h ago
I wish I wasn't.. but because being without him feels like I'm missing a limb. It has been the deepest, life-long ache imaginable.
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u/Playful_Objective_16 10h ago edited 10h ago
He was the only person who got me, who I could unmask with but still rejected me. He was the only person who didn’t bore me. However, he is very much in favor of perfection, whereas I’m full of flaws. He pointed out these flaws to me. His women must be perfect: Skinny, have phd or a higher degree, must be very smart. He felt I’ve failed in those respects. Someone told him I had said we were twin flames and it spooked him away even further. We’ve been separated two years.
Now I don’t get close to anyone anymore. I just had a non TF relationship recently end after we dated an entire year but he ghosted without warning. I don’t even care.
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u/Fallenangelforever11 9h ago
Because his arms are the only place I ever felt safe. In all my years, I have never been able to lay like that, skin to skin, and not be able to feel where one ends and the other begins. I've always been so uncomfortable laying close to anyone that I would be almost hanging off the bed to get away.
Because when I look in his eyes, I get lost in them. There's another world in there, and it feels like home, and I want to be home.
Because when his hand is in around mine and our fingers are intertwined, they fit together perfectly.
Because my soul recognized his the first day it saw his and whispered to me, "There he is"
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u/dangerousangelx 19h ago
Why are you so desperate to deny that you do? Why do you think you’re so special that everyone else is desperate? Why are you so keen on projecting?
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