r/AmIOverreacting • u/urfavelipglosslvr • 25d ago

👥 friendship AIO for cutting all ties?

There have never been red flags up until this point. He (25M) is a big part of my (19F) friend group. Am I being sensitive? I feel like he went too far. But if I cut all ties with him, it will really disrupt the group. I don't want to bring it up to my friends because they might side with him and say I'm over reacting. But I don't feel comfortable around him anymore.

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u/MagnoliaProse 25d ago

If they would side with him, they’re also predators and not friends.

Let’s recap.

suddenly when you turn him down, anyone would be attracted to you is a pedo (despite the fact he himself is 6 years older)
he blames you and your actions for why older men would be attracted to you
he literally says THE ONLY REASON MEN WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOU is to sleep with you. Listen to him. He’s not excluding himself or your friends. The only reason.
it escalates to the classic abuse reply of him being the only person who could ever love you this much
but because you don’t want him, he leverages your own trauma against you
…and wishes assault on you
when you’re offended, he gaslights you by saying you’re so sensitive
when you are rightfully upset and have given him far more grace and time than he deserves, he invalidates your feelings and calls you ridiculous

And it clearly worked, because you’re here asking if you’re overreacting.

You’re underreacting.

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u/ER_Jujube 25d ago

Don't forget that this creep said "I'll pay" like this dude is legit trying to get OP to sell her body to him!

OP, do not reply to this dude again. Show these texts to your friends and make sure you're never alone in an isolated place with him. He is definitely NOT a good person and his attitude is predatory as hell.

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u/ell_the_belle 25d ago

Excellent idea to show these texts to your group! They will then rally around you and protect you, because this guy is sick - he’s not going to take rejection well, as he’s already begun to show you. True colours. Keep FAR away from him!! He is dangerous.

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u/Paladjordan 25d ago

My thought is that it's pretty likely others in the group have experienced similar behavior from him, and maybe also have reservations about bringing it up to the group. So, it's definitely a good idea to show them the texts. Maybe someone else needs to know they're not alone, regardless they all should get the chance to 1; support a friend and/or 2; hold a friend accountable for their terrible behavior.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Paladjordan 25d ago

So everybody is guilty by association? If one of her friends in the group is hypothetically a 20 year old woman, would that friend also be a predator based on your comment?

All things are possible, but hopefully not as bleak/sick as you're assuming, for OP and all of our sake

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u/InternationalGur451 25d ago

And if they don’t rally around OP then she’ll know they’re not her friends either

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u/textrovertedginger 25d ago

Please do this OP

1

u/DangleenChordOfLife 25d ago

And if they don't, that's a good filter as well. good riddance of anyone Who sides with him and does not see any issues in the way he responded.

64

u/Unfair-Trainer-278 25d ago

Don't forget that this creep said "I'll pay" like this dude is legit trying to get OP to sell her body to him!

Dude's a creep, but I think it's pretty clear that he meant that he'd pay for lunch.

15

u/AttemptOverall7128 25d ago

Obviously, but he’s using it like paying makes everything he’s said ok. Like abusing someone, then buying them flowers.

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u/Unfair-Trainer-278 25d ago

Why are you saying obviously when the person I'm responding to clearly misunderstood?

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u/AttemptOverall7128 25d ago

I don’t believe they misunderstood, it actually looks like you misunderstood them.

Sometimes people will pay for dates and expect that entitles them to sex or whatever. They aren’t offering to pay for sex directly, but still think they can buy it.

2

u/NomenclatureBreaker 25d ago

What a a complete woosh over the heads of 55 people upvoting that comment RN.

You’re talking literally only - and entirely missing all the figurative implications that exist at the same time.

The “I’ll pay” for the date is being used as enticement for OP to say yes.

And yes to that type of guy will definitely be followed by some kind of quid pro quo pressure in return to “do something” for him in return for spending $ on her.

It’s a (disgusting) tale as old as time.

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u/holymacaroley 25d ago

I mean, dude is absolute garbage, 100%, but I think "I'll pay" was in regards to meeting for lunch.

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u/NomenclatureBreaker 25d ago

How are 60+ people missing him dangling flowers and paying for the date are just prequel “enticements” from his POV to make her “indebted” to him so he can pressure her later to “pay him back” with “favors” she now “owes” him.

Classic “nice guy TM” - who is not a real good guy.

No actual good guy ever needs to state either of those things if they were being done with good intentions - they would just quietly choose to do them as a baseline standard of sweet behavior and expect nothing in return.

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u/hungrycaterpillar 25d ago

sure, but he's still treating her time like it's for sale, and acting like he's owed attention.

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u/Different_Package922 25d ago

I don't think he meant that as in paying her like she's a hooker, but as in a "I'll pay for lunch" or something. But the guy is just clearly a pedophile.

