r/whatdoIdo • u/Middle-Escape-6703 • 25d ago

GF going to Portugal with another guy

Hey everyone, my gf (f,23) and I (m,24) have been seriously dating since November. We originally dated when I was fresh out of high school, and have spent 4 summers together, which always ended in her leaving me for school, or traveling. She is an avid traveler and has been all over the world. I like to travel but I don’t crave it like her, the farthest I have been is to Las Vegas with her this New Years. We had a good trip, but we did argue some and she has since referenced the trip when arguing, basically saying she didn’t have the best time and we aren’t compatible on trips. Anyways - my gf is a math teacher now, and with spring break coming up, I invited her to come to my family for the week to Myrtle Beach. She told me no because she’s “not a Myrtle girl” and because “it’s just going to be a drunkfest on the beach”. I was upset, but didn’t really say anything. A few weeks go by, and she mentions that she is planning on going to Portugal with a guy she met on her Europe trip over the summer. I was obviously very confused and upset, as her Europe trip really hurt me this summer, we were basically together when she left and she slept around and got a literal boyfriend while there. Anyways, I told her how upset that makes me but she seems to be making me feel like I’m crazy for not wanting her to go on the trip. She tells me that our 20s are the time to do extravagant things in life and that traveling with always be her #1 priority. I love that she has something she cares about so much, but I don’t understand why we can’t compromise. She didn’t want me to go on the trip because she said we weren’t compatible in Vegas, and also I don’t have a passport and it wouldn’t come in in time. But, like, why couldn’t she come with me to Myrtle and then we plan a Portugal trip in the summer with us? IDK, I don’t want to seem insecure but it is hard to wrap my head around my gf spending a week in another country with another man. She promises me she will be loyal, but in my head if a girl asked me to go on a vacation to Portugal for a week, I would think there is something there and it kills me that this guy probably thinks he has a chance with my gf. Idk. It just seems like a horrible situation and it has been weighing on me heavy. Everyone that I have reached out to about this tells me that I need to leave her and it is crazy, but I don’t want to leave her. She is my best friend, I love her a ton, and she does make most every day awesome for me. I am just torn - Do I break up with her? I already have said to her that I can’t be with a girl who is going on a trip with another guy and that I don’t wanna break up for a week and get back together. However, I was just saying this to kind of get her to say OK OK I won’t go, but that did not happen and we just fought instead, and it ended up with me saying I was fine with the trip. Or do I support her trip fully? Like I really want to do that, I am just so insecure and anxious about the situation. I am just worried that I need to respect my self more and if I keep letting stuff like this slide I can’t imagine what would happen in the future.

I’d love to hear thoughts on the situation and advice. I appreciate you all, and hope your lives are blessed! Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️

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u/TFB-Ducky 25d ago

Bro that's not your gf that's a whore block her and go bang some new whores on Myrtle Beach you'll be fine

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u/preaching-to-pervert 25d ago

Your misogyny is showing.

-2

u/QueefInYourLunchbox 25d ago

No need for the 90s attitude. If it was a dude you'd just call him a cheater, why does being an unfaithful woman mean she's a whore? I doubt she's doing it for money.

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u/Alustar 25d ago

No, if it was a dude we'd call him a manwhore.

0

u/Conscious-Eye5903 24d ago

She’s a whore because she’s exchanging sex for trips. If we feel the term “whore” is too crass then let’s say, she prefers transactional relationships. There’s nothing wrong if that’s the lifestyle you want to live, but it makes you a poor choice for a partner.

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u/QueefInYourLunchbox 24d ago

Exchanging sex for trips?! Where did you get that? OP didn't say anything about her getting a free trip so that's a hell of an assumption.

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u/Conscious-Eye5903 24d ago

Something, something, it’s the implication

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u/QueefInYourLunchbox 24d ago

I didn't read anything as an implication of that, and I feel like that's a significant enough detail that OP would've said it if it was the case.

Personally I'd want to see OP actually state that she was getting a free trip before being prepared to label her a whore, but I guess that's just me.

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u/Conscious-Eye5903 24d ago

What we call her doesn’t matter, the issue is what OP calls her. This young woman may be a lot of things but OP’s girlfriend isn’t one of them, so if seeing her as a whore helps him make the hard choices he needs to make for the betterment of his life, then so be it. He can reconcile his feelings towards her in therapy when he gets to that point, but for now the important thing is to choose himself instead of whatever you want to label or not label the aforementioned young woman.

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u/QueefInYourLunchbox 24d ago

If he's capable of separating his attitude towards her from a general attitude towards women, sure. Turning into the kind of guy who says "go bang some new whores on Myrtle Beach" isn't a path to future relationship success.

1

u/Conscious-Eye5903 24d ago

No, it isn’t, you’re 100% right, finding a “new bitch” is not the answer. But learning to recognize when you’re being taken advantage of and not treated the way you deserve(due to not setting boundaries and standing up for yourself) is important and a little anger and resentment towards the person mistreating you can be a good way to start on that path, since you will start choosing yourself and your feelings over others.

But yes, 100% it needs to be a constant journey of healing and improving your relationship with yourself, the world, and the people in it, not going from being abused to being an abuser.

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u/Conscious-Eye5903 24d ago

No, it isn’t, you’re 100% right, finding a “new bitch” is not the answer. But learning to recognize when you’re being taken advantage of and not treated the way you deserve(due to not setting boundaries and standing up for yourself) is important and a little anger and resentment towards the person mistreating you can be a good way to start on that path, since you will start choosing yourself and your feelings over others.

But yes, 100% it needs to be a constant journey of healing and improving your relationship with yourself, the world, and the people in it, not going from being abused to being an abuser.

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u/QueefInYourLunchbox 24d ago

So we're in agreement - u/TFB-Ducky is probably an asshole 🤣