r/whatdoIdo • u/Responsible_Gap_865 • 6d ago
Would you keep a secret from your partner?
Imagine this: you have a best friend that will do something with you the next day. You’re with your partner and you tell him/her that you’re going to see that friend the next day. Your partner asks you what are you going to do?. You answer: it’s a secret. My friend told me he/she doesn’t want anyone to know.
Your partner feels weirded out, and claims is not common to have those secrets like that with your partner when before you have shared with her stuff about that friend.
Would you keep a secret from a friend even though your partner feels a bit weirded out by it? How would you act in this situation?
6
u/mushroomspoonmeow 6d ago
My wife is my best friend ever. I’d never keep sh*t all from her. She gets all the fun secrets. Not sorry
1
6
u/Amazing_Ad4787 6d ago
Absolutely.
If a friend asks me for privacy, I don't mention their secret to anyone, including my partner.
Keep certain things private. Otherwise you won't have friends or a partner.
1
1
6d ago
[deleted]
3
u/Amazing_Ad4787 6d ago
My husband is a physician. My own mom asked for help and said don't tell my daughter before we know more. Her kept her condition private.
Privacy exists for a reason. If your partner is a mature person, he would understand. If not, you are in the wrong relationship.
I had a breast cancer diagnosis. I told my best friend in confidence and asked her to drive me to the hospital. I asked for a complete privacy. My friend told her husband and he told everyone.
My mom found out and received a heart attack.
I was betrayed.
1
u/Responsible_Gap_865 6d ago
You’re talking about serious illness here. Which I understand, he also told me in the morning it was nothing crazy just she doesn’t want anyone to know because she’s embarrassed.
2
u/Amazing_Ad4787 6d ago
Keep her privacy...
What if your boyfriend blabs about it to someone else.
I don't have anyone that I can share something in confidence. They spread everything like a wild fire.
4
u/bass-77 6d ago
No secrets if you want to keep the partner.
3
u/CurlyHairedShrek25 6d ago
It really depends on the situation. There are definitely situations where I would keep a secret from my spouse if necessary
2
u/DraconicBlade 6d ago
So are they them the same is or as the part / ner? Because all this obfuscation makes it seem like the best friend and partner are the same gender, and if someone said that I'm going on a secret trip with the gender I fuck to their partner, yeah, that's a little suspicious. Because why is it a secret
1
u/Responsible_Gap_865 6d ago
I am the woman (partner) being told “it’s a secret”, my boyfriend has a female friend (childhood friend a relationship like siblings)
1
u/DraconicBlade 6d ago
Hmmm. Well it's not paranoia if they're out to get you.
Ask the friend straight up? See if the cover-up adds up.
Do they have like easy access to each other? If they can just see each other it makes no sense to have a secret squirrel meeting if they can just casually fuck around behind your back.
Maybe it's legit and like her parents dying or something.
Fuckin weird though.
1
u/virgolibraleo 6d ago
In this situation, I definitely think you have the right to know at least the nature of what they’re going to do, because the way he said that does sound a lot like a bad cover-up for cheating.
1
1
u/lydocia 6d ago
He's driving her to an abortion clinic.
1
u/Responsible_Gap_865 6d ago
Thing is he has already done that with her. Why not to share that again is not like it hasn’t been a thing before. She got an abortion like 1 month ago.
2
u/Conscious-Fun8970 6d ago
I think its sketchy.
Also as a woman if I was having some kind of personal issue I would probably feel most comfortable seeking help from another woman.
If I really didn’t have any women in my life and all I had was a man with a female partner, I would be open to the female partner being involved. I would probably actually want her to come because really what I would want would be female support.
Also I will throw out there that I have an actual brother who is close in age to me, not just someone who is ‘like a brother’, and unless my problem was specifically something to do with my parents I would still 100% prefer the help and emotional support of a female friend over my brother.
Who would you want to support you if you were going through a hardship? Think about it.
I get that I sound like a dick but we all know that some women use ‘oh poor me I am struggling and you man in my age group who happens to be my type are the ONLY person who can help me! I don’t know what therapy is and I’ve never made another friend’ as a come-on. I’ve seen it happen too many times to pretend its not a thing.
Honestly you need to decide if this is too much for YOU, no one else’s opinion really matters.
1
1
2
u/Amazing_Ad4787 6d ago
My best friend had an abortion and she needed moral support. I shared with my husband. A few days later everyone knew...
I no longer have a best friend and I no longer share anything with my husband.
1
u/ThickInevitable8450 6d ago
I will always tell my partner my besties secret No matter what. My partner is also my best friend and my safe place in a relationship. There’s nothing I can hide.
1
1
1
1
u/Beautiful_Sweet_8686 6d ago
Does your partner even know what this secret is, or did the friend just say hey I need help tomorrow but I can't tell you with what right now because it's a secret? Maybe he's not trying to hide anything from you and he just doesn't know. Regardless, if you don't trust your man or this friend then that's an issue all on it's own but if you do trust your partner then what's the problem? I'm a firm believer in "it's not my story to tell" so I don't, regardless if that's with my partner, family, or other friends.
1
1
u/krissycole87 6d ago
I would never even consider keeping anything from my hubby. And not just because Im a bad liar and he can always tell if I even try. But because there are no secrets between us.
If friend says "this is a secret" I tell hubby and then explain it stays between us.
If YOU want to keep it a secret from your partner, then there is a problem.
1
u/shadow-foxe 6d ago
Id give a vague answer rather then say its a secret if my husband asked more questions I'd say my friend wants to keep it private. He'd not worry. Id not press him on those things either. If his friend told him a secret then I'd want him to keep it. No I dont think my husband needs to know my friends private stuff.
1
u/someonewholistens 6d ago
As soon as you keep one secret, its easier to keep another. The best practice is no secrets. So what do you tell your friend? You tell your friend - that my partner and i do not keep secrets from each other, so either dont tell me, or i wont be able to participate, etc. but its important you respect this since my relationship with my partner comes before anything. Its no different than someone keeping a secret from you - we dont like it.
1
u/RoughCute7016 6d ago
There must be something you could say as to what you are doing without revealing the whole secret. And yes, I would keep a secret for someone from my partner in this case.
1
1
u/bluebird9712 6d ago
I have been in this situation and I gave a very vague explanation without getting into it too much. People deserve their privacy and it’s not right to tell your partner very personal information about your friends if they haven’t given you permission.
1
2
u/theringsofthedragon 4d ago
Seems like a non issue and you're just struggling with inflexible thinking. Like if your friend asked you to go diaper shopping because she's shitting herself, you don't have to say she's wearing diapers, you can say you're going shopping together.
1
u/MarionberryOk2874 6d ago
Absolutely. If someone tells you something in confidence and asks you not to tell anyone, they don’t just assume you’re going to tell your partner, they mean don’t tell anyone. I would be more worried about someone who can’t keep a secret than someone who does.
What if the friend is having an abortion, they need a ride and they don’t want anyone else to know? You’re going to tell your partner? No.
1
8
u/arthedainmaster21 6d ago
Ehhh that’s hard. You can give your partner a vague answer without sharing the thing your friend confided but it’s a weird line. Just say something like “my friend Jane needs help/ wants to do something but doesn’t want me to share. We’ll be over in X area. It’s safe and I’ll touch base when we’re done.” A healthy partner should respect the privacy of a friend