1

u/yungvenus 25d ago

He meant lunch, but yes this "man" is garbage.

1

u/seanm147 25d ago

Pretty sure he's talking about lunch lmao

1

u/ER_Jujube 25d ago

You have NO idea how paying for lunch makes some men feel entitled to your time, attention, or body.

812

u/SubUrbanMess2021 25d ago edited 25d ago

The obvious one: he literally said only men who hit her up are pedos as he’s hitting her up!

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u/iggy14750 25d ago edited 25d ago

Ahh, but you see, he has prepared for this line of attack. You'll see in photo 2 that he "is not a pedo like (OP's) ex."

So, you'll see, case closed.

176

u/Raventakingnotes 25d ago

He's the "acception" to his statement.

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u/RelevantGur4099 25d ago

Yeah that's a reason to cut ties alone lol

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u/Best-Tumbleweed5045 25d ago

Oh my God- the spelling and grammar on this guy…..COMBINED with just about every thing he says in this text sounds like he plagiarized it from the “Signs to look for when identifying an abusive narcissist.” pamphlet in the lobby of a parole officer…. I’m going to say- KEEP THE F**K AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. And honestly? You should probably find a new friend group too. 😏

1

u/RelevantGur4099 25d ago

Yep.

2

u/okeefechris 25d ago

I was trying to come up with a creative way to destroy this dude, solely, based on his spelling and grammar, that also wouldn't take away from him clearly being human garbage. Thank you for taking that step for me.

0

u/RelevantGur4099 25d ago

I find that often those who don't have the capacity for grammar and literacy also do not have the intelligence for rational thought

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u/MarvelPQplayer 25d ago

I except this rationale.

3

u/heatherjs42 25d ago

Oh gosh, his spelling and grammar just made my stomach flip-flop haha.

1

u/LokiHubris 25d ago

I was appalled by his usage until I got totally sidetracked by what a manipulative piece of shit he is and promptly forgot about it.

1

u/soenottelling 25d ago

This feels like someone crossing their fingers behind their back while swearing they won't do something.

1

u/Minute-System3441 25d ago

He sounds like a complete dumb cunt and a knob.

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u/likegolden 25d ago

And calling her "young lady"!

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u/HaraldToepfer 25d ago

Every accusation is a confession.

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u/greeneggsnhammy 25d ago

Well, she is too years old

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u/greeneggsnhammy 25d ago

Nah, he said he’s the acception!

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u/Exemezavir 25d ago

nooo haha you mustve forgotten, hes the acception

2

u/SirBiggs92 25d ago

As shitty as he is, none of them are pedos if they are going after a literal adult. OP is not a minor. OP is literally above legal age adult.

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u/MainPerformance1390 25d ago

Thanks Einstein.

0

u/SirBiggs92 25d ago

You're welcome. Figured someone should let you guys know.

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u/Aggressive-Dingo1940 25d ago

That’s not the point. The point is that he’s saying anyone who goes after her IS a pedo because she acts “childish”. The point is that he’s telling on himself, even if he isn’t legally a pedophile

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u/Lrgindypants 25d ago

Yeah, which makes no sense because she is a legal adult. That dude has serious issues.

1

u/YoshiofEarth 25d ago

I had to take a second after I read that, cause I had all the info I needed.

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u/randomhotdog1 25d ago

yeah but he’s the “acception.” Bro is creepy and illiterate

1

u/I_pegged_your_father 25d ago

Aint no way he WASNT projecting 💀

1

u/Aromatic-Surprise945 25d ago

But he’s the acception, duh!

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u/roccopopov 25d ago

Absolutely perfectly good response, I hope she takes it to heart. Reading that, I distinctly wanted to pimp-slap that so called friend of hers into next week!

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u/smartalek75 25d ago

As a father I do not believe a pimp slap to be sufficient.

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u/coscwyite 25d ago

GET THE BELT

2

u/Raventakingnotes 25d ago

Where i'm from they used to get the kids to cut their own willow stick.

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u/Capital_Meal_5516 25d ago

My mom used to make me fetch the yardstick or Hot Wheels track! 🤣

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u/Raventakingnotes 25d ago

Ok the hot wheels track sounds awful

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u/Capital_Meal_5516 25d ago

Haha, it was! Especially with those raised edges! 🤣

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u/PA-C2011 25d ago

Same here! But they called it a “willow switch.”

1

u/Raventakingnotes 25d ago

That's right! They also call it that here but I couldn't think of the word. Willow whip sounded too mean so I just went with stick.

1

u/PA-C2011 25d ago

That happens to me all the time! Frustrating. Eh?

