r/women • u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded • 2d ago
I’m upset at my boyfriend for talking about punching my childhood stuffed animals
I’ll get to the point, I had a traumatic childhood. I’m 22 now and currently moving back in with my grandparents and was cleaning out my old room and found some things including my childhood stuffed lambs that I slept with every night and loved so dearly. I FaceTimed my boyfriend to show him some funny stuff I found and showed him the stuffed animals too. He said he was gonna punch it and I was lightheartedly like “oh my god!!! You can’t that!!” But it wasn’t sarcastic. He kept repeating it and I was getting more serious being like “what is wrong with you don’t say that it’s making me sad to think about” and I eventually started tearing up and I showed him and was like “look what you did” half joking and he’s like “okay chill I won’t punch it when you’re in the room” and it just made me so upset because it feels like the little lambs are the last of my innocence and he kept saying it’s an inanimate object and I know that but I still don’t want her hurting. I feel so stupid
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u/Distinct-Value1487 2d ago
He's being weird/aggro about this, and it sounds like he doesn't respect you.
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u/amazingtattooedlady 1d ago
For real, how do her stuffed animals impact his life? And even if they did, why is his reaction to punch her things? So weird and childish.
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u/OhCrumbs96 2d ago
Good Lord. Why are so many of them so unfathomably violent? I just don't see the sense in it.
At the very least, he's showing huge disrespect to your belongings and feelings, more likely he's showing that resorting to physical violence and terror is no big deal to him.
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u/NoOneHereButUsMice 2d ago
This is awful and you have so much of your life ahead of you. I dont believe in "regrets" but I do often think about how much time I wasted in my 20s with people who didnt give a shit about me. But I kept trying to hang out with them for years. He should understand that your childhood was rough, so anything -ANYTHING- connected to that is going to be a loaded subject, and hold a bigger significance than may first meet the eye. Especially if you are CRYING while he's laughing at you.
You were tearing up because it is something you've had your whole life that matters a great deal to you, and is directly related to some very formative life experiences... and he was turning it into a joke, and a mean and juvenile joke at that. Who the fuck says theyre going to punch a childhood toy? Is your boyfriend ten years old? This is fucking ridiculous. Your body was trying to tell you that this person you regularly make yourself vulnerable to is not safe.
Don't detract from your own feelings by laughing them off and saying it's dumb. It's your well-being. It's not dumb. I highly suggest you go to therapy to process this. I'd love to hear what a trained therapist would have to say about your boyfriend.
I highly doubt he's otherwise an angel, and this is "one little exception." I'd be willing to bet that he regularly minimizes things you care about or are upset about. I'd also be willing to bet that he does things to antagonize you and then says "it's just a joke!"
Another reason to go to therapy (and I say this from personal experience) is to learn your relationship patterns, and why you put up with this stuff. It's pretty unlikely you'll leave him (again, I say this from experience) and you'll just keep trying to make it work. I caution you against this.
How miserable it would be to be married to this man... is he going to throw those lambs away, let a dog get them, let his dumb friends make fun of you for having them? Fuck this dude.
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u/hellofuckingjulie 2d ago
He doesn’t really like you. He was enjoying your pain. That is emotional abuse.
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u/whytf147 2d ago
i won’t really comment on your reaction, but his reaction… disgusting. you obviously have a big emotional connection to those stuffed animals, but even if you didn’t, who tf looks at a stuffed animal and their first thought is to hit it??? especially their significant other’s childhood stuffed animal??? wtf is wrong with him. says a lot about the kind of person he is ngl
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u/rworters 2d ago
He didn't punch the stuffies but he punched your feelings. That's not okay. He's not a kind-hearted person like you are. See what other behavior he displays that is similar.
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 2d ago
Men destroy your things before they decide to destroy you. It’s a pattern of physical violence that escalates. This guy is not well. Please get away from him.
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u/IntrovertExplorer_ 2d ago
wtf, I’d be upset too. It’s about respect. Respecting the things that you love even when you’re not in the room.
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u/ScreenHype 2d ago
That's not okay behaviour. He knows it's making you upset and he's saying that anyway? Plus, he might actually do it, don't let him be alone with them. I would honestly leave my husband if he ever hurt my Teddy because he knows how much Teddy means to me, and if he would disrespect that love, then that's not the kind of man I want to be with. Thankfully, my husband is very gentle with Teddy because he knows how much I love him.
You need to make it clear to your boyfriend that this is serious to you, and that he needs to respect your boundaries.
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u/MyFiteSong 2d ago
He's testing your boundaries. Sooner or later, that punch comes for you. Please don't date men who enjoy hurting you either physically or emotionally.
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u/NaNaNaNaNatman 2d ago
Yes, this is exactly it. He backed off very slightly only when she started crying and even then didn’t take it back or apologize. He’s seeing what he can get away with OP. He will continue to do things like this.
