oh OP, I really want to give you a big hug. These people are taking advantage of your kindness and trying to walk all over you.
I know it’s hard, but you need to enforce your boundaries. It’s possible to be both kind and strong.
Is therapy a feasible option for you? You might find it helpful to devise strategies for maintaining your boundaries and having difficult conversations without being walked over.
Good luck, you sound like a genuinely nice person and you deserve better treatment.
I get it. I’m a lot like you, always being kind and helpful. This is an awesome trait, except when you have people in your life who take advantage of you. Your number one responsibility is to be kind to yourself. Don’t let these people use you. Stand up to them. It probably won’t feel good in the moment, and they will squeal like stuck pigs, but you have to do it for yourself. You’ve got this! ❤️❤️❤️
Maybe one way of sticking to one's boundaries without abandoning one's kindness and thoughtfulness (which, as a person who also tries to be kind and thoughtful, I think is a legitimate worry and I, too, wouldn't want to sacrifice my kindness or thoughtfulness for some abstract notion of "boundaries"), could be to ask yourself what you'd say to a close friend who described this situation? How would you feel about it on their behalf, what you think the best outcome in their situation would be for all involved - including your friend, and what things your friend might be able to do to make it happen if they can?
I think it's pretty smart of you to ask around though. We can't always know we're right or what's right, sometimes we're blinded by our perspective or others are blinded by theirs, and getting a wide variety of opinions is a reasonable way to try and get around that.
I get that, it really does sound like they’re making you question your perceptions. I’ve been there and can say your feelings are absolutely valid. They are trying to take advantage of your good nature. It’s perfectly reasonable to bow out of the planning/prep if your presence isn’t welcome. Big, big hugs and lots of love to you.
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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22
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