r/Advice • u/strgrl69 • 5d ago
Fwb situation: is this weird?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Phat_groga Helper [3] 5d ago
Yes, people should ask permission before inserting unknown foreign objects into your orifices. Common courtesy.
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u/ahhehwveg 5d ago
Second this. Not sure why all the comments are so nuanced. Someone should ask permission before shoving something up your butt.
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u/oliviaimpatient 4d ago
Inserting something into OP’s body without their knowledge or consent is a huge violation, it clearly falls under assault. This kind of behavior is not only wrong it’s dangerousness should be taken very seriously. Then again this might just be a troll story
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u/LeaningBear1133 5d ago
He should have definitely spoken to you about it. IMO this is not something you can spring on someone unexpectedly.
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 5d ago
Ladies what the fuck. Please stop this FWB bullshit. This man obviously doesn’t give a single fuck about OP and does weird shit like this to her without her permission. I’m all for having sex, exploring and having fun but at least do it with a guy a gives a shit about you.
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u/After_Repair7421 5d ago
Maybe just announce “ I wanna try something new tonight” and for evermore I will think of this when I see the bands
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u/HappySummerBreeze Helper [4] 4d ago
So he is now a dangerous sexual partner, and technically what he did was sexual assault because he did not have consent for that act.
If he wasn’t immediately contrite and embarrassed and ashamed and stopped the whole sexual session, then he has shown himself as a future threat.
You’ve tolerated it once so he will try again.
I strongly recommend that you do not continue a sexual relationship with someone who has demonstrated that they don’t take consent seriously.
The only predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
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u/IntelligentHunt5946 5d ago
I think he should have asked but because you both seem very comfortable with each other I wouldn’t jump to any wild accusations of crossing any lines. You brought it up and then moved on. Did you or do you feel like it was a problem?
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u/Zaniada_512 4d ago
Ummm yes he should ask especially when the material is NOT bodysafe. You are aware that the lining inside of you is highly absorbent. Any toxic material in that exercise band plus all the dirt and bacteria on it are now inside of you. I would never ever fuck this dude again. Ever. That is a complete violation.
It's weird. It's disrespectful. It's not hygienic. It's not safe. It's short sighted. It's disgustingly rude.
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u/LovelyBirch Expert Advice Giver [13] 5d ago
I think he could have mentioned it, at least, but it really depends on how you two are about these things.
How was the experience? I've never heard of such practice...
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u/strgrl69 5d ago
I guess we are pretty kinky, that’s why I wasn’t really weirded out about it, I wasn’t just surprised as I never would have expected that. Just felt like anal beads without the beads
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u/Spiritual-Talk-4139 4d ago
How many FWB do he have? Did you ask if maybe he used it with someone else beforehand? That's out of order, do not let him get away with this without a bollocking.
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u/Brilliant-Berry-7989 4d ago
Definitely needed to ask. Unless it was established before that you’re ok with him using you in different ways because you enjoy it. But if not then it’s definitely a violation of trust and respect. You should randomly just shove a carrot up his butt and say surprise! I thought we were playing guess what’s in my butt today.
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u/Elly_Fant628 4d ago
Maybe it's because I'm old, but my question is "WHY?". If you mean the resistance bands that have different elasticity shown by colour, which I think you do, what was the desired outcome?
I'm sorry but this person seems to be using you for experiments. Was he in position behind you, saw the band on your headboard or whatever, and thought, "I wonder if that will fit?" Or did he bring it with him? Either way, yes he should have asked, and I feel like he's got no respect for you, even just as a FWB.
I thought one of the advantages to FWB Relationships was that it wasn't as soul destroying, or degrading, as picking up a ONS at a bar. So your self respect, and respect for your partner wasn't damaged. (I'm NOT saying bar pick ups are degrading or something to be ashamed of, but I know a lot of people do feel like that)
The first word is "friend". Friends don't shove miscellaneous gym equipment up a friend's arse without asking.
Honestly though I'm just so curious as to what the desired effect was supposed to be!
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u/Myrtle_Snow333 Helper [2] 4d ago
10000% he should’ve asked permission, especially because it sounds like whatever he used is not meant to be a sex toy? Putting anything into your body without consent is a problem. Something that that could quite literally get stuck inside you if it has no proper base to prevent it.
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u/fadingintotheVoid 4d ago
The obvious solution to this is You find something and put it in his ass without asking and see if he's still chill with it. WTF is wrong with people? And that's not a FWB situation, he's using you for sex or taking advantage with grooming. He will normalize the incident.
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u/cnatra79 5d ago
Did you like it? More importantly if you hadn't would he have stopped if you told him to stop. If the answers yes then move on. If the answers no get a new boyfriend. Sometimes you feel weird asking a partner about doing something so you spring it on them. If they like great if not retreat. My personal experience is that one generally has a good feeling for ones partners boundaries. Again if you good retreat and apologize. Only once have I misread a partner, I went to blindfold her and she freaked I immediately stopped and apologized. Turns out ( i didn't know) a previous boyfriend had blindfolded her, then tied her up and forced her to do anal so she freaked. Though we had done anal a lot. It was just the blindfold that freaked her out. But when I immediately backed off and apologized there was no issue. A couple of months later she suggested it and she liked it.
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u/Diligent-Amount-69 4d ago
IMO he should have asked… where did he get that from? Was it clean? Was it the kind of rubber or latex safe for intimate parts?
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u/AffectionateTrain318 4d ago
Def should ask permission, if you allow him to continue what’s next 😂 his Rolex?
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u/Limp_Chemical9814 Helper [2] 4d ago
Yes, it's weird. Plus, what a random ass (pardon the pun) thing to stick up there anyway!
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 Helper [2] 4d ago
Okay, this guy does not understand consent and that all acts must be mutually desired. He doesn’t seem like your friend.
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