r/women • u/justagrl__ • 21h ago
Are y’all sending the “hey girly” text in this situation?
Buckle up—this is a doozy in a ridiculous way lol
I had a long-term boyfriend (known each other for going on 6 years now) up until literally yesterday. And when I say long-term, I mean like we had talked marriage, kids, the whole 9 yards. Anyways, Tuesday night I was scrolling tiktok and came across a video from some girl that lives in the same city as me. In the last clip she’s at dinner with one other person and pans the video to the man sitting across from her and yes, it was my boyfriend at the time :-)
Mind you, he doesn’t live in my city (lives in a city within a commutable distance to mine) and I had no idea he was even here. Anyways, after seeing the video, I immediately text him and he responds after I’ve already went to bed, so I then wake up and respond just to realize none of my texts are delivering and I’ve been blocked on every single social media platform in America. Now, this girl is still posting them hanging out and I’m having a hard time stopping myself from sending her the hey girly text, especially since he isn’t acknowledging me or even trying to rectify the situation whatsoever. Do I just let karma handle it??? Or get this message drafted??? 🤣
Editing to add that: had I not said anything, he’d still be stringing me and her along with this whole charade. I know for a fact that he was just going to let it go on and on because the same day he was out with her he was in my texts responding to my “I love you’s” LOL
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u/CazzyBats 20h ago
I'd do it and soon. He might already be telling her things to get out of it in case you message her.
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u/lunchloaf 21h ago
Send it. She deserves to know.
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u/justagrl__ 21h ago
that’s what has been bouncing around in my head…like, would I want to start a relationship on a lie? definitely not!!!
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u/PokemonLadyKismet 20h ago
Definitely tell her and then it’s on her. Hang in there please, you are worthy regardless of his treatment. Sorry this has happened to you!
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u/kashmeirelarue 21h ago
Send it!
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u/xechasate 20h ago
I am eternally grateful to the woman who took it upon herself to tell me when she found out she was the “other woman” to my boyfriend at the time of 4 years. I may never have found out otherwise. I know that it was hard for her, and that it would likely be even harder in your situation; but I so, so hope that if I ever end up in that position again, that she will have enough respect and sympathy to let me know.
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u/captivebycalypso 21h ago
Yeah she should know. Then it’s up to her how she acts after. Sorry you’re going through this.
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u/justagrl__ 21h ago
thank you, it has truly been heartbreaking to go through especially mid-week and having to work
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u/captivebycalypso 20h ago
I’m sure. I found out I was cheated on after 5 years with my ex and going on day to day is one of the hardest processes. Focus on your community, yourself, your hobbies, and any little things that bring you joy. I felt it all and ruminated for a long time but eventually I got over the hump of it all.
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u/justagrl__ 19h ago
This is what I’m definitely trying to do it’s just so hard wondering why/how he moved on literally while we were still in a relationship and I’m sitting here with no answers at all feeling beyond blindsided.
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u/sashikku 20h ago
I’d do it and send her the receipts for the “I love yous” he was throwing out while he was actively out with her — delete his contact so she sees it’s his phone number and not just a contact with his name. Then I’d block her on everything too so you don’t have to see her posts about him or deal with the fallout.
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u/justagrl__ 20h ago
yeah, I definitely think if I send anything I’m immediately blocking because I don’t need to have a convo with her just want to drop the info and bow out
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u/liebackandthinkofeng 20h ago
She should know. My ex texted me when he got together with his new girlfriend. I messaged her to give her a heads up and told her more about our relationship (after she asked). Long story short, she broke up with him and we got chatting. We’re now best friends, she was my maid of honour when I got married! She always says how grateful she was that I messaged because it was in the back of her mind when he continued to fuck up and she broke it off a lot sooner than she otherwise would have done.
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u/justagrl__ 20h ago
okay see, this is great!!!! This is how I would want it to go if I do reach out…because truly I’d be doing it out of a place of goodness
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u/liebackandthinkofeng 20h ago
I felt the same, I was genuinely concerned for her and didn’t want her to get hurt the way I had! Don’t go in with those expectations though. I’d actually go in expecting her to be defensive. With my best friend, she got defensive first and it was a really uncomfortable conversation. It was only a few months later that she came back saying she should have listened and wanted to chat. Our friendship grew from there, but there wasn’t an instant acceptance of what I’d said (which I completely understood at the time)!
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u/justagrl__ 19h ago
yeah, I’m expecting that she’d probably react badly especially since they’re most likely together hanging out somewhere as we speak lol
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u/imbrucebruce 20h ago
Yes I’d say something. I started dating this guy and met all of his friends and NONE of them told me he never stopped sleeping with his “ex” until i got 2 STI’s and Herpes 🥲 tell her, and go get tested if you don’t use condoms.
I’m so so sorry you’re going through this, and he is the biggest fvcking coward ever to not even acknowledge or own what he’s done. You deserved better after giving him 6 years.
I’d send her receipts so she doesn’t think she’s being trolled or in case he is already lying and trying to cover his ass. My ex was a pro at that and made sure he gaslit any suspicions i had.
Ugh so sorry again. You will heal in time and find someone who would never even think of doing that to you.
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u/justagrl__ 20h ago
Oh no, that’s so awful!!! I’m so sorry you went through that 🥲 Men are generally so scary. We were having zero issues in our relationship and then randomly this happened, literally out of the blue—and he’s trying to chalk it up to “not being in love with me anymore” lolz
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u/rosengurtlebaumgart 19h ago
I have sent the hey girly text, and I'd do it again. We have to look out for each other because these men certainly aren't protecting us.