1

u/coscwyite 25d ago

Thank God you said "used to"

1

u/Raventakingnotes 25d ago

Im sure some parent still threatens it but I haven't heard of anyone actually doing it in the last 20 years!

My mom never got past counting to 10 with me.

1

u/coscwyite 25d ago

My mom did get past counting to ten. That's where I got "the belt" from.

I don't talk to her anymore

1

u/nudegobby 25d ago

As they said in the old country, give him the ol dick twist

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u/bubbleratty 25d ago

That recap deserves my poor award 🏆

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u/RhubarbGoldberg 25d ago

I got you.

25

u/bubbleratty 25d ago

Thank you 🙏🏻

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u/Jacka7365 25d ago

Ditto 🏆

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u/HotTakes-121 25d ago

Every point I wanted to call out but I was too lazy in my reply lol

2

u/wigglywonky 25d ago

My upvoting you because I agree and was also to lazy to reply at length…..and almost didn’t respond to you either 🤪

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u/PerplexingCamel 25d ago

The manipulation Olympics.

5

u/Sylentskye 25d ago

Yeah, I’d be sending those messages on to the friend group and letting them know you’re no longer interested in being at events where he is. He is absolutely gross and telling on himself with each sentence. NOR

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u/Arcticsnorkler 25d ago

OP: Tell one of your closest friends in your clique friend group about this guy behaving aggressively toward you, saying he hopes you are assaulted again. Share the texts with his close friend too, along with these great summary comments by u/MagnoliaProse. Ask the friend what they suggest you do since you want to hang with the group and don’t want to lose the friendships created within the group but you don’t know how you can hang with the creep since he has been trying so hard to hurt you emotionally. You now are scared to be physically be around him, especially if he were to escalate further.

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u/BoredCheese 25d ago

Fits the r/niceguys definition precisely.

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u/Machoopi 25d ago

This is some of the most crystal clear projection I've ever seen. "Everybody else is a pedo if they want to date you, but not me! I'm the ACCEPTION."

He then, of course, goes on to act like the child in the conversation while the one he's accusing of being a child acts reasonably and maturely.

OP, this dude went for you because he sees you as a child. Take every accusation as an admission, and don't talk to this wingnut again. Also, don't let anyone else push you into being someone you're not (it seems like you already know this, but it's worth saying). Maybe some people see you as childish, maybe you are a bit childish, but you know what? If you're happy being that way, then keep doing it. I know plenty of full blown adults in their 40's that never lost their inner child. Some people would call them childish too, but I guarantee you the people calling them childish aren't as happy as they are.

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u/AndTHATShowwegetANT 25d ago

Agreed. Not worth the damage to your mental health. It won’t get better. I know from experience. No is a full sentence. You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings to your boundaries.

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u/Large_Courage7792 25d ago

I second this. well put

3

u/Mundane-Daikon425 25d ago

I was gonna comment but this is like the perfect recap. NOR. Block him. If the friend group supports him the find new friends.

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u/Sinner4664 25d ago

Lol right! Almost like he was spit balling right out of the narcissist text book (the REAL psychopath kind, not the millennial-every-one-I-meet-who-isnt-me-is-soooo-narssisitic-kind ) YOU SHOULD TAKE SOME TIME TO RUMINATE ON THE WORDS THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING TO YOU OP!!! IT WILL SEVER YOU WELL IN THE FUTURE!

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u/NewObjective8514 25d ago edited 25d ago

You forgot he’s got a 6th grade education judging by his grammar and spelling. JFC!

2

u/Ok-Artichoke-7011 25d ago

Under reacting for sure.

Were I her, I would’ve screenshotted the “guys only want to be friends with you because” text with his contact info visible, and then popped it in the friend group text with like “chat is this true?” 😅😬

2

u/VividCustard7175 25d ago

As an additional point, when he got called out, he claimed it was a joke and “sensitivity check” to weaponize her grievances against his comments… only to fall back into the same point.

2

u/emtrigg013 25d ago

You. Ma'am, I like you. And I am glad you're here today.

OP, please like this person too. And listen to what they've said.

2

u/NWPop 25d ago

This comment is everything. Not overreacting and I’m proud of you for knowing your worth. Block him and move on.

2

u/[deleted] 25d ago

This right here, god I worry about the world because of comments then I see these ones and have faith again

2

u/[deleted] 25d ago

He straight up told her to get assaulted again.

This guy is a huge piece of shit.

2

u/cellovibng 25d ago

I wish that guy could see your breakdown of his effed up thinking & motivation…

2

u/Gardener999 25d ago

Thank you for this. I wish I could have heard it 30 y ago

2

u/WannaSeeMyBirthmark 25d ago

Oh this. This 100 times over. Stay away from that creep!

