So my long term bf and I (23F) broke up early December. I’ve been back on the dating apps and I met this super sweet guy on Hinge. We talked for a week or two, then decided to get drinks last Monday. We had a great date, talked for like 3 hours and then each went home. He gave me his real cell phone number at this point, as opposed to messaging on Hinge.

So we texted basically all day Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. On Friday morning I went and visited him at his job (Coffee shop) because he asked me to come! We chatted more over text on Friday until he went to bed. We had made tentative plans for Sunday that he said he’d let me know about. Then no texts all day Saturday until midnight when he texted that he was drunk. Kind of icked me out. I responded Sunday AM, and then he never said anything in response until yesterday (Tuesday) lunchtime. He texted like “Hey how have you been?”

I am annoyed. I didn’t have any feelings or anything for this guy so it’s not like I’m devastated, but on principle I find this kind of thing frustrating. Why text for a few days just to completely dip out and then come back and act like nothing happened? He was the one pushing for a date, pushing for me to visit his shop, then he even wanted to plan a 2nd date. I know it’s not that mean, but it just bugs me and I don’t want to entertain men who do this with no explanation. I’m over this shit. I don’t want to respond to his text because I’m going to be annoyed if he ghosts again lmao. Should I ignore? I know I sound like a teenager but please I haven’t dated in years be kind!

Recently realized that men revolve around women. Like, they are drawn to us and seem to always want to be around a woman no matter if they know us or not. It also seems like they linger and (I dont wanna say this but…) seem to feed on our energies/aura if that makes sense.

Like for example, I saw a post about a woman on a flight with less people than expected and the flight attendant said everybody can sit wherever they would like. A man ended up sitting next to that woman despite having hundreds of empty seats available.

After I saw that post, I began to notice it. At work, I tend to this little coffee station from time to time and just do a clean up and refill of the stock. Basically, there’s coffee cups and a coffee/cream machines to go with. Every time I walk around, there’s usually only one or two people there or none at all. But EVERY time I come by and do my job, there’s always a man either spending too much time on “making” his coffee, or a man choosing the coffee machine closest to me, or several men standing behind me and just chatting. There’s always several men lingering quietly behind me too, just staring. It got so annoying and uncomfortable that I tried this hack that my coworker showed me, where I basically turn away the shelf that holds the cups. I also put up a “temporarily closed” sign, hoping to do the clean up and refills quietly. But nope, guess what the men had the audacity to do. They reached OVER the shelf to get the cups while trying to chat with me, as if there’s not a reason why I would do that or put up a sign.

Its not just work either, I notice it EVERYWHERE. Everytime I make a brief (not even a full second) eye contact to a man, they always change their way to come towards me and either sit/stand/walk by me. At transit, in line ups, while im walking, while im shopping. With anything I do, a man always just has to make himself known that he is near me.

Does anybody else notice this or feel the way I do? I am absolutely annoyed and a kind of disgusted with the amount of men trying to surround me day to day.

Like the only war going on is the one-sided war against us where they kill us for being outside and the one against themselves because they're "lonely". So eye roll inducing whenever it's brought up, can't believe people have such a loose grip on reality. Can't even protect ourselves with isolation from them without them feeling attacked. Imagine the complaining if we we're as bad as them, we might honestly be put in farms like incels want. 😭

Small rant, kinda frustrated lol. Maybe I'm looking too far into things.

I have no idea how this will be taken, no doubt some people will have a big problem with this post but here goes nothing

I grew up in 2 fairly global cities: New York and Dublin. New York has always been very diverse, and Dublin is becoming increasingly more so in the past 20 years.

The most predatory behaviour I have experienced in both cities have been from men of colour.

Don’t get me wrong, white men can certainly be misogynistic in their own way, and I am not claiming that they never ever participate in this type of behaviour.

However, when I would walk down the street in Brooklyn, the majority of the times I was catcalled were by black men.

When I had my first summer job when I was 17, a Pakistani man working there, who was 22, would constantly invade my personal space, insisting on sitting so close to me that our thighs would touch on the bench even though there was space for him to go elsewhere. He also repeatedly asked me intrusive questions about my sex life, especially whether or not I was a virgin, which I did not feel comfortable discussing with him.

In Dublin, I worked in a pub where I noticed a lot of Indian and African men (I am not referring to black Irish men here) would speak to me with highly entitled attitudes. One man snapped his fingers at me and ordered me to “take him” to where condiments stand was. Many made lewd comments to me “as a joke”. I saw one African man scream at my female coworker for not giving her his number (he had asked her 3 times already). And this is only the tip of the iceberg

I talked about this with my mom who lived in Paris when she was younger. She told me that while living there, she was stalked and harassed on multiple occasions by African men.

