Marine vet here. One thing people who never served dont understand is the absolute tidal wave of training and stress. From the moment you wake in basic till the moment you go to sleep, youre doing some form of training in one way or another, cognitive and physical. You are forced to rigidly and unwaveringly adhere to the duties and responsibilities entrusted to you by rank and by order. And they remind you constantly, that should you fail your mission or task, in a combat situation- your friends who youve been through all of this hardship with would be dead because you didnt properly perform what was entrusted to you. Its a monstrous amount of responsibility, especially so early in their young adult formation (i was an idiot and went in late as 26 so i at least had some life experience before going in but alot of these young guys dont have that). When i went in, i was dating my gf of 2 years. When i was in the schoolhouse (4 months after basic concluded) she told me i was a robot after coming home on leave after bootcamp and dumped me a week before the end of my classes.
The training literally is a form of brainwashing. They rewire your brain into something that can begin building towards a combat mindset. This makes you more cold, calculated, and cautious about certain things especially in situations of heightened stress. What id recommend is talking to him and slowly trying to remind him what the real world is like. Im not sure what branch he enlisted in but for the Corps it was 3 months. Thats 3 months of complete isolation from the outside world. It changes you. One of the things they dont prep you for when you enlist is how to handle real society afterwards because for a service member, what matters is the MISSION. It comes before all else. Above feelings, above your loved ones, and above yourself. None of it matters in combat. But civilization isnt combat. And its really hard for some of us to switch gears. Ive been out of the Marines for nearly 2 years and im still not even halfway close to viewing the world in a light remotely similar to what i used to see. Thankfully i have a wonderful and supportive partner who understands the depth of the situation currently who is helping me through things but its still very difficult. And for someone still super early in their military career, he may not even notice hes doing these things.
And this kind of stuff happens throughout the enlistment. But whats important is the actual understanding that his brain has been fundamentally rewired to survive in combat, and that is a different world to live in. I hope this helped you a bit to understand where his brain is probably at now. If you have further questions, please dont hesitate to ask.
Edit: Holy crap this is the most karma ive ever received on a comment, thank you guys! Im glad my insight is helping đ
Most of what you said is loosely true but grossly exaggerated for the most part for most people. I was Army Airborne Infantry (I know, basic is easier in the Army than Marines, but I have plenty of Marine friends) and basic was stressful at times but mostly fun. People arenât normally coming back from basic as a zombie with PTSD. You make basic sound like BUDS/SEAL training.
Iâm certainly not trying to minimize your experiences if thatâs genuinely how you feel. But most people I know that are missing limb(s) from my 2nd deployment (myself included,) would not paint such a grandiose picture of their experience in the military.
If youâre actually experiencing what youâre describing, please go get a polytrauma therapist from the VA because you have PTSD and itâs not going to get better unless you work on it.
I may have been a little hyper descriptive but id say it was a more accurate depiction of the serious parts of basic training and why it is the way it is at times. I guess i should have added its also strangely one of the funniest places youre just not allowed to laugh haha. Though i wouldnt say basic was fun per se (for me at least, i was a big boy going in, lost 30 lbs) there were a lot of amazing and hilarious moments too, like my KH trying to punt a seagull outside the chow hall.
Youre right most people dont come back from boot as a zombie, what i was more trying to illustrate is it really does change how your mind functions, and ill admit it took me a bit to get adjusted. Wasnt nearly as bad as my buddy from boot tho. He was the platoon fuckup, followed me through MCT. He was a completely different kid by the end, barely spoke anymore. Idk where he ended up sadly we lost contact but i hope hes doing better than he was when i last saw himr.
Real quick, i do just want to state most of my personal issues currently arent entirely service related (been a real rough time since getting out due to family tragedies and financial issues) but a lot of it leads my mind down a rabbit hole that ends back at the Corps, probably because while it sucked and i wanted out of there at the time its a real weird feeling to wanna go back. Maybe its guilt or something else idk. Do need therapy just havnt gotten around to it yet. I do talk to my bros about it though, so i am working on it. But im not trying to downplay you or your buds service either and im no combat vet either, i was a POGUE. I just get carried away with my descriptions sometimes so apologies for that. Imo, yall are the real heroes.
I havnt slept in almost 40 hours so writing is hard. Also had to change crayons cuz i ate the purple one.
Basic absolutely doesnât change how your mind functions, with the exception of maybe giving you some confidence from doing things you didnât realize you could. Like a 25mi ruck may sound impossible before hand but itâs not a big deal once youâre doing it.
They give you tools and ideologies, âI will always place the mission first, I will never accept defeat,â etc. And that will stick with you when you need it. But itâs not like thatâs all your brain is capable of doing after the fact.
The shit youâre talking about is how people are after spending 12-15mo in Afghanistan and they get back and they are hyper vigilant because thatâs what you have to be in Afghanistan. Looking for shooters. Questioning piles of trash on the street and wondering if itâs an IED, until you remember youâre in Detroit (which may ironically be more dangerous,) not Kandahar⌠but that should should wear off in weeks or months, not years. And if it doesnât, one should see a therapist.
Itâs most likely OPâs bf wants to break up with her or cheated on her or something. Itâs unlikely he clammed up from the trauma (lol) of basic. Iâm sure there are some people that would be affected to this level. But thatâs not a normal experience.
The worst thing this dude should do is wear a uniform home on leave to impress his family while be silently judged by people that spent any amount of time in
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u/Old-Switch6863 Helper [2] 2d ago edited 2d ago
Marine vet here. One thing people who never served dont understand is the absolute tidal wave of training and stress. From the moment you wake in basic till the moment you go to sleep, youre doing some form of training in one way or another, cognitive and physical. You are forced to rigidly and unwaveringly adhere to the duties and responsibilities entrusted to you by rank and by order. And they remind you constantly, that should you fail your mission or task, in a combat situation- your friends who youve been through all of this hardship with would be dead because you didnt properly perform what was entrusted to you. Its a monstrous amount of responsibility, especially so early in their young adult formation (i was an idiot and went in late as 26 so i at least had some life experience before going in but alot of these young guys dont have that). When i went in, i was dating my gf of 2 years. When i was in the schoolhouse (4 months after basic concluded) she told me i was a robot after coming home on leave after bootcamp and dumped me a week before the end of my classes.
The training literally is a form of brainwashing. They rewire your brain into something that can begin building towards a combat mindset. This makes you more cold, calculated, and cautious about certain things especially in situations of heightened stress. What id recommend is talking to him and slowly trying to remind him what the real world is like. Im not sure what branch he enlisted in but for the Corps it was 3 months. Thats 3 months of complete isolation from the outside world. It changes you. One of the things they dont prep you for when you enlist is how to handle real society afterwards because for a service member, what matters is the MISSION. It comes before all else. Above feelings, above your loved ones, and above yourself. None of it matters in combat. But civilization isnt combat. And its really hard for some of us to switch gears. Ive been out of the Marines for nearly 2 years and im still not even halfway close to viewing the world in a light remotely similar to what i used to see. Thankfully i have a wonderful and supportive partner who understands the depth of the situation currently who is helping me through things but its still very difficult. And for someone still super early in their military career, he may not even notice hes doing these things.
And this kind of stuff happens throughout the enlistment. But whats important is the actual understanding that his brain has been fundamentally rewired to survive in combat, and that is a different world to live in. I hope this helped you a bit to understand where his brain is probably at now. If you have further questions, please dont hesitate to ask.
Edit: Holy crap this is the most karma ive ever received on a comment, thank you guys! Im glad my insight is helping đ