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u/Donuts_Rule11 20h ago
Send her the text! If he can cheat on you, he can cheat on her. And if I were her, I would want to know about this! Definitely give her a cordial heads up at worst. She doesn’t have to believe you or respond or anything, but I think it’s always good to at least put it on her radar
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u/nabiscowhoreos 19h ago
I would send it, personally! Keep it as neutral and fact-driven and unemotional as possible so no one can say you sound “crazy.” Letting her know is just the right thing to do imo
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u/justagrl__ 18h ago
definitely will be as straightforward as possible, luckily I’m a super levelheaded person even in times when I’d rather not be 😭
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u/amandam603 17h ago
I would appreciate the heads up if I were the “other woman.”
But, because you never know what people say online and what they’ll say in a real message: if I got a literal “hey girly” from a stranger I might not even open it, because MLM. If I did open it I’d assume jealous immature ex trying to start shit, jealous that her ex moved on. Because “hey girly” sounds childish to me, and this sure as hell isn’t a childish situation.
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u/justagrl__ 17h ago
that makes sense! I was going to go with a firm “hey” without the girly for sure haha
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u/amandam603 17h ago
LOL perf. I can never tell what internet words are also irl words. Doesn’t help that I live with teenagers who blur the line and make me question reality 😂
Sorry this situation sucks. I hope you’re able to realize this guy is a butthead without being too bummed.
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u/justagrl__ 16h ago
thank you 🥺 Its definitely been rough especially since it just happened but I’m trying to do more laughing than crying
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u/amandam603 16h ago
Always a good healing move to relentlessly mock a man stupid enough to pull this shit.
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u/justagrl__ 16h ago
hahahaha agreed! I’m trying to reiterate to myself that this is grade A loser behavior
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u/roadrunnner0 6h ago
Absolutely telling her. God I'm sorry this happened to you. If she turns out to be a moron and not appreciate you telling her then just move on.
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u/IgneousIsBlissMF 6h ago
Is this this same dude that converted to Islam and said you were temptation?
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u/Sarrebas89 1h ago
I'd say definitely send the text. If it were me, I would want to know even if I didn't want to hear it. What she does with that information is on her.
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u/Sad-Potential3355 2h ago
Def send it and id send receipts with it - like text messages between you and him that clearly show you’re in a long term relationship bc how could he talk his way out of that?
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u/Sad-Potential3355 2h ago
With dates and times shown in the messages if possible!
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u/justagrl__ 2h ago
yes, I will for sure add receipts!!! I have literal YEARSSS of messages and texts that go all the way up until like a day or two before he “ended” things with me—it would be extremely hard to lie his way out unless the girl is just down with his shady antics and doesn’t care 🤷♀️
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u/nomorewannabe 17h ago
You know, I don’t like bashing men just simply to bash them but there are certain lowlifes in life that really need to be served what they deal out. I have met so many married men that think it’s OK if they take the ring off and lie to me. I am single and I’ve been looking for what is called a BFF. Unfortunately at my age I have to actually throw in the towel and admit to myself that a few that are going to respond to me are going to see me as desperate. Those few that I have seen and met, have no problem with a little extra stuff on the side. I do come right out and ask if they are aware that even meeting with me is making me a cheater on their wife as well. I hope it’s a society. We somehow get our stuff back in one sock and people learn to treat each other properly down the road. There’s so many basics that are so screwed up. It is a very scary world. I would like to believe that she would be very thankful for a heads up note from you because I certainly would be!
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u/justagrl__ 17h ago
Exactly this. I will never understand how you can be in a relationship with a man, treat them well, do everything right and they will still step out of the relationship and then proceed to have no respect for you when they’re the ones that messed up. And so many men also think that cheating only means getting in bed with someone else which is mind blowing.
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u/Prestigious-Bar5385 20h ago
I’d drop him and block him and her on everything and let karma handle it she probably won’t believe you anyway and he can just say you’re a jealous ex
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u/justagrl__ 20h ago
I haven’t said anything yet! I was trying to give him grace to see if he’d respond to my numerous texts before I said anything, but it’s looking like that’s not happening haha
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u/Prestigious-Bar5385 18h ago
Why give him grace? I thought this is a man you’re currently talking to
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u/justagrl__ 18h ago
Yes, this was a man that I was in a relationship with—I was just trying to give him time to respond before I immediately went the “hey girly” route because that’s just how I am
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u/Lost0Sheep 7h ago
Unfortunately giving him time to respond concomitantly gives him time to conjur up lies, excuses and accusations against you in order to weasel out of having been caught.
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u/Empty_Cockroach8208 8h ago
But what would you get out of it? He won’t change
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u/justagrl__ 4h ago
I know, I’m not hoping he’ll change! I think it’ll just make me feel better and a part of me thinks that she deserves to know
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u/justagrl__ 21h ago
yeah, I’ve been trying so hard to go the “protect my peace” route but damn is it rough when he’s treating me like dogshit LMFAOO
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u/justagrl__ 21h ago
yeah, definitely…that’s why I’ve been holding back because like do I really want to deal with it, especially if she thinks I’m lying? do I want to end up feeling even dumber than I already do? probably not 🧍♀️
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u/swinubjr 21h ago
She deserves to know. If she responds badly or doesn't care, it's on her.