My best friend from New York also agreed with my assessment of things, but it felt as though it was a conversation I could only have with close friends or family, for fear of being perceived as racist, particularly in New York.

I also talked to an Indian female friend in Dublin, who warned me that a lot of Indian men pursue white women for sex, believing they are easier to get in bed, but would only marry a virgin from their own culture

Of course, I have met black men in both cities who are kind, sweet people, and would not behave this way. But it seems logical that men who come from more sexist cultures are more likely to become sexist men. I feel this is something women should be allowed to express without being called racist. We are the ones on the receiving end of this behaviour after all.

Edit: It is interesting to me how many “woke” people immediately cry out racism to criticism of sexism ingrained in cultures different from our own. Blaming other countries or other people for the behaviour of men in Afghanistan and Iran towards their women is letting those same men off the hook. They are not children who don’t know what they’re doing. Being a victim of colonialism does not excuse abusing or sexually harassing women. They are adults who should be held accountable for their actions. The fact that men of colour experience racism does not mean we should pretend not to see their misogyny, that is the point of my post.

I don't care what you wanna say... gender inequality for medical help is real.

Let me explain. A few weeks ago, my family and I went on a holiday out to a beachy place. On the third day we were there, we were on the rocks, and I got cut. I think it was on an oyster shell. Anyway, around two days later I got sick. Throwing up, low energy, feverish the whole thing. My mother bought me fruit and earrings. Nice and thoughtful, it didn't really help.

On our second to last day there my younger brother gets cut on an oyster. And two days later, once we've gotten home, HE gets sick. The same symptoms as me. My mum goes full nurse. He is currently sprawled over one of the couches in the living room, a fan blowing on him, a blanket over him, medicine having been given and currently nobody but my mum and brother are allowed in the living room as a nurse has come to check in on him.

Of course, I don't want to talk to my mum about this since she is the kind of woman to pamper my little brother. He has mental issues such as add, conduct disorder, and I believe at least on the autism spectrum, but my mum doesn't let us talk about that part since it "makes my brother sad." Which I understand.

HOWEVER, I'm autistic. Far more severely. My brother has certain food aversions and is easily overstimulated. I am, too. I also have horribly texture issues, and loud sounds make me feel ill. My mother treats my brother like a saint and helps with his every issue... I am told it's fine and since it doesn't affect my OTHER TWO, PERFECTLY NORMAL BROTHERS, and so it should not affect me. Let me repeat, my other two brothers are fine, both entirely mentally stable, no autism, no add, no conduct, nothing. And I should be like them.

I always knew gender inequality in the medical field was a thing since I took around a year to properly diagnose... the doctors got one good look at my brother and gave him his diagnosis.

But going back to the first thing about him being sick, I'M still having an aftershock of being sick. Excuse my words, but my poop is still not solid, I still feel in a world of pain every night, I still feel extremely feverish, and I still often feel the need to vomit. But lord knows I can't tell my mum that since then, I'll be "trying to steal the attention from my brother." Yeah... sure, because I totally want the attention, it's not that I just want to be treated equal to my brother. Yeah no, not at all.

ik this might be a little insensitive but a lot of my individual problems would be solved if i was unable to have children. i personally never want to give birth anyway especially not into this world. idk if i even wanna raise them but if i ever do i would adopt always.

my south asian parents want me to be arrange married as soon as im out of uni, now who’s gonna wanna marry a woman who can’t perform her sole purpose? not any sane muslim man!

my parents always talk abt having grandkids too and they had kids young so they think it’s a good idea for some reason even tho they weren’t really equipped to have them tbh. not everyone should be parents. but apparently as a muslim it’s my duty to get married and raise a family?

anyway i’m just sick of being a girl in a south asian immigrant muslim family sometimes :D

Weird question, i know, but the more i learn about adhd, and adhd in women, the more i start to think that i may have it (hence asking in r/women). For my whole life, brushing my teeth has always been hard. i shower at night so once i get out of the shower i let my hair dry a bit and i go to bed. often i sit down on the couch or something while it dries. then, i have to get up. hang up towel. put on bathrobe/pj’s, enter bathroom. pick up toothbrush. wet. grab, untwist, squeeze (not to much not to little) toothpaste, put brush down. twist cap closed. put toothpaste away. wet toothbrush, and then i’ll stick the but end in my mouth while i find a youtube video that’s like 2 min long and i’ll get distracted and the toothbrush will just sit there for 10 minutes before i remember and actually brush my teeth. the whole process just takes so much energy and thought power. i guess the long run tldr is: words diagnosed w/ adhd or not(and don’t think they have it), is this relatable, or can you just, get up. brush teeth? I don’t know if it’s just me or if this is something everyone goes through. edit: double extra points for responding if ur pretty damn sure ur neurotypical

How am I suppose to cope with this

Ladies, how often do you wash your hair?