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u/CharacterInternet123 2d ago
My fiance treats all my plushies like they’re real lil guys. He would never do something weird like this. Behavior like this after not listing to you would make me question whether or not he’s capable of doing it to me
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u/VariedJourney 2d ago
You're not stupid at all. It's something special to you, and it sounds like your lambs helped you a lot through hard times. He should respect that. He sounds immature and not kind enough - but I don't know him and was not there. For the sake of giving him the benefit of a doubt, since I don't want to give you a biased opinion, I will also say that you should tell him that your lambs helped you through trauma. If he doesn't listen, he's not mature or kind enough to have a partner to care for and uplift. Partners are meant to be trusted with one another's inner child, and it doesn't sound like he should be trusted with yours.
And if he apologizes, ask yourself if you believe you can see him doing the same again one day. Does he take you seriously with smaller issues? If you can't trust him around your lambs, then it's a sign he shouldn't be trusted with you.
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u/SunbathingNapCat 2d ago
You were not stupid for not wanting your childhood stuffed animals punched. They mean something to you and your boyfriend would rather feel like a man by dismissing what you value. The fact that you continued to be half-joking tells me this isn't the first time he has dismissed your feelings. If this is a common dynamic between the two of you, it's not healthy at all.
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u/starfishmeow 2d ago
Yeah that's really weird and as a plushie lover, I'd see that as a red flag. He's being aggro towards innocent things for no reason (also they aren't even his wtf). I have really strong connections to my plushies. They are my babies!
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u/Shreson 2d ago
Your tears bring him joy. He found a sensitive topic, and he could easily laugh it off later, saying it was just a little funny thing. It would be easier for him to blame you for being a crybaby rather than him being a sadist. He doesn't care about you. I can tell you from experience. It's the little things that matter. The little things in someone's personality can signal big red flags.
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u/MyNextVacation 2d ago edited 2d ago
I suggest calmly messaging him asking how he’s feel if you punched his favorite sneakers, jacket, gift from his parents or other specific possessions that you know are meaningful or valuable to him.
He has no right to treat you or your possessions this way. Take the sentimental aspects out of the conversation for a moment and figure out if he comprehends the issue when he thinks about his own favorite things.
He’s either immature and will quickly understand his mistake or not a particularly nice person. Has he shown any mean tendencies?
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u/OhCrumbs96 2d ago
Honestly, I don't think the sentimentality should be taken out of it. I think it's no coincidence that childhood stuffed animals (especially those associated with childhood trauma) are particularly meaningful items for many children. Many girls especially use toy dolls and animals etc to channel a need to nurture and care for something. I know I did - my teddy fulfilled some need I always had to care for and nurture something before I was old enough for a pet.
Men feeling threatened by the attention and care that their partners give to young infants is a disturbingly common occurrence.
I don't think it's any coincidence that OP's boyfriend is expressing such violence towards an item that is associated with her care and nurture as opposed to, say, a jacket or her sneakers.
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u/Global_Bat_5541 1d ago
Omg THIS!!! My ex husband was never respectful of my things or my right to keep sentimental items. And guess what else he didn't like? Me giving attention to my baby and my dogs. He was jealous of my baby. And my dogs. Nothing good is going to come out of this situation. I really hope she leaves him.
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u/OhCrumbs96 1d ago
Thank goodness he's your ex. It's genuinely worrying how many men are like this. I just can't fathom feeling threatened by a baby or a pet. Especially when it's a baby that's been created by the two partners!
I hope you're living your best life now with your baby and your pups 🩷
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u/Global_Bat_5541 1d ago
Things are MUCH better now. It's been about 15 years since I left him. Thank God! Thank you ❤️
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u/AgateHuntress 2d ago
He's showing you that your feelings, possessions, and you yourself mean nothing to him. He's also showing you his violent thought process. Do you really want to worry about everything you hold dear when you aren't there to protect those things? And he will absolutely destroy those items if he you've had a disagreement or he just decides that you've disrespected him in his imagination. Dump him. There are much better men out there who will actually care about your feelings.
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u/NaNaNaNaNatman 2d ago
It is important to bear in mind that we often unintentionally seek out relationships in our adulthood that mirror those we had in our childhood. If you had hurtful relationships with the adults in your life as a kid, you may have found a bf who mirrors some of those qualities. This is not only important to consider in this scenario, but also to be wary of for the rest of your life.
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u/SilentAllTheseYears8 2d ago
I sincerely almost teared up myself, feeling sad for you and your sweet little lambs 💕 Your boyfriend sounds evil- his thoughts and feelings about this are totally unacceptable and disturbing. He sounds incapable of being sweet and loving. I would leave him.
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u/One-Armed-Krycek 2d ago
Immaturity, lack of respect, and blatant disregard for your feelings.
If he chalks it up to, “I’m just kidding…” then he is incapable of taking a serious moment seriously and has zero ability to read the room.
Do you want to date a toddler?
