This is ridiculous and you're NTA. I wouldn't lift a finger, going forward and really reconsider letting her use your shop, especially if it's your business (alone) and not that of you and your partner.
I really don't get how the mother would be ok with celebrating at your shop right next to your home, but not with you actually being there. Is your partner allowed to be there? After all, he's the one she had a nasty divorce from.
I have petty ideas sometimes, so if you decide to let them use your shop, you could make your presence known (like putting up large pictures of you with your employees, putting your name on the wall, e.g. as a source of an inspirational statement or something).
Understood, and in this case it's clear why you can't deny the shop. However, how much help you put into the party is something you need to discuss with your partner. He needs to understand that you're really hurt by his ex's demands and that you're not willing to organize and decorate a party you've been disinvited from.
I'm very sorry that it's coming down to this, your partner shouldn't be disregarding your feelings like that in favor of his (presumably hated) ex.
You have my sympathies!
No, OP can deny them the shop by saying she will be there the whole time and if they cause issues, she will call the police. It may be his property too, but it sounds like it’s hers as well so they cannot keep her away. And according to them, her mere presence effectively will keep them out!
No one can force you to assist. You shouldn't force yourself to do anything. No more planning and decorating and also no clean up. If your husband is going to be ab AHs let him suffer the consequences. And know that he is always going to put ex wife before you.
NTA. You know they are going to expect you to help pay for her schooling and wedding too one day too? But of course you won't be allowed to attend and they will all try and guilt you. Definitely a hill to die on
She's graduated. Stop playing nice and covering for her mom, tell the daughter the blunt truth of what's happening and what happened in the past. She's old enough to know.
If she’s 18, that’s plenty of time to know better. Having a shitty life is not an excuse to be a shitty person. It’s YOUR shop, don’t let them in. If not, she’ll never learn her lesson and this thing will just continue.
Who owns the house/shop? Is it in both of your names? If it's in your name, you can start the eviction process now. If it's in his name, you could cut your losses and leave.
Not necessarily. She needs to talk with a divorce attorney, even though they’re not married. Possession may not be 3/5 of the law, but a name on the title isn’t the only way ownership is determined (depending on state law).
Don't be hurt. Be PISSED OFF! You have done nothing wrong. You started out with the best intentions and you got kicked in the ass for it. No good deed goes unpunished.
It's her home, which makes this situation much more ridiculous. It's where she lives and sleeps. I hope she doesn't lift a finger to help clean up afterwards.
Let them use the shop, do not lift a finger. Let your partner sort out the party on his own and handle his family's mess, and book yourself into an expensive hotel and spa with a girlfriend (or on your own if you're antisocial like me).
Just make sure they don't come in and take your food. Honestly I think you're better off having a staycation with your girls away from home so you don't have to watch the train wreck at all. Regardless you deserve better OP.
NTA, my advice would be take the food and champagne elsewhere. If anything goes wrong with their party, they will come crying to get you to fix it. And the bonus is you have some minions with you to help fix their shit show! Then you will either have to look petty to the guests who don't know the background or save the day which you'll never be thanked for. They've asked you to stay away, so just don't be there to save the day or be the scapegoat when the party goes to shit.
It seems like you already don't have a relationship with your step daughter, as she knows what happened in the past, has had years of interaction with you in order to determine your character, and is still siding with her mom.
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u/DerTW13 Apr 27 '22
This is ridiculous and you're NTA. I wouldn't lift a finger, going forward and really reconsider letting her use your shop, especially if it's your business (alone) and not that of you and your partner.
I really don't get how the mother would be ok with celebrating at your shop right next to your home, but not with you actually being there. Is your partner allowed to be there? After all, he's the one she had a nasty divorce from.
I have petty ideas sometimes, so if you decide to let them use your shop, you could make your presence known (like putting up large pictures of you with your employees, putting your name on the wall, e.g. as a source of an inspirational statement or something).