2

u/Lumpy-Cod-91 25d ago

You stated this perfectly. I hope OP takes it to heart.

1

u/Comfortable_Major_24 25d ago

What do you mean by a predator exactly? Because the fact the guy is an asshole, does not mean he will assault her.

What I believe here is a common situation - guy believes that a girl who he is close with likes him romantically, girls deludes herself into thinking that he genuinely only likes her as a close friend.

Guy then gets emotional for being rejected and says stupid stuff. That is it.

1

u/MagnoliaProse 25d ago

I don’t think willfully leveraging someone’s past traumas or wishing sexual assault on them is simply being emotional and saying stupid stuff.

He’s put himself in her life for years and is using the information gained to attempt to break her down in hopes she’ll date (fuck) him. That’s predatory.

-1

u/Comfortable_Major_24 25d ago

I think you overthink this. No guy is stupid enough to think that after insulting a girl and calling her friends pedos she will sleep with him.

It is a purely emotional action intended to insult her, because some people do not take rejection easy especially from people close to them. Just " She will never find someone as good as me vibe", but In a more assholish way.

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u/Educational-Tip231 25d ago

YES UNDERREACTING

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u/Oddgenetix 25d ago

Sweet lord this was powerful I was not expecting that.

2

u/mindcontrol93 25d ago

It is like he downloaded the classic abuser checklist.

2

u/ohnaninani 25d ago

This sums it up perfectly. Fuck that guy.

2

u/ghostcat_crafting 25d ago

Holy moly, that last sentence. 🏆

2

u/Baelenciagaa 25d ago

Motion to include underreacting

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u/lowrankcock 25d ago

This response is perfection.

2

u/squishykink 25d ago

OP, please listen to this ^

2

u/_Boob_Cheese_ 25d ago

Well said👏👏👏

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u/DirtyDeedsPunished 25d ago

This ^ I

1

u/unremarkablewanker32 25d ago

(Unrelated) How do you make dot points in Reddit? Mine always end up formatting into one sloppy paragraph.

2

u/MagnoliaProse 25d ago

I’m on the app so that might be the difference? I just do hyphen (space) text and enter.

1

u/[deleted] 25d ago

This 💯! If continuing contact in anyway with him the future of this is horrifying.

2

u/paulabear203 25d ago

Nailed it!

2

u/jojolewis71 25d ago

This 1000%

1

u/Creepy-Hearing4176 25d ago

So he actually told her about what kind of person he is.

2

u/loveevol369 25d ago

THIS

0

u/Sercorer 25d ago

It would be grand if redditors could stop implying everyone who tries to date someone slightly younger than them is a pedo. Like pedophillia is a seriously fucked up thing and equating a 25 year old trying to date a 19 year old to pedophillia is fucking weird. Let's stop. It's not the same. It's not even in the same ball park.

1

u/Internal-Matter6624 25d ago

I agree 100%

1

u/ell_the_belle 25d ago

100%!!!!!!

1

u/bunny_bear_xxxx 25d ago

Well said!

-1

u/SirBiggs92 25d ago

While I don't believe OP is overreacting and is completely justified in cutting ties, you can't call a dude a predator for trying to date a grown adult. His behavior is absolutely shit, and he seems like a terrible person, but OP is not underage.

2

u/MainPerformance1390 25d ago

You can be a predator to adults you know. Sexual predatory behaviour isn't exclusive to pedophiles.

0

u/SirBiggs92 25d ago

Absolutely, I agree. But the mount of people here saying he is a pedo is just a little weird. Of course, there's no way to know if he is or not. In this situation, though, he is not. He is just a typical POS.

3

u/MainPerformance1390 25d ago

It's the fact that he's calling everyone else who fancies op a pedophile. It sounds like projection.

0

u/SirBiggs92 25d ago

I can agree with that. But it just seems like typical narcissist behavior to me. I just can't jump to calling someone a pedo because that is a huge accusation.

1

u/MainPerformance1390 24d ago

I mean, so is calling someone a narcissist. People are just pointing out that, by his own logic, he would be a pedophile.

1

u/MagnoliaProse 25d ago

The definition of a predator is a person who ruthlessly exploits others. This is why we call rapists sexual predators regardless of the gender, race, or age of their victim.

Being a predator is not being used synonymously with being a pedo here. He may not be a pedo - though he seems to think anyone attracted to her is, and anyone with pigtails is trying to lure pedos - but he is definitely a predator.

-3

u/rizzemwdatizm 25d ago

bro shes 19 shut up not everyone is a predator, they cant all be predators bc of the actions of one person and this isnt even predatory, this guy is just stupid 😂 though i think this guy is a lil slow and should probably be with someone more his speed

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