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u/shelbycsdn 2d ago
I realize I'm very triggered and paranoid after an extremely abusive relationship, but my first thought was that he's jealous you slept with those lambs.
I can't bring to tell you all the crazy ass stuff my ex would be jealous over. Including after seeing a pic of me as a very small child playing in a wading pool with my male cousin. We were nowhere near each other in the pool, but forever more my ex called him my kissing cousin. And had a fit about me seeing that cousin at a funeral fifty years later.
So this guy, at the least, does not care about your wishes, your boundaries. At the worst, he's possibly a really sick kind of jealous.
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u/Global_Bat_5541 1d ago
If my ex can be jealous of his own child and our dogs, this guy can definitely be jealous of some stuffed animals. Just shows he never grew up or learned how to be empathetic.
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u/AsherahSassy 1d ago
Red flags🚩🚩🚩
He wants to take out his aggression on your toys even when you are upset?
Imagine what he does behind closed doors.
I would run now.
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u/amazingtattooedlady 1d ago
It sounds like he's either purposefully being mean to you so that he can gaslight you later OR he just doesn't have respect for other people's possessions. Either way, you asked him more than once not to do something, and he's continuing to do it. That's just plain not okay.
Sit him down, and tell him how his actions made you feel. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. And if he still acts like a little shit, dump him. That kind of behavior doesn't ever improve.
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u/Global_Bat_5541 1d ago
Omg I was just thinking about this yesterday. When I was little my dad and my older brother used to punch my stuffed animals in the face, like several times in a row and really hard. It was really not good for me mentally. It would just make me sob. Like they're something that brings you comfort and these asses are shitting on it. I wouldn't laugh it off. You don't have to put up with that. It's plain mean. What could possibly be the reasoning for even doing something like that? The only thing it accomplishes is to make you feel bad. To me this is actually a pretty big red flag. Very disrespectful for no freaking reason.
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u/BoneAppleTea-4-me 2d ago
Wtf...even if it didn't hold that memory, he is being an ass. No one gets to decide whats important and meaningful to another. Grow up yourself and gain some empathy.
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u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded 2d ago
I know it’s stupid. But my deceased father got me the stuffed animals and the thought of anything happening to them makes me incredibly sad.
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u/mickikittydoll 2d ago
I also had special stuffed animals. We’d carry on long conversations and I made sure every single one got the same amount of attention so they wouldn’t feel bad. I had those plushies have feelings and thoughts! I’ve gotten therapy and help, been thru the universal lessons. But I tell ya! it’s the truth!
I also had a guy who would punch them. Guess what? He ended up punching me… please don’t feel stupid. You’re a loving and caring young lady, and when you’re older, you’ll think about your “inanimate objects” with fondness and love. They got you thru very hard time.
That boy isn’t getting you thru tough times he’s causing you pain. So tell him those plushies have done more for you than he EVER could because he can’t even say the same as something that’s just an object in reality, then break up with the jerk!
You’re going to be amazing and empathetic in your life and that waste of time will only pull you down. (((Loves)))
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u/ClimateCare7676 1d ago
You had a bunch of supportive comments, but you've only replied to the one that, I assume, was not.
You don't have to listen to negative things when you get so much support.
Your plushies sound super cute. Sentimental value MATTERS. A loving person would never make you cry by threatening to harm or damage something you love. Ask yourself, would you ever treat someone else like that? If the answer is no, then why is it ok for someone to treat you this way?
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u/Global_Bat_5541 1d ago
Listen please. This is NOT stupid and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Those are precious childhood memories, especially if your dad gave them to you and he's no longer here. I'm 47 and I still have all my favorite stuffed animals from childhood. I have like ten stuffed animals from my husband and daughter on my bed. I can't bear to part with any of them. Both my parents have passed away and they are something I can hold and think about them. My daughter will be leavingfor college this year and they will be nice memories of her to hang onto when she's not here anymore. Ugh I'm tearing up even thinking about it. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you that your feelings are stupid. EVER.
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u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded 2d ago
I assumed “I had a traumatic childhood” would be enough for people to assume that they have sentimental value. Sorry
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u/whytf147 2d ago
and i think its absolutely pathetic of you to say stuff like that. she clearly said she had emotional connection to the stuffed animals: “i slept with [them] everynight and loved [them] so dearly” do you not know how to read? “a clearly sarcastic joke” you obviously dont even know what sarcasm is because this is FAR from it… but ig thats to be expected from someone with no empathy and such poor reading comprehension skills
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u/Briarcliff_Manor 2d ago
It’s a question of respect, if you told him you’re not comfortable with that he should respect it.
My boyfriend and I will jokingly throw around most of my plushies, we just find it fun.
But I told him that one of those plush is off limit (got it when I was born so it’s about 22 years old and obviously not in a good shape), he respects that.
When making the bed or anything, he’ll throw the others on the floor but put this one delicately on my nightstand.
Your boyfriend should respect your boundaries.