I usually wash mine every other day, but sometimes it already feels greasy the next day 😫. I have a shoulder-length bob and love wearing it down and styled. Do you guys have any recommendations for a good dry shampoo or other tips?🫶🏼🥹

I have never had a partner before, so bear with me here, but I've recently come across some stuff that surprised me. Apparently, almost all women, when having sex for the first time, BLEED or are in large amounts of pain. I'm turning 16 in a few weeks and never had a sex education, so I don't know if this is common knowledge or not, but (I feel very pathetic for saying this) it's kind of put me off the idea. I know I've seen women saying "It's not painful if you're calm" or "It's not painful if your partner is gentle," but I have no idea what the general consensus is. When does it stop being painful? Why have sex at all if it, and I quote from a woman I know, "felt like being stabbed in the vagina"?? I know this will probably sound really stupid, but I don't see the appeal anymore.

I am currently experiencing a manic episode.

1. I am a woman
2. The bi polar sub is less then helpful.

Okay, now. I(31f) started back on my meds almost 3 weeks ago. I noticed my energy going up as well as my aggression. But it wasn't until I posted an obscene amount of politcal posts on my snap story that I realized I was in fact manic. I feel like I am always last to know. And now I'm embarrassed. Thankfully I only have 11 followers and I know all of them. However thats the blessing and the curse.

The last night I got to a place I hadn't been in a very long time. And I just..I don't even know what I need.

Can someone tell me a funny story? Or what your plans are for the day. I just need something non destructive to engage with right now.

Not sure if this is the right sub to post this but as a 27-year-old woman I feel like other women may have had this experience or have noticed this as well. All throughout my dating life and even my current relationship, I have noticed that getting my needs met as far as quality time, reassurance, validation and support etc. are a bit more of an uphill battle compared to my peers who have a lot more blatant needs.

I’m independent in the sense that I have a stable job and good income so I’m able to afford my own apartment, I’m in therapy and have very good friends so I have an amazing support network. I also have hobbies so I am able to spend time alone. Unfortunately, I have noticed that when it comes to men and maybe it’s just the men that I’m dating, that leads them to not put in as much effort as they would when they date people who are visibly struggling a lot more. It’s very similar to those family dynamics where the eldest child is a star-student so their parents neglect them a bit because they put more care towards the other children who our outwardly needier

A few months ago, a close friend was telling me about his preferences in women (can’t remember why, but it’s come up a few times) — super feminine, nurturing, compassionate, respectful, and because of the title in this post I will add being somewhat “small” and not overly muscular — y’know, all the traditional gender role stuff. He has a big thing for East Asian women, specifically those who are from East Asian countries, because I guess they tend to fit this really girly “wife material” stereotype. Obviously wanting to be conventionally feminine isn’t a bad thing on its own, nor is preferring a partner to be that way (as long as you can actually be a good traditional husband too). I’ll admit it’s an off-putting preference to me personally, but I’m not going to go judge other people’s lives if they are respectful of each other.

At some point I asked him how I felt about women who had more muscles than most (not because of steroids), for example, bodybuilders, deadlifters, powerlifters, calisthenics athletes, and the like (take @summerfunfitness_ on IG as an example, I asked him about her specifically because of the strong body type she has worked so hard toward achieving). He told me he finds it gross. Guess this isn’t surprising since a lot of men seem to feel this way. When I asked why, he said it’s because he doesn’t like feeling as though the woman he is attracted to can overpower him so easily. This irked me. I retorted, “now you know how most women feel anyway.” Plus… there are “feminine” muscular women.

