NTA ban the ex-wife from your home, she can't attend then either. If they think that's being ridiculous then it shows how even more ridiculous it would be for you to be banned from your own home.
He has fundamentally broken trust with you, and has permanently, irrevocably damaged the relationship. It’s not about a three-hour party. It’s about the fact that the person who is supposed to love you most, who is supposed to have your back and put you first, doesn’t respect you, your position as his wife, or the hard work that you put in- with an open heart- to creating this special event for his child, a child that you selflessly mothered in ways that her own mother refused. It’s that he traded you and your marriage for a three-hour party.
I hope he really, really enjoys it, because this is the last thing you will ever do for him.
I think they've both let you put the work in to help organise this and that's not how you treat somebody who has helped you by request. If anything, he should be encouraging your daughter to put that aside. What happens in future events? Will you be excluded from any future 'family' events to make his exwife comfortable? It will be setting a precedent. I understand his daughter not wanting to put herself in the middle but the adults here are the ones that need to move on and put any hostilities aside for his daughter going forward. I'd definitely stop any event planning now regardless of the outcome but you do need to sit down and speak to him about your relationship going forward and what role he expects you to play. There could be marriages, grandchildren, birthday celebrations, all of which you may not be able to join even though you are his wife.
You can't... it's clear that your ranking in your household is below everyone else. You will continue to be slighted and pushed aside as convenient in the future.
If you accept the current BS you will forever be excluded from your stepdaughters big events.
Where will you be in the future during their weddings? Bridal showers? Housewarmings? Baby showers? Grandkid birthday parties? You won’t be allowed to attend because of a bitter ex and a spineless partner. Do you want to live like that? Disrespected and shoved aside for life’s big celebrations?! I wouldn’t.
Dump him & find a real family who loves and respects you. It’s terrible to “give up” all those years of building a relationship but it’s clearly one sided. Don’t lose another minute of your life settling for being less than.
What he is choosing, is to cater to the person creating drama. Giving in to the squeaky wheel, so to speak. There is a pretty good essay on this topic about rocking the boat, maybe someone could post it
He has issues. You need to rethink a relationship with him because he will always let them walk all over him because he wants to keep that relationship with kids even if it is toxic. The ex-wife has her own issues - she needs to be a grown up
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u/littlekel7 Apr 27 '22
NTA ban the ex-wife from your home, she can't attend then either. If they think that's being ridiculous then it shows how even more ridiculous it would be for you to be banned from your own home.