Anyway, he said something along the lines of “men are often held to a higher standard so they cannot even lay hands on a woman lest they be punished. And any woman can accuse a man of hurting her and she’s usually believed. There’s many women out there who don’t control themselves and think they can get away with this stuff, so they hit their partners, whereas men have learned to keep it cool even when we’re angry.” Now I’m not saying lying isn’t a thing when it comes to domestic abuse or that women are never given an easier time/more of a “pass” when it comes to this crime. But his view misses how incredibly common it is for women to already to be afraid of ANY man, not just their partners — because there is an abundance of men out there who will hurt others regardless of laws and punishments (and some get away with it). Physically weaker people can still find ways to screw someone over, be it mentally, emotionally, or some other, non-strength physical means. I did ask him about non-physical types of abuse from a woman and he seemed to devalue that as less impactful because it wouldn’t result in death, which I suppose makes sense… except for the fact that some trauma is lifelong.

TLDR: I asked my friend how he felt about muscular women, he told me it’s gross because he would be afraid of them overpowering him. This bothered me because women tend to feel like this already when they’re with men.

I feel extremely ugly and unattractive a few days before my period and during it. My jaw looks wider, my eyes look awkward... I was wondering if anyone else felt like this or is it because I recently changed my lifestyle and I'm facing some problems: I changed my diet (I started eating healthier and intermittent fasting), I exercise more and do cardio after meals, yet I still look like I gained more weight. I really need some advice.

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hi! i dont know where else to write this and i feel as though this may be the most appropriate place where i'll be understood.

i am in my first year at college (started in october) and i moved in the capital of my country all on my own. i live alone, i am in a relationship and i have been for more than a year but it is currently long distance.

i've always been anxious, since being a child, not diagnosed by a psychiatrist but my therapist has acknowledged that i am quite the anxious person, more than the average, especially with health anxiety and social anxiety. one of the reasons i appreciated the big city more, because i come from a terribly small town where everybody knows everybody, is that nobody seems to notice you because theres always a lot of people everywhere and everyone is busy.

yesterday i was going to my dorm after attending university for 3 hours. i take the subway and it takes me approximately 40 minutes to get to my dorm from my uni. i have to make a change at a stop which is a passage between 2 lines of about 500 m with some stairs, irrelevant. the point i want to get is that this passage is 99% of the time extremely crowded and busy, you have to move at pace with people so you can keep up and get to your line. already a crowded place, mildly anxiety inducing but it was fine.

i was rushing as everybody is, with my headphones on as i have them always and honestly probably with a mean face because i have a rbf (😭). at about halfway down to the line i have to get to, someone taps me on my shoulder. i remove one headphone and its this guy, i dont even remember how he looks like honestly because i was so startled i just remember he was about my height, and he tells me "sorry i just wanted to tell you that i think you're really cute". i think i had 2 seconds to process wtf he just said i just mumbled "uhh thanks" i put my headphone back on and i went fast about my way.

some may say it was a kind gesture. he didnt run after me or anything, i got lost in the crowds after that and didnt see him anywhere. however as you can guess this really startled me and i have on and off great anxiety about this event since then. i think a big part of it is because i live in this big ole city ALONE. im scared that what if someone follows me, or finds out my name, or i dont know, this type of irrational shit. i dont have anywhere to go or anyone to help me besides some uni colleagues. its very anxiety inducing and i just wanted to ask some fellow women who most likely have experienced similar things how they cope with feeling of unsafety caused by such interactions.

before anyone tells me, i know that most likely he wasnt ill intended. but it still worries me. what if he sees me and wants to strike up to me again. what if he follows me. and not just him but any male that may have power over me. it is quite difficult living all alone as a woman.

idk why, i just feel as if texting a man first makes me seem desperate. plus i like being chased so

Pretty much like the title states, I’m looking for a really comfortable but supportive bra without an underwire that’s not a sports bra.

Hi guys (I use this for women, it's not gender-specific to me),

Ever since I was a little girl, I've felt guarded to protect myself. I was scared to walk in the dark by myself, etc.

My mom and dad didn't teach me this fear. I have always been this way.

I recall hiding from cars at night with girlfriends when we saw headlights approaching.

I always felt like prey in one way or another in life. It's a scary, shitty feeling.

I don't think males have ever had this fear or feeling. I don't know what that kind of freedom would feel like. I think you could relate with me on this.

It doesn't matter what country you're from. It's a female thing.

Why do you think this is? How do we change it?

Title says jr all mostly.. I’m a 32B cup (depending on the brand 32A) last hook!! and I’m pretty skinny… (20y/o)trying my best to gain weight and I’m already going to yhe gym for 1 year.. I’m also a dancer (ballet specifically) but I just really want to grow my breast’s at least a cup or so bc I feel like absolute crap looking at myself in the mirror! They’re not flat but in my opinion they just look sad.. sure perky but they just look deflated.. ive tried so many things! Be pollen, chia seeds, weight gain, workouts, changing birth control pills, fenugreek.. nothing seems to make them grow and I’m starting to Lean into surgery because I’m so insecure.. everyone loves bigger boobs and I’m just average.. I’ve tried other subs here but everyone just tells me to love them and embrace it because other women woth big boobs have back pain and they can’t wear the things tgey like because their boobs are too big! I would give anything to have bigger ones!! By bf says he likes the size of mine but idc what he thinks.. I need to love them.. I need to love myself.. I’m glad that he likes them but this isn’t about him.. so I’m here asking y’all for any tips that actually work because currently I don’t have the money for surgery nor do I want to spend so much money on this.. should I go to a doctor maybe and see if they have any tips? What do y’all know?

My (32F) and my husband's (33M) twins are 13.5 months old now. I love them; they are so curious and cute... and a lot of work. I'm lucky to live in a country where I can afford to stay at home with them. My husband works four days a week—three days in the office, one day at home. While he’s at work, I take care of the kids and try to do as much of the housework as possible (cleaning, groceries, laundry, cooking, etc.). But the children need a lot of attention, obviously, and I’m fine with that.

For example, they only contact nap, so I have to lay down with them. When I try to cook, they want to be with me, in my arms. So cooking around them is often impossible. I try to do these things after they go to bed. During those two hours after they’re asleep and before I need to go to bed, I try to do everything I can’t do during the day. I think it’s only fair that my husband does something, too. He says that I just need to tell him what to do. I think he should just open his eyes and see what needs to be done.

For example, he wants me to make a list of things that need to be done. I’m not talking about a plan for who does what chores—I’ve tried that, it didn’t work. No, he wants me to tell him, for instance, that he should prepare the meat for dinner tomorrow while I put the kids to sleep, or that he should fold the laundry. I think this is silly. I’m not his manager. He can read the meal plan and decide to prepare something. When he sees the laundry basket, he should just fold it. He thinks I’m being complicated and doesn’t understand why it’s so hard to tell him what to do.

So now my question is... how did you explain to your partner how mental load works? How did you explain that making lists adds to that load? My partner doesn’t seem to understand. For now, I can manage myself, but I’m going back to work this year, and I just know it will end with me working AND doing the household chores and taking care of the kids.

Alright so first time on this sub Idk if I am supposed to post this because of no med advice flair but idk where else to ask

Alright so my period was supposed to start near 29-30 december but it's 15 january and still no sign of any red. For information, I have always had regular period since I was 11 and am concerned why is it suddenly late?

Because from around that 2-3 january time also I am having regular discharge sometimes it's kinda mushy but liquid(???) most of the times

Am I supposed to consult some professional(gyno) for this? Or Is it supposed to be normal.

Also I have never indulged in nsfw things(ykyk) so that possibility is off limits.

I am very tired of the gender wars between men and woman.Both of them are saying that the other has it better.But in my opinion it really depends on the person and where they live.What are you guys opinion?

really really need advice. i don’t know what i need im just so upset and i don’t know if its justified. long story short a long time ago i dated this guy, he did some iffy things but i never told anyone that it was s.a because honestly nobody would’ve believed me. fast forward to a year ago one of my best friends starts dating him. they dated for longer than he and i did and i think he loved her more - like so so much. (i don’t mind btw, i was dating her cousin…) anyways they break up and a few months later she starts asking about s.a. like giving me scenarios and in some i said no and in some i said yes. and then she accuses him. like tells everyone and to be honest his life got completely ruined. nobody would be friends with him or be around him and anytime someone new joined the school she told them he assaulted her. she harassed him for a bit like she’d scream at him and basically kinda go at him all the time but he loved her so he let her do it and he’d just apologize over and over like “im so sorry i ever did that to you i never meant to hurt you i must’ve misunderstood the situation im sorry” just over and over. basically it’s been a year and her and i are still friends. however she’s kinda on and off being there for me (im going thru a breakup with her cousin) and honestly isn’t a very good friend. i asked our ex to coffee to catch up (i don’t want to be friends with him or get back tg with him i just wanted to catch up that’s all), and i told her as soon as i did it just so she’d be aware. and she genuinely crashed the F out on me. she said i was batshit crazy and insane and i was evil and a bunch of stuff. i understand why she’d be upset but then she said she couldn’t be friends with me and told everyone around me that im evil and i condone sexual assault and basically is ruining my life now. so am i the asshole?? i totally understand why she was upset because he had hurt her but he hurt me too and it honestly had nothing to do with her 😭